Cartas al Mundo
by Lili and RayRay
Summary: Well, it used to be something, but now it's just another decomposing dead fic cluttering up FF's archives. Apologies.
1. Chapter 1

Napaykullayki,

Allillanchu? Peru here, sending greetings from Cusco! I've been inspired by all the other countries' letters to the world to start replying to a few myself. After all, the best way to get to know others is by interacting with them, -_chá! _

I'll start with a brief self-introduction. I'm Peru, and my human name - I have two, actually, but I usually go by the Quechua one. It's Huayna Capac. I speak most dialects of Quechua and Aymara, Spanish, and a bit of Chinese and Japanese. I'm _supposed_ to be living in Cusco with a foster family designated by my boss, but recently Chile has taken to keeping me at his place instead. He's one of my four siblings. The other three are Ecuador, Bolivia and Argentina. I guess tourism's a pretty big thing at my place, what with all the relics my father left me and whatnot. I have a llama named Capac and he's the best thing in the world next to pisco _-mi._ And yes, I do drink. I only _look_ twelve, mind you.

If you happen to be Chile or Ecuador, congratulations. This post doubles as a thought-recording answering machine. Just think really hard about your name, address and message, and when I get it I'll _think_ about getting back to you. But don't expect much. For the rest of you, a conventional letter will do.

Salud y nuevo soles,

_República del Perú_


	2. Italy 1

**Here's dogsrule as Italy! And yeah, these letters to the world things are very inspiring. Hehe~  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Vee~ so you started writing letters too? That's cool!

Right now Germany and me are in America because we had to go pick up his big brother from jail! It's really cool here! And they even have this cool store called Walmart!

But I never seen a llama before! Can you show a picture?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

I have to admit, writing letters _is_ kind of fun... when Chile's not breathing down my neck trying to imitate the Thought Police or something.

Oh? What happened to Prussia? Something to do with beer, I'll bet... And by the way, I'd watch out for Walmart if I were you. It's taking over China as we speak. Nothing good ever comes out of giant stores getting their names Sinicized into "Wò'érmǎ" or some other crap like that -_mi_.

Enclosed is a picture of Capac. It's from a long time ago, so p-please ignore me and Ch-Chile being all h-happy and jolly and fr-fr-fr-_friendsy_ with each other. A-and especially do _not_ show Spain... please. D:

Shoot, here comes Chile! Gotta go! Talk to you soon!

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Well, it's a start. I'm still getting the hang of this though so please bear with me! x.x**

**Peru: A certain someone should be doing homework instead of messing around on the Internet right now...**

**Me: BLAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH  
**


	3. Stratford upon Avon 1

**Ici Cifer10 jouant le role de Stratford upon Avon! It's all right, I got it almost immediately after I read the name. ;D**

* * *

Hello Peru!

Stratford upon Avon here! How are you?

At this current moment in time I am seriously annoyed because I can't update my letter fic due to Type 2 errors and the tiny problem of my computer gaining 38 viruses which then proceeded to delete all of my data.

Yes I am annoyed. So how is the food at your place? Get many tourists? I do. ALL THE TIME. Not mentioning my constant companion, Will (he's a ghost) who annoys me so much.

Food at mine is ok. Damn Americans got a mcdonalds on my high street. Grrr...

I say ok, I mean better than dad's.

Don't understand any of this? Google my name.

Love, Stratford upon Avon (Lizzy)

P.S I got a couple of questions regarding who the heck Will actually is. You should find out on any credible information page. I make good cookies, so if you find out then you can have some!

* * *

Hola Lizzy,

_Allilanmi_. I am doing well, thanks.

Type 2 errors are frustrating. I intensely spammed the FanFiction support email with their stupid error message once. It was fun. And you should have your computer looked at before it eats all your data! Viruses are the worst...

Besides McDonald's, I mean. I've got one right across the street from where I live. It's part of the reason I don't object more to staying at my brother's - at least his are far from his house. Bleargh. Those things are more problematic than Brazil's illegal cattle ranches.

Although, it _is_ kind of fun watching the fat tourists going in there and coming out a few hundred calories fatter. I do wish they'd stop desecrating Macchu Picchu though. Sacrilegious bunch of dogs...

Say hi to Will for me. We have his works in Spanish here! My favorite is King Lear :D

Signed,

Peru

P.S: Cookies are terrific.

* * *

**So is getting my homework done before bedtime today. Hopefully I won't die from exhaustion tonight. Thanks for sending in letters~ **


	4. Italy 2

**Another letter from Italy (dogsrule) :D**

**And apparently there aren't Walmarts in Italy... as far as Google knows. Hooray for non-Walmart-invading-ism! However, there are Walmart-like stores...  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Vee~! They really are fun! I like it because I get to talk to everyone I know! And I get to meet new people too! Is that what you like about it?

Oh, he and Big Brother France, Big Brother Spain, and Canada went drinking and got arrest because the three of them weren't wearing clothes! That's why we need to go to Walmart so we could buy some new ones for them!

WOW! It's so cute! And both of you look so happy in it! But why can't I show it to Big Brother Spain? Wouldn't he like to see it?

OK! Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

_Allin tuta_ Senor Feliciano,

Meeting new people certainly is part of it. I just realized I haven't gone beyond Chile's house, my house, and world summits/diplomatic meetings for a very long time. Being a _hikikomori_ is scary -_si_!

Somehow, that sounds exactly like what they would do. Well, they're not welcome at my place anymore. Except Senor Canada.

Capac is adorable~ but he tried to eat the last picture I took of him. The one I sent you was taken in 1870, before Sis and I went to war against Chile. (Well, not really. He started it.) Evil sonofabitch plundered my capital and did a bunch of unspeakable horrors to me. Sis ended up landlocked afterwards and her economy nearly died. And that's why I don't like Chile. A-anymore. -_mi._

Spain shouldn't see it because he'll...

a) start nagging me about reconciling with Chile

b) start nagging Chile about reconciling with me

c) reminisce about the past and make me feel guilty about fighting him for independence. _And_ he'll probably use my _Spanish_ name the whole time. Urgh.

I-I just don't want him to see me being happy with Chile, it's embarrassing. o/ / . / / o

Signed,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Not to mention, Chile seized and never returned Peru's vital regions. (Just Wikipedia the War of the Pacific and scroll down to the second map to see what I mean.) I don't wanna know what this implies about their anatomies... O_O**

**Review~  
**


	5. Italy 3

** Hooray, dogsrule again as Italy! Ahaha, I guess this just goes to show how much of a hikikomori Peru is... In the meantime, I might be visiting Macchu Picchu in the summer! :D**

**Peru: Another day, another pair of filthy hands upon my sacred heritage site. Screw you, RayRay.  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

I know it is! But what's a hikikomori?

Huh? How come they're not welcome at your place? Did they do something?

Si! He is! But what's the problem with trying to be friends with Chile again? Isn't he your brother?

Are you sure about Big Brother Spain? I think he'd really like to see it!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

A hikikomori is someone who stays home all day locked up in their room and refuses to come out. Japan used to be like that. Thank goodness someone snapped him out of it; apparently not getting exposed to sunlight can indirectly make you sick.

I...don't want to see those three streaking through my streets in their birthday suits. They're a traffic hazard. Plus, all the extra honking makes noise pollution.

I-I _hate_ Chile! He's annoying and he stole a bunch of my stuff. Plus, a few years ago (just to piss us off I think), he came up with this military exercise that included the scenario of a northern country attacking a southern country.

...

I think even America got the hint that time. Let's just say, both Sis and I live north of that stupid _roto_. -.-

And yes, I'm sure about Spain. I haven't forgiven _him_ for all my grievances yet either. So, no cutesy pictures for the crazy pedo rapist.

Yup, talk to you soon,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Hooray, a role-playing letter forum! (Rearrange the words as you see fit, I think I got the order wrong.) And since I suggested it, I guess I'll figure out the ins and outs of how that's going to work... May the Sun shine upon me in my potentially headache-inducing task. **

**Oh wait. That's just going to make my headache worse. **

**Review~  
**


	6. Italy 4

**Oh look, I was going to say something here but forgot what! Aren't I just brilliant? Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!  
**

**Yzma: KROOOOOONNNK! I told you to get my catchphrase copyrighted! Well, did you?  
**

**Kronk: Oh. Right. Yeah, I thought I...forgot about something. **

**Yzma: [turns Kronk into a llama]**

**XD  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, I think I remember Japan telling me about that! I think it was America who talked to him!

Wow! That sounds really dangerous! They didn't get hurt did they?

That sounds like a really mean thing to do! Maybe he feels bad and he'll apologize to you and your sister now! Then you'll be friends again!

And I won't give the picture to Big Brother Spain! Is it ok if fratello gives it to him?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Well, whoever it was, he/she/it (the "it" is for special circumstances like France) did a great job. Kudos to him/her/it. Unless it was France.

They didn't come down here - I'm just speculating on what would happen if they did. And I'm pretty sure it's an accurate speculation... after all, it's _France_. And _Prussia_. And... and _Spain_. *shudders*

There's no way that unapologetic bastard could ever feel sorry! I mean, why would he, he fucking _won_ the war, why would he turn back and help us out of our shitty economies? Bleargh.

...You're really determined to get that picture to Spain, aren't you. Fine, I give up, you can send it to him if you want. Let's see how he'll react.

Talk to you soon,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Kronk-llama: Oh hey... I just realized I kinda speak like... Greece.**

**Which somehow reminds me of an excerpt from this lovely dialogue I've posted on my profile:**

**"There's some Turkey in the fridge."**

**"I found it but it's covered in a layer of Greece."**

**Ahahahaha... don't you just love how Hetalia messes with your mind?  
**


	7. Italy 5

**Here's dogsrule as Italy! And I'm STILL depressed about Hetaloid. There's a bunch of people on DeviantArt working on making them but damn it, I don't wanna get caught or anything for doing illegal things...**

**I hope I find a loophole soon.  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Actually I think that Big Brother France helped too!

Oh, they didn't? well it sounds like it would be really dangerous if they did!

Are you sure? Maybe he would help because he cares about you and your sister!

Yay! I bet he'll be really happy to see it!

Talk to you soon,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

As far as I heard, all France did was bring a cat. And Japan only wanted to see the cat. (Good choice, Japan! I approve!)

It wouldn't be dangerous, because the traffic here flows amazingly, despite looking so chaotic. Have you ever been to China's place? Go to any major city like Beijing, or Zhengzhou, and prepare to be amazed! :D

He's _evil! EVIL_, I tell you! **_EVIL!_**

Just...don't let him put it up on the internet or something. O_O

Signed,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Determination is good! Just like how I'm determined that I'll find that damn loophole and get myself a Koruloid... or an Aruloid... or a Chigiloid... or a _Fuososososososo_loid (Yeesh, long name much). Come out loophole...wherever you are...**

**Review~  
**


	8. Italy 6

**Hooray, it's Dogsrule as Italy again! Poor Hikikomori Peru... **

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Vee~! Cats are really cute! But I don't like how their tongues feel!

That's good! And I haven't been to China's place!

Huh? How is he evil? Isn't he your brother?

OK! I'll ask him not too!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Napaykullayki Senor Feliciano,

I can't believe it; my other brother (Ecuador) actually forwarded my mail... Ewww, is he trying to suck up to me?

Cats are fun. My brother's neighbor has one. Unfortunately, it looks a little too much like Mexico for my liking...

You should go to China's place sometime. The food is really good! I suggest you stay at Hong Kong's too, but keep in mind that they drive on the left side of the road. So don't cross the street until you've looked both ways!

Brothers can be evil...just look at Prussia. And America. And Mexico. (His poor sister...)

Many thanks!

Huayna Capac

* * *

**I was sitting on the bus minding my own business when all of a sudden a creepy guy came and sat next to me. He was talking on his cell phone the whole time in some strange language that I deemed to "sound like French... but isn't." So, I was listening and trying to figure out what language it was, when all of a sudden he said, "da." **

**And I went, _HOLY SHIZZ IT'S MOTHER RUSSIA OMFG HE HAS ME TRAPPED BETWEEN HIM AND THE WINDOW OMGGGGG  
_**

**Just kidding. I just thought, "Yes I was right! It _is_ Russian!"**

**And no, I've given up on the loophole...but not on Spainloid! I'm going to record and manipulate my voice until I get it to sound even a little like him! (Stocking up on lozenges already.)  
**


	9. Luna 1

**Here's Stardustrudie**! **What's Ecuador's place like? Should I visit it too when/if I invade Peru's vital regions in the summer?**

**Peru: [covering vital regions] GO AWAY! OAO**

**Chile: I found my shotgun! Where is she?**

**Peru: YOU go away too! Ò****Δ****Ó**

* * *

Dear Peru,

Yay! I'm glad I can.

Anyways, I have a question for you. What's your current relationship with your brother (Ecuador)? I'm really curious since I live in his house and you seem to, well, hate him. (I thought you two made peace like ten years ago?)

Love, stardustrudie

(but call me Luna ok?)

* * *

Hola Luna,

Ecuador? It's... complicated. Diplomatically we may have resolved our differences, but personally I just... don't like him very much. Think of it as a grudge. There was the war (BAH) and that long territorial dispute (BLEARGH) and anyway his voice sounds too much like Pedo Spain's for my liking. (Sometimes I wonder about his heritage.)

B-but he's not that bad, I guess. I-I mean, he's not nearly as pathetic as that stupid _roto_ to the south, who can barely speak Quechua and tries to drag me to his house all the time. (Unfortunately, he usually succeeds.) Oh yeah, and he believes in Walmart. _Walmart._ What kind of self-respectable South American would even allow something that blond bastard up north came up with into his home? At least Ecuador doesn't have any at his place, unless he's lying to me. And he leaves me alone, which also gives him more points than Chile.

And, well, I might say all these hateful things and lash out at them all the time, but w-w-we're f-family aft-t-ter all...

Wh-what goes on in this letter, STAYS in this letter! O/ / /_ / / /O

Very hastily signed,

Peru

* * *

**Well, obviously, we have a tsundere in Lincoln Park... He's not climbing in your windows though, so don't worry. XD**

**Review~**


	10. Philippines 1

**Here's solitarycloud as the Philippines! Hooray, a fellow former colony! :D**

* * *

Hi Peru,

this is the Philippines but you can call me Maria if you like :) In case you don't where I am, I'm in south east Asia, just below Tai Wan and near Malaysia. If I remember correctly, you were colonized by Papa Antonio as well, right? So in away that makes sisters, well... sort of. :D

I hope your doing well and, based from the other letters, it seem like you have a lot of neighbors. I hope they're treating you well. You're lucky. Sometimes, it gets lonely here since I'm an archipelago but at least i still have the ASEAN. XD

Honestly, I don't know much about a lot of other nations' cultures and histories, so if it's okay with you would you mind sharing a bit?

Someday, maybe you can visit me here? Like I said, it gets lonely when you have no neighbors and we can hang out and go karaoke! X3

Well, I still have more paper work to do so good by for now :)

With Love,

Maria de la Cruz

The Philippines

PS I almost forgot, I sent some pastillas and yema (filipino candy) hope you enjoy :D

* * *

Hola Maria! Or, um, k-kamusta? Is that how you say it?

Yes, I was Spain's colony as well, back in the 16th century. But I, well, I'm a boy... s-sorry.

It seems you live really close to China and Japan! That's cool! But when you feel lonely, you should go out there and meet new people! I'm doing that by writing letters so I'm not stuck looking at my brother's ugly face all day. He looks like Spain. Spain likes small children. I'm scared. O_O

Well, I was born around 1540-something, when Spain first came to South America. I was too young to remember much, but apparently Spain killed the Inca Empire and became my surrogate father in his place. I was named the Viceroyalty of Peru and pretty soon I had a bunch of brothers and sisters, like Argentina and Chile, who are descended in part from my father. (And there you have it. Proof that my _younger_ siblings are disrespecting me.) I was the last of the five of us to declare independence, in 1821.

A lot of Amerindians live at my place, and we still keep some of our old traditions. Most people though are Catholic. There are white people (forgive the terminology) but they form a minority compared to Native Americans and _mestizos_. My people don't like the Chileans very much because of the war in the 1880s, and _I_ don't like Ecuador because he tried to eat my northern regions. Diplomatically, though, we're getting along better.

My economy isn't as well off as Chile's or Argentina's, but we're working towards better living standards! For now, though, keep your shotgun handy... it's not uncommon for first-time tourists to be swindled or even mugged, especially at the border. And the traffic... total chaos. At least we never see vehicles backed up from Callao all the way to Tacna while the lane going in the other direction is completely deserted, like they have at the blond bastard's place up north.

Your place seems like a lot of fun! I'd definitely like to go there some day! But I'll have to say no to the karaoke... my voice has been, er, a little weird lately... yeah. It's embarrassing so I'd rather not talk about it.

Good luck with the paperwork!,

Peru

P.S.: Thank you very much for the confections. They were delicious! :D

* * *

**Oog, I did a whole ton of research for this letter! It kinda makes me want to vacation in Peru even more... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
**

**Peru: My vital regions...T_T**

**Bolivia: But wait, isn't tourism, like, one of your major industry sectors?**

**Peru: [whining] But I don't want _her_ to come over here! She's weird! I hate weird people!  
**

**Me: Gee, thanks a lot. =_=  
**


	11. Italy 7

**Here's dogsrule as Italy! Darn it, I'm _not_ going to Macchu Picchu this summer... there's all this crap about vaccinations and on top of that my mom just said no. I read a really scary article about the Peru-Ecuador border and I really don't want to get mugged. **

**Peru: I told you he was evil.**

**Me: Um, the muggings were happening on _your_ side.**

**Peru: ...  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Maybe it means that he wants to talk to you more!

They're really fun to play with too! They always try to grab my shoelaces!

I had his food before! I really liked it! Maybe I can see if Ludwig would want to go there sometime! But don't worry! Ludwig doesn't let me cross the street when I'm not supposed too!

I've never met Mexico before, but how are Prussia and America evil? They're really nice to me!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano!

Well, I don't wanna talk to _him!_ He's evil and besides like I told you my voice has been sounding weird lately... still haven't figured out what the hell it could possibly be. I'm really scared...

Cats are cute when they grab shoelaces. Especially when the shoelaces happen to be Chile's, and they're attached to his work shoes and he's running late. XD

China makes the best food -_chá!_ I sneak to my capital's Chinatown for dinner sometimes. He seems to have a lot of those all over the place, don't you think? I hope they don't become the next Walmart...

Do be careful with Senor Germany though. I think he might see the chaos and just freak out.

Prussia _is_ evil! Anyone who hangs out with France without becoming corrupted must be even more evil than he is! And as for America, he's a jerk! Do you see what he does to Canada? Wait, do you see Canada at all? Y-you do know who he is, right?

Really hoping you do, because then that would make explaining a lot easier,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**SPAAAAAIINNLOOOOOIIIIID... TT_TT**

**If someone asked me to become one with him, I would hit them with an umbrella and get the [BEEP] out of there! And Hetaloid is fun! Don't make it sound like a bad thing D;**

**I'm going to Alfred's tomorrow to buy a prom dress! And stuff I'll need when I hit Canada's French (letter) district in September. You know, if Montreal was Canada's [BEEP], then all the little people there must be - !**

**S-sorry. Not gonna continue...**

**Review! =D  
**


	12. Italy 8

**Here's dogsrule as Italy! I got a very nice prom dress but it's kinda fat... but it's okay, my mom is going to fix it! ^_^ Also, something that came to mind while we were shopping and I started checking where all the produce came from:**

**[Me and Huayna eating bananas.]**

**Me: I wonder where this is from?**

**Peru: Check the bag. **

**["PRODUCT OF ECUADOR." On top of it is pasted a note: "From your brother, with love~"]**

**Me: *squeal***

**Peru: *spits***

**Oh yeah, and they have cantaloupes from Guatemala. Strawberries from Costa Rica. Watermelons from Mexico...**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

It's okay if your voice sounds weird right now! It's just means that your voice is changing! I really surprised Mr. Austria when it happened to me!

Oh no! I hope they weren't hurt!

Si! He really does have a lot of them! I'm just glad he had one on that island the Germany, Japan, and me got ship-wreaked on! And I'll be careful!

I know who Canada is! We just played paintball with him and Prussia! But what did America do to him?

Wondering what you mean by explain,

Italy Veneziano

**(A/N: Sorry, FanFiction is being a [BEEP] right now and not letting my section divider thing show up unless I put an extra line here.)**

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

It's _what?_ Why would it change? Is that a normal symptom of throat cancer? Did _you_ get it too? Of course that would surprise Senor Austria! D-do I have to get surgery or something? O_O

If the "getting hurt" part is about the cats and the shoelaces, don't worry! I was holding Chile's shoes and dangling the laces in front of the cat. Chile got yelled at by his boss though. :D

You got shipwrecked? What was it like? That's so cool! I wish I could get shipwrecked, but all I have are those puny Chincha Islands, and you can see the mainland from there on a good day, and I kinda don't like that place because Spain beat me up over them... =_=

Ah, that makes explaining a lot easier. See, America is always imposing his "Americanism" on Senor Canada. There was that incident with the maple leaf sticker, and apparently a lot of people think Canada is just part of America! He's a terrible, terrible person. America, I mean. And that's why he's an evil brother.

Signed,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Ahaha, it's _that_ guy's Peru! I found a bunch of pics of him on Facebook! That one did inspire Huayna's appearance but that's not what he looks like - I'll draw a picture of Huayna and put it on DeviantArt if you like. :)**


	13. Belgium 1

**Here's FMAfletch as Belgium! I still haven't gotten over those Ecuadorian bananas yet...**

* * *

Hello Peru,

This is Belgium and I noticed I haven't spoken to you yet! What are you up to? How are you?

I have learned a lot about your history, so I was wondering, who do you hate more than anyone else?

What is the music like where you are? Do you have a favorite song?

The top song in my country at the moment is "More to Me" by Idool 2011 Finalisten! It's very wonderful.

Well, I hope you have a wonderful day and you should come visit me sometime! I will give you some wonderful waffles and some crepes too!

Met vriendelijke groet,

Belgium

* * *

Hola Senora Belgium,

I am doing well, thanks! I just got over this terrible fever I've had for the last few days and I'm hanging out with Argentina at the moment! I don't want to go back to my brother's place.

Who do I hate? I would have to say - France. Not for historical reasons or anything, just based on his personality. Oh yeah, and he tried to grope my sisters. _And_ my brothers. =_=

We have a wide variety of music here, due to our cultural diversity. Personally, I prefer Quechua music, the music of my ancestors. It brings back fond memories...

I listened to that song, but it was in English so I didn't understand much. It sounds great though!

That sounds like a plan! But aren't crepes, um... French?

Signed,

Huayna Capac

P.S.: I hear you also lived with Spain for a while. What was it like?

* * *

**Oh, France. XD**

**Review~  
**


	14. Italy 9

**Dogsrule as Italy! Ahaha, silly Huayna, who said puberty only happens to humans? XD  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

No, it's not throat cancer! It's just means that your voice is changing into its adult voice! It's a sign of growing up!

Oh, that's great that no one got hurt! But why did he get yelled at?

It was fun! Of course Ludwig was yelling at me the whole time to stop and playing and do something useful! But that sounds really mean of Big Brother Spain to do!

Oh, I heard about America's Americansim! I still don't know why he calls his things pasta when they're not! But maybe someone could ask America to stop doing that to him!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

O_O

I-i-it's a sign of _what?_

Th-that's impossible! I haven't grown in _centuries_, no way, it must be something else! Like, u-um... uh... hmm...

...Oh gods.

I-I think I need to lie down for a while.

_Ciao Senor Italy, this is Argentina_. _Huayna got a really bad stomachache and is currently lying in bed cursing life and random people in the street, so I'll finish the letter for him. Yamai (Chile) got yelled at that time for being late to work. As for the Chincha Islands, Huayna and Papa got into a fight over the guano on the island. (Guano is, uh... w-well, you know how people use manure as fertilizer? It's the same, but with bird poop instead of cow poop.) And things won't change for Senor Canada unless he starts becoming more assertive! At least, that's what Yamai says. Anyway, I must go tend to Huayna now, so talk to you soon!_

_Ayelén Carriedo de Garay (Argentina) _

* * *

**Oh boy, it's going to be Argentina's 15 minutes of fame for the next little bit, isn't it? **_  
_

**When Huayna gets better I'll hunt him down and ****get a picture of him ;D**

**Review! :3**_  
_


	15. Spain 1

**Here's KazeRose as Spain! I dunno if the timing is good or bad, but I guess having Argentina reply is better than putting up with Grumpy!Peru's swearing for 200 words. If you don't like it though please let me know! :P**

* * *

Peruuuuuuuuuuuu~~~

Te amoooooo! I miss you, you knowww! You should come visit...Romano's driving me MUY LOCO!

How're things in South America, well I hope! (don't let America bully you)

Anywho, just checkin' in.

Te amo!

Spain

* * *

_Hola Papá ! ¿Cómo está s? I'm really sorry, but Huayna isn't feeling well at the moment. His voice broke recently, and when he finally figured out why, he - well, he went "muy loco" himself. He's recovered a little since then but he's still in a bad mood so I don't think anything good would come of letting him write the letter right now... you know how he gets when he starts remembering the wars he fought against you..._

_On the other hand, isn't it great that he's finally reached that age? Perhaps he's finally let go of his grudges and decided to move on. I feel so happy for him! Don't you?_

_Si, I understand how it can get with Senor Romano. If you want, I can talk to him and get him to stop upsetting you._

_Things here are going well. There's the feud between Huayna and his two brothers, as always, and Brazil's stopped talking to us recently because he's busy rooting out illegal cattle ranches in his rainforest. The economy's - well, it's faring decently, I guess. I just wish England would give me those damn Falkland Islands already._

_I'm sure Huayna misses you too, deep, _deep_ in that little tsundere heart of his; perhaps he can visit you when he's feeling better._

_Sinceramente,_

_Ayelén_

_P.S.: America built a Walmart in my place. Is that bad?  
_

* * *

**Writing as Argentina feels bland somehow...**

**Review! And LOOK OH OF ALL RANDOM PLACES TO PUT A DISCLAIMER HERE IT IS! I DON'T OWN HETALIA WHEEEEEE~ CHEESECAKE!**

**...Sorry. =_='  
**


	16. Spain 2

**Here's KazeRose as Spain! Peru's a little better... only physically though. D:**

* * *

Hola Peru y Arjentina,

Ah, Papa Spain understands. And please, let's not remind me of any wars fought between my children and I, it brings back painful memories and then I get depressed...

Ah! That would be wonderful if you talked to Romano! Last night he woke me up at about 2 AM, jumping on me in the the same place where the Netherlands kicked me in the stomach during the World Cup...that still really hurts.

I don't think England will give you the Falklands...lo siento.

I really do hope the economy keeps up, I just got over being terribly sick (dammit America)

I was thinking of a family reunion. Bien? I'm not sure though, because a lot of your siblings kinda hate me...

Anyway, Peru, feel better! Arjentina, te amo 3

Amor!

Papa Spain 3

PS: Yes, it is bad. Tell America to destroy it or I'll hunt him down with my ax.

PSS: If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask

* * *

_Hola Papá, Huayna seems to be feeling a lot better today so I'll turn things over to him. But I'd just like to say, I think the family reunion is a good idea! Just make sure Mexico and Romano don't start fighting again... And I _will_ get those Falklands in the end! (He's very cute, by the way. :3) Well, that's it for now! Te amo también ~  
_

H-hi Spain._  
_

Sorry about last time. I guess. We are doing fine here. Chile is a [BEEP]. So is Ecuador. I have finally hit puberty so maybe I'll start looking like I'm older than the rest of these idiots. And maybe Chile will let me go back to my own place. By the way, he is a [BEEP]. Did I say that already? Oops. By the way, Other Sis will have a talk with Senor Romano. I don't have high hopes it will help though. Sometimes Senor Romano can be as much of a [BEEP] as Chile. Oh look, I said that again. Can't you do anything about him? He won't stop bothering me.

You know what America is like, the capitalist bastard. That Walmart is not leaving. When you come here with your ax, I'll gladly join you. Then we can go to Chile's place and burn the place to the ground, yes?

I kinda don't want to go to the reunion. B-but since I d-d-don't _h-hate_ you or anything, I-I guess I'll go.

If your stomach is still hurting, you should go see a doctor. Maybe Netherlands did something bad to your country and its effects are being reflected in your body. Or maybe something important got wrecked in there and you're going to die in a week. Anyway, you should have that looked at. It would be a pity to have Portugal take over the entire peninsula when you're gone.

Damn America indeed.

Signed,

Peru

_Ahaha, sorry... apparently he's still grumpy. I'll try and cheer him up with pisco so he's not so grim next time. ¡Hasta luego~! - Ayelén  
_

* * *

**Oh, Walmart... XD**

**Review~  
**


	17. Spain 3

**Ahaha, I was watching Hetalia parodies and now I can't get this song out of my head...**

**_Parlez-vous francais? Parlez-vous francais? Si tu peux le parler, allez tomber la chemise~_**

**...which is bad. _Very_ bad. Anyway, here is another letter from KazeRose/Spain, while I try and get that disturbing image out of my head..._  
_**

* * *

Peru~

Ah, hahaha. Here I come! America is going to die for throwing that damned chained franchise crap known as Walmart on you!

No, Netherlands didn't do anything but break three ribs...eheheh, they haven't exactly healed yet...apparently, I'm too "active". Half the time I'm sleeping but whatever.

There's nothing wrong with capitalism, my country sorta kinda has capitalism.

You need to learn to love your siblings, Peru. And in return you'll gain more respect.

You're going to the reunion, do you understand me? And good :) Going is better than the alternative.

America and I are going to have a "chat" soon.

Much love,

Spain

* * *

Hola Spain,

I'm sure Other Sis will appreciate that very much. While you're at it, Chile has one at his place too, so you should beat America up twice. Then take a picture of the aftermath and send it to me~ :D

Maybe you should wait until your ribs heal before going back to your, uh... "activities". If you're sleeping half the time, it probably means you're sleepwalking! Don't forget to lock the bedroom door or you might fall down the stairs...

I don't understand capitalism. Why is it that those darn businesses don't want the government sticking their noses in their, well, business, yet when the goings get tough, they rely on the government to bail them out? Or maybe that's just America's way of doing things? I dunno. I can't think. I think I drank too much.

I _do_get respect. It's just that it's the wrong kind. And who said I don't love them? I love Bolivia and Argentina a lot, thank you very much. Chile and Ecuador are just kind of there b-but I g-g-guess they're n-not so b-bad either... Ŏ/ / /_/ / /Ŏ

Somehow, I kind of don't want to know what the alternative is...

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: Is it true that I'll grow hair in weird places when I'm grown up? D:

* * *

**It's still there. _Si tu peux le parler allez tomber la chemise... _**

**Mental scarring~! Though the guy's accent was very good. **

**Review! Perhaps then the song will stop =A=  
**


	18. Spain 4

**Here's KazeRose as Spain! :D**

**Insert random disclaimer message here.  
**

* * *

Peru ~

I "chatted" with America (he won't sit anywhere near me during World Conferences anymore). He said he apologizes for Walmart but that's not his department. He said to talk to the head CEO of the damned company.

My "activities" consist of tomato harvesting and being attacked by Romano...well there's my problem. Hahaha. I suppose I just need to take it easy but thats kinda hard to do when you have Romano. He's a handful, even as an adult.

Capitalism is an okay method, I mean, America's having problems because he's irresponsible. I'm having problems because America is and so on. I much rather prefer that the buisness do what they want. Government control reminds me too much of when Franco took over my beautiful nation. Ughhhhh

You don't want the wrong kind of respect. You want respect that people are happy to give you, not forced.

You're right. You don't want to know the alternative.

Much love~

Spain

P.S: Uhm...welll...yeah :)

* * *

Hola Spain,

I believe France has a term for that... it's like "laissez faire" or something. 'Let the companies do as they want.' Somehow that feels like letting a bunch of dogs loose and expecting them to behave. Dogs frighten me, -_mi._ D8

You should send Senor Romano to boarding school for a few weeks while your ribs heal. Oh, or you can send him here, my sister speaks Italian, I'm sure he'll enjoy hitting on her even though she's got Senor Falklands already. I'll even take him to visit Macchu Picchu if you want! Then we can have Inca Kola and watch the sunset, _without_ Chile, _without_ Ecuador and his stupid bananas... he's selling them to America, did you know that?

Franco sounds mean. May another airhead like him never show up again.

That's not the problem! The problem is that they're treating me like a damn _kid_! You know that kind of feeling you get when you're talking to a kindergartner? That's how bad it can get. Bah, maybe when I grow up they'll finally respect me as an older sibling instead of mocking me with their damn candies and comic books and whatnot. (Candy is yummy though.)

Why do I get the feeling your "alternative" somehow involves an ax? Well, whatever. Make sure there's ceviche and pisco at the reunion, okay?

Okay, I suppose you can have some love back,

Peru

P.S.: I'm scared.

* * *

**I think I still have a bunch of those Ecuadorian bananas in my house :0  
**


	19. Italy 10

**Here's dogsrule as Italy! It's no problem, we all have those intense homework-waves that hit us when we least expect or want them...**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Si! It's a sign of growing up!

Oh, ciao Argentina!

That's really bad he got sick! I hope he starts feeling better soon!

Well maybe someone can try to help Canada be more assertive!

Talk to you soon too!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Sorry about last time, I - well, it comes as a bit of a shock when you find out you're about to [mumble] and [mutter]... A-anyway I'm okay with it now so... yeah.

Not really...

Other Sis is going to lobby her boss to launch another campaign for Senor Falklands. (I feel kind of bad for him, Other Sis can get REALLY scary when she's clingy.) She's not around at the moment so I'll say ciao for her instead :)

I would help, but I don't think Senor Canada would take me very seriously because my siblings make an absolute mockery of me. Why don't you get Senor Germany to teach him? I'm sure it would help a lot.

Signed,

Huayna capac

* * *

**Ecuadorian bananas. In America. Washington (state), of all places. Oh, Costco... XD**

**You know, I think I'm going to eat one now. Be right back~**


	20. Spain 5

**It's KazeRose/Spain! :3 And I cannot get "Ecuadorian bananas" out of my head! XD**

* * *

Peru~

Si. "Laissez faire" means hands off. No governmental intervention. I believe an American president tried that during the Great Depression in the '30's...

Sometimes you need government intervention, in many cases its the only way to get the dice rolling again.

I can't send Romano to a boarding school! That's awful! I may take you up on your offer and send him to Peru...I really need to rest and watching over him is not allowing me to do that.

Franco needs to rot in hell more so than he probably already is. Damn him.

Si! Correcto! My alternative DOES involve my ax! You're so smart, Peru~

Yum! I haven't had ceviche in forver, same goes for pisco. I've been living off Romano's tomato soup (I've been really sick for the past month...damn economy)

Yay! Amor!

Te amo!

Spain.

P.S. Don't be scared, it's all apart of growing up, Peru~

* * *

Hola Spain,

America tries too many "get-rich-quick" schemes. That's probably how he screws the rest of us over. Unfortunately for him, this time not even laissez faire is going to save his sorry ass. If I owed 14 trillion dollars (and still rising), I wouldn't be half as cheerful as that soda-slurper is looking nowadays.

Si! Senor Romano can come pet the llamas and drink coca tea with me! Besides, you should let your bones set properly. I know someone who sprained his finger and never got it treated. It's crooked now. Imagine that with your ribs...

People like that are interesting, I guess, as long as you keep them in a jar like a prize insect specimen and never let them out. I had a little mimosa plant I used to watch in the same way - until Ecuador in all his fat evil glory sat on it. Grr.

How do you keep that ax in such good condition? It's been centuries, hasn't it?

Tsk, you should eat something besides tomatoes. But doesn't seafood make you heal slowly or something? Well, it's okay, I'll settle for paella...

Portugal might be asking Germany for a bail-out soon! D:

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: But I'll be _ugly!_ It's like a reverse Ugly Duckling story! T_T Oops, I think I just heard Senor Falklands scream. Gotta go!

* * *

**Apparently the Falkland Islands are populated almost entirely by Caucasians. Cor, I wanna go there and check it out! :D**


	21. Spain 6

**You know, I'm getting tired of announcing usernames/countries. But anyway, here's KazeRose as Spain. I'll go find more creative ways of saying that... maybe that would help...**

* * *

Peru~

Si, he does, and it does screw the rest of us over. England and I tried to give him an economics lesson once...he promptly fell asleep. He's not trying laissez faire, he's tried bail outs, and it worked, for a bit, then everything went to hell again.

Economic slumps like this are caused by one thing: OVERSPECULATION. If those damn people at Wall Street would stop guessing what the economy will do, we wouldn't be in these kinds of messes.

I really don't want to think about Franco...the Spanish Civil War had me teeter-tottering on the edge of insanity...it was awful. No one wanted to help either, damn World War II.

Mm? My Ax? Well, I clean it every day and keep it away from moisture. It's seen some use these past few centuries

But I loveeee tomatoes! They're so yummy, and they're cheap. Seafood's cheaper than a lot of other things, Peru, and I may sound fruggle, but I need to save money.

Paella it is, then!

Eh? Mi hermana might ask Germany for a bail-out? Shit, I need to check up on her. Hopefully she doesn' try to kill me like last time.

...Why does Germany seem to be the only Nation (other than Switzerland) that seems to be doing all right?

Mucho amor,

Spain

P. won't be ugly, I promise. That's why God invented razors.

* * *

Hola Spain,

Someone should stand behind America with a taser until he learns to control his economy. I nominate Mexico. By the way, how is he nowadays?

Yes, civil wars are the worst. It's always sad to see one people fight amongst itself. But then again, sometimes those people weren't meant to be together in the first place. (Take Sudan, for instance. I only hope North and South will find harmony in separating from each other.)

I shudder to think of who you used your ax on. It wasn't any of my relatives, was it?

Maybe Senor Romano is jumping on you because he's scared of you when he watches you clean the ax. So he crushes your ribs in an attempt to prove to himself you're not as harmful as you look. That's what I think, anyway.

Everyone needs to save money nowadays. What a hassle! T_T

It's okay if she tries to kill you... we have Brazil hostage. And if she doesn't listen, those Santomean twins are going down too.*thumbs-down*

Yup, if you suddenly go missing, she'll be finding a certain South American Lusophone's ear sitting in a box on her doorstep.

Senor Switzerland has his banks, I guess. And Senor Germany manufactures. China is buying a lot lately so it all works out for him. So, the moral of the story is to cater to China to get better? D:

America bought half the Inca Kola company. It's quickly getting personal...

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: I know, but I'm not about to ask my brothers to teach me how to use one of those...

* * *

**Yes, everyone feed China's gaping maw of an economy! Asian invasion! XD**

**Wait, that's bad, isn't it...?  
**


	22. Italy 11

**Here's dogsrule as Italy! The book thing is really ironic! XD**

* * *

Ciao Huyana!

That's okay! I'm sorry for making you faint like that! But si! I guess it really is a big shock!

Grazie! She's seems like she really nice!

OK! I'll try to ask Ludwig! He should be able to help him since he's really smart! He just now taught me how to tie my shoelaces!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola senor Feliciano,

It's okay. Stuff happens, I guess. I don't really want to become ugly and hairy like my brothers but at least I'll get to boss them around... I hope.

You're right, she usually is! But not when something tries to keep her away from Senor Falklands! And never let her pinch your cheeks because it's like she's got crab pincers instead of hands! D:

I'm sure Senor Germany will appreciate it very much! But he might be kinda busy, what with bailing all the other countries out and all... I would help him out, but my own economy would probably implode if I brought stuff from him that few people in my country can afford... ahahaha... =_=

If Senor Germany can't do it, I'll get Mexico or Cuba to help out, so no worries!

Signed,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**I'm working on the picture! Now all I have to do is scan it and color it on my computer... which unfortunately is the hard part. Here I go x.x**


	23. Romano 1

**Here's Yuri n' Chuka as Romano! Hooray, Huayna's network is expanding! :D**

* * *

Dear Peru,

Do you know anything that's good for colds and shit like that? Tomato bastard's been sick for so long, and he keeps bugging me. Then, he cleans that stupid, damned ax of his and it scares the crap out of me! I've seen him use it, and it's like a completely different person...

Good luck with that whole Walmart thing. We actually don't have any here. Hell yes!

* * *

Hola Senor Romano,

Well, I've heard that chicken soup might help. Sometimes ginger tea is good for relieving stuffy noses and such. They have cold medicine but that stuff tastes like shit and anyway I find it doesn't really do anything. But don't you keep jumping on him or something...?

...I'll have to agree with you on that ax thing. :/

Gracias! I do kind of pity America, with his economic situation and whatnot, but he is NOT expanding to my place or I'll complain to my boss.

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: Whatever you do, don't give Spain Tylenol! It tastes like a million cold medicines put together D:

* * *

**Go Youtube misheard Numa Numa lyrics! And then review! :P**


	24. Spain 7

**Here's KazeRose as Spain! :D**

* * *

Peru~ mi amor~

GUESS WHAT? PAPA SPAIN ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING USEFUL TODAY! I felt well enough to crawl out of the saftey of my own bed, go downstairs and make some sopa...muy delicioso. I was then ushered back to bed by a very flustered Romano. Ahaha, he's too wierd~

We all need to leave poor America alone...that includes me. I'm going to chat with him about this later. He's been concerned about me recently, and it's appreciated.

Oh, you don't want to know who I used my ax on. I usually don't clean my ax around Romano. Romano hasn't harassed my poor and aching ribs recently.

Si. It is a hassle, but it needs to be done.

Portugal has always tried to kill me. Mi hermana y yo have always been at one another's throats. We don't get along usually, and she's getting nastier with the way my economy is. But...her's looks to be worse...eheheheh :) (I'm an evil younger brother, aren't I?)

China becoming an economic power is worrisome. God only knows what that bizarre government of his will do with that sort of power. I refuse to cater to the Asian nations to get my economy back on track.

HE DID WHAT? God damn Alfred...I take back all those nice things I said earlier.

Mucho amor,

Spain

P.S. Papa Spain could be your teacher, if you so desire...anyway, your siblings may try and slit your throat or something (I DIDN'T SAY THAT! :D )

* * *

Hola Spain,

Maybe Senor Romano is trying to be helpful! That would be nice, wouldn't it? :D

Bah, America...

But I think Senor Romano saw you anyway... at least, that's what he told me. But it's good that he hasn't been crushing you lately! Now you can go to the doctor and have those ribs looked at.

It's human nature, I guess. My brothers and I don't get along anymore either. And none of us like Brazil either... you may not have minded since you were in control of Portugal back then, but when he took a chunk out of my eastern regions it really hurt. Well, I hope he enjoys all this criticism he's getting for his industries. Karma.

I don't think China's development is very sustainable. Someday it'll come crashing down, and then - well, I dunno, it'll be someone else's turn, I suppose.

It's okay. I'm going to save some money to buy it back. But I'll be saving it in coins. Have you ever been bombarded by a rain of nuevo soles? It's going to hurt, I can tell you that.

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: Yes, they probably would... Isn't it troublesome having to do that nearly every day though?

* * *

**Asian invasions are scary! Chinese is a scary language... I'm surprised I still remember any of it after the lessons stopped...**

**My cousins back in China probably laugh at me whenever they hear me speak. D:**


	25. Philippines 2

**Presenting... solitarycloud as the Philippines! I had some preliminary research done before starting this fic so it's no problem! :3**

* * *

Hola Peru! And yes! You said it right XD

... YOU'RE A BOY? O_O... OHMYGOSH! I'M SO SO SO SOOOOORRY! :( I actually thought you were a girl this whole time... Sorry.

Errr... Ummm... Anyway, sorry I took so long to reply ^_^; recently I've been getting more work than usual (I miss my siesta time *sob* TT^TT)

Also I heard somewhere you weren't feeling well... I hope you get better soon. Aside from candies, I also sent a recipe for lugaw, or rice porridge in English/arroz caldo in Spanish. It always makes me feel better when I'm sick, so hopefully it helps you too :)

I actually got this recipe from China (known as congee), but due to too much Spanish influence the dish is better known by its Spanish name here. Sometimes, I find it funny that some dishes in the Philippines with Chinese origins are known with Spanish sounding names :D

You have a really interesting history :) thanks for sharing! XD If you want to know anything about south east Asian or Philippine history feel free to ask me anytime :)

Sincerely,

Maria de la Cruz

The Philippines

* * *

Hola Maria!

It's okay. I suppose I do look a little, ah, feminine. It's my brother's fault. Everything is his fault. Argh, I don't wanna go back to his place...

I don't mind! You should try and get your work done fast so you have more time to relax! At least, that's what Chile tells me... then he sits in front of the TV and procrastinates for two whole hours before finally starting his paperwork. =_=

Arroz caldo, yum! The Chinese people at my place make it all the time. Thanks for the recipe! I'm feeling much better now, actually. My voice is still weird but it can't be helped. Gracias~

Well, humans work in mysterious ways. XD

I was wondering if you knew anything about the so-called Pacific War? Apparently people keep confusing it with our War of the Pacific. Were you part of that war?

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Yup, I am officially addicted to "Numa Numa" now. Partially because some guy misheard the lyrics as "no my, no my A". I want that A! T_T**

**Review~ And listen to Numa Numa! Bwahahahahaha!  
**


	26. Spain 8

**Tired x.x**

**Hooray it's the Easter weekend! Hooray I'm going to spend tomorrow doing math questions! Bleaurgh.  
**

* * *

Peru~

Who knows with him. Ahaha~ I gave up trying to figure Romano out years ago.

America...who needs him? (Just kidding, it would be bad if something did happen to that dimwit)

Oh, Brazil just wrote to me...

Lo siento, I was a bit busy back then, so if it seems like I was being cold, or I didn't care, that's not the case. I love all my children!

Yeah, mi hermana and I never really get along, but that's okay. I still love her, and if I had the money, I'd bail her out instead, but I'm in the red...so that won't happen.

Wait what? Nuevo soles? Ack.

Good luck with the saving of money!

Mucho amor,

Spain

P.S.I haven't shaved in a little bit since I've been too lazy, but not really, it just becomes habit.

* * *

Hola Spain,

I'm sure he'd like it if you could figure him out. I mean, it might make him happy that you understand him, you know?

True, but I don't like how America seems to be the only thread holding the economy together and he's at his breaking point. :/

Brazil. Sometimes Sis and I cross the border and make cow faces at him. For some reason it really annoys him. A _lot_. More than normal. I don't think he's having any luck getting those ranchers out.

Meh, what's done is done, I guess. He can have that noisy rainforest of his and eat it too for all I care.

Ah, the global debt crisis. I wonder how my cousins are holding up? Maybe I should ask, but I don't really feel like hiking through Ecuadorian territory just to see them.

Yes, we shall bean America with small bits of metal! Maybe then he'll stop denouncing Mexico and Cuba.

Thanks, you too...

Signed,

Huayna Capac

P.S.: That's horrendous, don't America's hobos look like that?

* * *

**Ah, calculus. How we despise thee.**


	27. Italy 12

**...Dang, exam time is coming up soon. I hate exams. x.x  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Well I don't really know what to tell you about that! I guess you'll just have to wait and see!

Ok! I won't try to do it then!

It's ok! I'm sure he's just happy that you care enough!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Why does that give me an unsettling feeling somehow...?

That's good - Senor Falklands never learned. XD

Senor Canada recruits Mexicans in the summer! Isn't he nice? Unlike America...

Sinceramente,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**In one week the triple alliance of English/Math/Physics (otherwise known as _Aftermath_ - see profile for explanation) is finally going to end. But what then? D:**

**FANFICTIOOOOOOOOOON~~~~~~~~ :D :D :D :D :D :D :D  
**


	28. Romano 2

**Whoa, I just noticed I forgot my usual "[username] as [country/etc.]" line in the last chapter! D:**

**...mehhhhhhhhhhh...**

**I think I'll just do it the first few times. So, here's Yuri n' Chuka as Romano!  
**

* * *

Oh shi- He's still hurt there? Fuck... I guess I'll take a look at them later...

Bastard is so STUPID. Just because he felt a little better, he thinks it's ok to try and make himself food... Ugh.

I'll take you advice about the Tylenol.

Signed,

Romano

* * *

Hola Senor Romano,

Send him to the doctor. I think he may need professional help.

What's wrong with making food? I make food all the time when I'm sick. No one else eats it, but that just means more for myself, right?

Ah, unless you're saying he's too sick to walk around. In _that _case... well, you could try giving him some sort of motivation to stay in bed. Like making the rest of the house really cold or something. Or you could stay with him the whole time~! :D

Remember, Tylenol goes by many names...

Sinceramente,

Peru

* * *

**MAAAAAAAAATH I HAAAAAAAAAATE MAAAAAAAAAATH "MATHS" SHOULD STAND FOR "MAIMING AND TORTURING HAPLESS STUDENTS" T_T**


	29. Spain 9

**Well, I came back. I haven't been working on my fics. Nope, I have a far grander project. It's called... Graduation Requirements. Yeah. Blargh.**

**There's also something I'm putting on Youtube after I finish but that's a story for another day :D**

**So, a quick heads-up... while having fun on other letter fics I somehow concocted a French!Peru who's had all his Spanish converted to French thanks to some strange brain injury. Which means you'll get to see him stuttering a lot and sending you weird looks all the time. Like right now...**

**Peru: _Ta gueule._**

**Aww, that's not very nice T_T**

* * *

Peru~

Well, I understand Romano to a point. Like, I don't understand...oh never mind.

Yeah, that's not very nice...you guys take after Belize too much.

Yupppp.

That sounds amusing...ehehe. I don't think America denouncing Mexico and Cuba will ever happen.

Ciao

Antonio

P.S. Well, for me, it's because I'm sick. This may sound weird but the hair on my face doesn't grow that much, so it kinda looks like stubble :) I'll shave tomorrow if I feel up to it...

Yes. They do look like that. As do all hobos around the world

* * *

Spain,

"Never mind" usually indicates some interesting tidbit you're not telling us. So, do tell... *evil grin*

Belize? Oh, that guy. But, we're not mean, we're just being _des amis._ :) Brazil _ne s'oppose p _- um, doesn't object, -_mi_.

Oh, you'd be surprised how much America secretly _dét_ - I mean, despises them. For example, to get to Cuba from the U.S. you have to take an _aéroplane_ to Canada first and then to Cuba, -_mi_. And doesn't America still bear a grudge because of the Alamo? _En somme_, I'd say America denouncing them, _c'est plus possible que _- darn it! I-it's more po-possible than y - _vous pensez_... th-than you th-thi-think!

Right, I better shut up before the French _me - _I mean, gets the b-b-better of m-me. _À bientôt_ - damn it, there it goes again.

Peru

P.S.: ...Stubble. I think _essayer de m'imaginer avec_ I mean trying to i-imag-g-gine mys-self with stubble just short-circuited something up there. _Mierde._

* * *

**Now I know I should've taken Spanish instead of French class. =_=**_  
_


	30. Italy 13

**I'll only be doing the [username] as [country/state/city] thing for newcomers from now on. It's tiring. But as a reminder, here's dogsrule~**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Um… I don't know! Maybe you could try to talk to someone else about it!

Si! That is really nice of him!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

_Salut_ Mr. Feliciano,

I forgot what who we were talking about. It was some elusive character _qui s'appelle _Canada, right? D:

As you can see, the French is still going strong. Which kind of sucks, because I can't even say _lama_ right. What happened to the other L?

Anyway, talk to you soon. I hear some _événements vraiment _I mean r-really _intéressants_ - darn it, I meant really i-interest-ting things - happened between you and _Monsieur Allemagne_ - I mean Germany. Right. Germany. It's beyond PG-13, isn't it... *sideways look*

Huayna Capac (Ha! At least my name _en français est toujours_ - i-is still _le m_ - same th-thing!)

* * *

**Go, Huayna! Fight the French! Poor Canada... XD**

**Peru: *middle finger*  
**


	31. Romano 3

**I wonder how Romano would respond to random French scattered all over the place... XD**

* * *

Ciao Peru,

Yeah, I'll have to do that...

I just don't want him to slip or something and hurt himself. One time I caught a human cold and it got really bad, but I didn't wanna say I was sick, and I ended up getting hit by a dizzy spell while cooking. Feliciano wouldn't stop fussing over me for /days/, even after I got better.

Cheh, I doubt he'd want me to stay with him... Bastard'd probably prefer it if I left completely.

* * *

Hello Mr. Romano,

I'm sure Spain knows how _se soigner_ - argh, t-take care of hims-s-self - after all, he's been around for a very very _longtemps_ - I'm not translating that, just read that out loud - and he's still alive, right? Well, barely, but you get the point...

_Ce - cep - _h-however _je ne _don't think_ pas qu'il veule _th-tha - _qu-que vous partiez _I mean I don't think he wants you to_ p - pa - p-p - _l - l-le-lea - _par _- g-go away! He wouldn't want you to go away! Gah, pardon the French. That beer stein must've left a dent in my _t-tê - tête_ - h-head.

Peru

* * *

**I also wonder if this sort of thing requires surgery...**


	32. Brazil 1

**Here's LiveEatBreathRepeat as Brazil. Uh oh, I see indications of a Not-fem!Argentina. **

**...I wonder if I should leave this to resolve itself. (I wonder too much.) Anyway, your call. :D  
**

* * *

Hello there, my fellow South America neighbor

It's Brazil here. I was wondering how things were going at your house? Oh and think you could tell Argentina to fucking leave me alone already? I'm getting tired of fighting with him all the time.

Until the next Summit,

Luiza 'Brazil' Vieira

* * *

He - hel - h-h-he - hell - _bonjour_.

...

I'm sorry, that was a very poor first impression, but I suffered some head trauma and _maintenant_ random French comes spewing forth. I'm really really sorry. I mean _désolé_. I mean - I give up.

_Argenteuil_ is busy bothering _Monsieur_ Falklands but I will pass on the message. Also you can try asking _Chili_. I'm sure he'd be very happy to help, -_si_.

See you around,

_Pérou - _I mean Peru. Yeah. _Je m'excuse_.

* * *

**Peru is never looking at French Guiana the same way again after this. XD**


	33. Philippines 3

**Yosh, French!Peru is still going strong. (Unfortunately for him.)  
**

* * *

Kamusta Huayna :D

I'm really sorry I couldn't reply any sooner. It's like every time I decide to take a really short break, my paperwork somehow magically doubles...TT^TT Does that ever happen to you?

The Pacific War? Well... That happened during WW2 when Japan took over most of us in South East Asia, East Asia, and Oceania. That was a really horrible time for all of us.

Me? During WW2, I was still a colony of Kuya(big brother) Alfred's so, even if I had nothing with the war at all, I got dragged into it. My house became a battlefield and a lot of sad and inhumane things happened during that time. Sorry... I really don't want to talk about what happened. Manila, my capital, was the second most destroyed city after Warsaw.

But WW2 was a really long time ago. I think all of us already recovered and Japan has already apologized for what he's done so lets not dwell in that subject, shall we? :D

It's not surprising they'd confuse it! The names are really similar. Maybe the historians ran out of names for the war so they just copied the first one? XD

Hope this answered your questions,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. I just realized I forgot to send you mangoes last time! I'm sending them now with this letter. Hope you like them ^w^

* * *

I shall start off on the right foot and say h-hello instead of _Bonjour!_ There, I did it! Hazzah :D

Sorry, it's starting to get really _agaçant_ with all this French. But anyway...

Mister Garcia always used to try and leave me as little p-paperwork as possible because _il croit_ I mean he b-believes that children shouldn't be burdened with intense amounts of work. I dunno if the _président nouveau_ - darn it, the n-new presid-d-dent - is going to do that though. _Quelquef - _s-somet-t-times it might be useful to have a few lackeys around though.

Ah, wars. You'd think after the first one people would learn their lesson. And historians are evil - you do not want to know what the Chilean ones have been calling me. =_=

Fight the paperwork!,

_Pérou_

P.S.: _Merci pour les_ - ugh, I mean th-thanks for the mangoes! They taste much better than Brazil's :D

* * *

**At the very least a CAT scan is probably necessary...**

**Peru: Stupid, annoying Hetalia fan. I'm never talking to you again after this. **


	34. Mexico 1

**Here's Mizuki-Ariaki as Mexico! I wonder if they'd be siblings or cousins? Whoops, here comes Peru with the frying pan, guess I'd better lie low for a while D:**

* * *

Hola Perú, umm oi por que ya nadie me habla, no really everyone of you consider me like the black lamb of the family,what I have done to deserve this kind of treatment, I help every time that I can even in middle of Revolutions like with Spain civil war, economic crisis, health crisis, and more.

Second really I look that much like a girl, MALDICIÓN NADA FUNCIONA. My family hates me hahahahaha I am such a pathetic nation, so pathetic.

First the crisis,then the influenza H1N1 and now the drug dealers what is next another French invasion, I just gave on life, I will spare you of being bothered by me

Mexico

P.D: Please everyone stop saying that I am a girl dammit

* * *

_Cher_ Mexico,

First of all, I think it's fair to warn you about any French I may or may not blurt out in my current state. That French invasion you're talking about? IT'S COMING. HIDE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND RUN.

When in doubt, blame _Amérique_. He's influential and he doesn't like you... you do the math. So I guess you should start by improving America's impression of you. Maybe work on improving the living standards of your people. Oh, and call off those _immigrants illégaux_ - um... i-illega - no, never mind, you know what I mean.

But it's okay to look like a girl! How else will you get all the hot guys? :D

Don't worry, nothing could be worse than _devoir parler _- I mean having to speak to _Chili_, -_mi_.

Peru


	35. Puerto Rico 1

_**Voici**_** ghost-dark as Puerto Rico~**

* * *

Querido Peru,

You remember me, hombre? It's been a while, sí?

I don't know exactly what to write. Just wanted to see how you're doing.

How's Chile, Argentina and the others? Your llama?

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

* * *

Hi Enrique! Long time no see!

I'm writing this in some strange European hospital. Bolivia (you remember her, right?) hit me on the head and now I can't speak _espagnol_ - I mean Spanish. Only French. Life sucks, -_mi._

Chile's being a [BEEP] _comme _I mean a-as _toujours_, _Argenteuil_ is harassing _Monsieur_ Falklands, and my llama has become a _lama_ thanks to this stupid French. The good thing is, I trained him in Quechua, not Spanish, so he'll still understand me, -_mi_. How're things going at your place?

P-Peru and not _Pérou_ :D

* * *

**Let's send him for CAT scanning right about now. Any longer and he'll shoot me with Switzerland's gun.**


	36. Italy 14

Ciao Huayna!

Si! It sure looks like it!

Well, that's what I'm being told right now! My head still hurts!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

_Salut_ Mr. Feliciano,

Well, I hope your head feels better soon. Um, try not to freak out too much when you find out what you and Mr. Germany did...

It's time to go get my head fixed. Talk to you later!

Finally going to be rid of French,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Or is he...? XD**


	37. Spain 10

**And so, Peru went to get his concussion taken care of, but now he doesn't remember much. I'm sure it'll all come back soon...**

**Peru: Who're you?**

**Me: I'm - uh - I-I'm your best friend! :D**

**Peru: ...Really... =_=**

* * *

Peru~

No. Never mind means never mind.

What's with all the French? Do I needa speak it so you can understand me? I can if you want...

Ahh-America, what a trip. Pfft. Yes he does! And he bares a grudge to me for Cuba and the Spanish American war...he won that! I LET him win. Stupid brat. grrr.

Ahaha-buene suerte con la francés!

Antonio

P.? I'm sorry! DX

* * *

Hello,

Who's this? What's this "never mind" about? Of course it means never mind, but... huh? D:

Huh? French? What's French? I don't - what?

Spain and America fought a war? Wait, _you're_ Spain, right? Oh my gosh, I can't remember anything right now! I do feel like pummeling a certain cocky blond right now, but I don't remember being mad at Argentina...

EHHHHH? x.x

Sighed,

Um... who am I again?

P.S.: There's a strange person sitting beside me. I'm scared... what if it's a stalker...

* * *

**Bolivia: T_T**

**Well, at least he forgot who America is, too. XD**


	38. Puerto Rico 2

**French!Peru was too hard to write, so he's become Memory-loss!Peru instead. Though, sometimes I think he's just pretending in order to catch you off-guard...**

* * *

Querido hermano...,

I see. Yes, I remember Bolivia, but why did she hit you?

Well, Chile has always been a *beep*, what changed? If Argentina is being a culo, then I can deal with him if that's fine...*evil grin*

I'll never understand you and that llama.

I'm fine besides the fact that I'm an idiot's territory. Estados Unidos has a hard head, and my bat is starting to break.

Dios...how long is the French going to last? It creeps me out. Blame Francia for that! P-Pervert...

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

* * *

Neh? Huh? Ara... H-hi Enrique...

I don't remember why she hit me either. Who _is_ Bolivia anyway?

Chile? You mean that little whelp south of me? Of course, he's been an annoying little twerp since the day I met him. I know I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but while we still lived together he used to wet the bed a lot. And blame it on me. As for Argentina... wait, who's that?

What llama? D:

Who's Estados Unidos? Is he the cocky blond I suddenly feel like punching in the face? The one who doesn't like Mexico and Cuba? If that's him, I'll lend you a bat. Do I _have_ a bat...? I think so...

Freeeeeeennnnnch? You mean that language French Guiana speaks? Why would I be speaking French? And which one's French Guiana, again?

Ignorance isn't bliss after all,

... Hold on. It's on the tip of my tongue. No, never mind, I still can't remember who I am.

* * *

**He's remembering the Chile from several centuries ago, not the current Chile. Thus, "annoying little twerp".**


	39. Romano 4

**It's almost done. All that's left is to fix a few more things and then upload it! I'll explain what the "it" is in the next chapter.**

* * *

... This just isn't right for one of Spain's kids to be speaking FRENCH of all things. I mean, seriously. What the fuck?

A-anyway, do you have any clue as to what happened last night? All I know is that my head hurts, and Spain needs to put some Goddamn clothes on.

* * *

You sound like someone I know, but I don't remember who that might be :D

What? Spain? Clothes? ...Last night? ...Head hurts?

...

I have no idea~! But at least you only forgot a little bit - I can't remember a whole bunch of stuff! D:

I'm sure it was fun though. Anyway, I'll remember who you are and who I am in a few hours... hopefully.

Signed,

Some person who just found out that weirdo sitting beside him isn't his best friend after all

* * *

**Darn it! I almost had him that time D:**


	40. Mexico 2

**It's uploading! Hooray! (The "it" is a Youtube video I've worked on since February, that I finally completed yesterday, yay!) These darn headphones are pinching my head very painfully :/**

**Anyway, the link will probably come next chapter - well, during one of today's updates, anyway. Have a look-see when I'm done :D**

* * *

Umm Perú

OTRA INTERVENCIÓN FRANCESA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PEOPLE GET IN ARMS, AND IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN SHOOT SOME DRUG DEALERS ON THE WAY.

Oh wait, France is not trying to conquer me with weapons, geeze.

Well it does not surprise me, umm Perú I know that you have good politicians, but remember that for some reason in my country the only ones in the power are assholes, they won't listen to me... Maybe I should take the matter in my own hands, you know instead of the people choosing the president, I will choose, you know tha my people want my president to quit.

You know that ii is not that easy, before all 11/9 it was like this. A mexican cross the border, works for a year or two to get money for their family, then comes back to spend time with their family, and the fucking idiot spends the money hard earned in stupid things.

My people does not want to help themselves, I mean teachers do not teach, people spend more than what they gain, I can not make all of the change in a instant.

I miss when my people were idealists, or like Lazaro Cardenas, one of my best presidents, when there was still hope.

I DO NOT LIKE GUYS (His face is very red of embarrassment) I do not want a some motherfucking handsome guy to sweep me on his arms and... (sighs with his face still red)

I know something worse ARGENTINA.

México

P.D: Hope that all of you speech in French will stop soon... o and please in front of me do not call "him" like the continent États-Unis should do right.

* * *

Hi Mexico,

Well, the French has stopped. But so have a whole bunch of other things, like my memories, for one...

Drug dealers. Are those like card dealers? :D

I still don't get who this "France" person is. I hear he's a pervert though. And he may or may not be in the hospital room next to mine. At least, that's what the strange people sitting beside me - one of them, anyway - said.

When in doubt, stage a coup d'etat. It's effective, impressive _and_ fun at the same time :3

Maybe your people need some kind of motivation in order to get things going. At least, that's what Mr. Garcia told me once. Now, if only I could remember who that was... But don't worry, there's always hope as long as people believe in it! Don't give up!

Why's your face red? Handsome guys are cool, unless they're Ecuador. Oh. Wait. Ecuador's that guy north of the noisy blond jerk, right? The - the - um, what's his name... that guy with the glasses and the fugly smile.

A-anyway, I'll get back to you when I can remember things again...

Signed,

I think my name's, um... Biru or something like that?


	41. Philippines 4

**It. Is. Done. Have. Link. :D**

**http: / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = oLyDCWP3HKM**

* * *

Dear Huayna,

... Umm, why are you speaking French all of a sudden? Is France over there? Is he doing something bad to you? Do you want me to come over and whack him with my walis (broomstick)?

Sorry about that. ^_^;; I tend to worry easily and, with the stories I've been hearing about France from Vietnam, I don't want anything bad to happen to you...

Really? Ang swerte mo talaga! (You're so lucky!) Your old boss seems really nice and I hope your new boss does the same :)

The paperwork is finally halfway done! I'm so happy! I even found time to watch that new DVD S. Korea sent me XDDD

Sure, no problem! I'm glad you liked my mangoes. This time I sent pineapples :DDD

Hope the French stops,

Maria

The Philippines

* * *

Hola Maria,

Technically, France probably _is_ over here. Except I can't see him. I'm just going with what the people around me are saying. Feel free to come whack him, though. I hear he's a pervert.

Wh-what did France do to Vietnam? Was it perverted things? I might not want to know... O_O

...Did something happen to my old boss? Darn it, why can't I remember?

Korea makes DVDs? Oh, you mean those dramas I keep hearing about, right? That must be fun :D

Ooh, pineapples are sour - Nooooo! Give it back, familiar-looking person whose name I can't quite remember! She won't let me have it until I've recovered - from whatever it was I must've contracted, because I sure as hell don't remember...

The French (and more) has stopped,

"Turkey"

* * *

**Because "peru" in Portuguese is "turkey" XD**


	42. Spain 11

**I'm playing badminton with my buddies today! I will continue updates very very late at night when no one else is awake :D**

* * *

P-Peru?

Are you all right? Just what in the world happened to you?

Ay...dios mios...what a mess...

Yes America and I fought in a war...and I am Spain

S-sorry.

Spain

P.S. It's probably Bolivia...

* * *

Spain,

I _think_ I'm all right... I mean, I feel fine... I just have memory loss, I guess. Someone told me this Bolivia person hit me on the head but that's silly! It doesn't hurt or anything!

...Oh. Right. Anesthetics. I think they're wearing off soon...

S-Spain. Right. Got it. You are Spain. And I'm probably Peru, given what everyone keeps calling me. Right, I'm on my way to recovery now :D

Talk to you soon (hopefully I won't have forgotten what we were talking about),

Peru

P.S.: Isn't Bolivia supposed to be that Bolivar creep's child? I-I mean, not creep, um, "hero". She doesn't look very much like him D:

* * *

**Wikipedia told me Bolivia was named after Simon Bolivar. I hope it's not lying to me...**


	43. Italy 15

**Uuuuuuurrrgh... I went home after badminton, ate noodles, ate some bacon (don't judge...) and all of a sudden I felt really sick. It might've had something to do with the water in my bottle. It tasted like soap. I hope it isn't anything serious...**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Grazie! I hope it gets better soon too! Huh? What do you mean?

OK!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hi. Who's this? :D

U-um... I... actually don't really know what I meant. I forgot. But, um... I'm g-glad to see you are well. S-send my best regards to your friends. D:

Signed,

Peru. Apparently that's who I am...

* * *

**Go go Power Rangers! I mean Generic Replies! Japan's good at them too XD**

**Oh yeah, and that mimosa I was prattling about a while ago? I planted the seeds and one of them just sprouted! After 3 weeks... and I don't even know how its 7-8 other cousins are doing in that pot. Maybe I should dig them up and see. **


	44. Puerto Rico 3

**Older Sister Argentina got overruled. I'm writing Argentina as a guy from now on.**

**Ugh, still feeling really sick... ****but strangely better now that I'm on FanFiction again. XD**

* * *

P-Peru,

Dios, what happened? Damn it Bolivia! Okay, okay...um...

Bolivia is one of your fellow hermanos de America del Sur. Along with with Argentina(the annoying, egotistic man living near you).

Estados Unidos...I believe that's him. Does the idiota have blue eyes and glasses and sometimes randomly says 'I'm the hero!'? Oh, and weird stray hair always sticking up?

If so, that's him.

Plus, you have a llama named...Caca? Tupac...oh! Me recuerdo! His name is Capac!

I'm sure your memory will return soon hermano.

About the French...it's a long story. Don't worry about it.

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

P.S. You are Peru, okay? Mi hermano mayor!

P.S.S. No worries, chico, I have plenty of bats.

* * *

Hola Enrique,

Well, I think my memory is slowly returning... that person beside me is looking more and more familiar. The one on the other side... *ignores*

Ar...gen...ti...na? Oh, you mean the blond one who keeps stabbing his fingers into my butt whenever I bend over? Yeah, he's a handful too... why's Spain making me take care of these damn brats who aren't even fully related to me...

Yeah, I think that's him! But lots of nations have weird hair... I have Loreto and Tumbes/Piura, for instance. Don't you have any?

What does my last name have anything to do with llamas? I agree that llamas are _capac_ (splendid), but... wait, I think I'm remembering something... Oh yeah, that's right! I _do_ have a llama! But I thought his name was Huascar.

I hope my memory returns soon! D:

Why is everyone being so hush-hush about France/French? Did he do something bad? It had something to do with being perverted, right?

Peru

P.S.: What's a bat? Do you mean one of those flappy blood-sucking things?

* * *

**...Because vampire bats are indigenous to South America, where they haunt Chilean cattle at night.  
**

**Poor Peru's still stuck in his colonial era in terms of his memory. But, Argentina's One Thousand Years of Death really was something to fear back in those days...XD  
**


	45. Romano 5

**The sick feeling is passing, hooray!**

* * *

... Peru. It's me. Romano. You know... Mexico hates me?

At least you aren't speaking fricking French anymore.

How is waking up n-n-naked next to your former boss /fun/?

* * *

Romaaaaaaaaano? It sounds familiar... say, you have the air of an Italian. Are you, by any chance?

Why would Mexico hate anyone besides America? Wait, maybe you're American, not Italian! So, which one is it? D:

What's wrong with French? What _is_ French? Darn it, why is everyone keeping this whole France thing away from me T_T

Hmmmmmm. Well, since you're naked, I think it was probably really hot last night so you took off all your clothes in order to sleep well. And, um, maybe you had a nightmare, so you went to sleep with your boss because you were feeling uneasy being by yourself! I don't know what else it could be. Chile and Argentina always do that so I'm just speaking from experience...

Sincerely,

Peru-turkey

* * *

**Somehow that has a nice ring to it XD**

**Oh, and Peru's memories are still in the colonial age. His siblings don't do that anymore.**


	46. Panama 1

Peru!

Me recuerdas? Soy yo, Panama! You know, one of the only other countries that have your same age and gender? You Do remember Me right?

Are you in the hospital? What happened? Did you, like, drink something with too much alcohol?

You where speaking french... FRENCH! POR DIOS! COMO ES POSIBLE QUE ESE IMBECIL PEDAZO DE BASURA EUROPEA TE ALLA PEGADO ESO!

*sigh* calmate Panama. Odias a Francia, no a Peru, asi que para de gritarle...

Espero que te recuperes pronto! ^^

Signed,

Panama

P.S. If you really lost your memory, maybe this will refresh your mind! When "Spain" -.-', took control of my country, he used my awesome geography to get to you and conquer you too!

P.S.S. Please don't hit me! I know you hate me because of this, but this doesn't have to include violence! ^^;;

* * *

Ehhhhhh? D:

Somehow your name is familiar, and I'm pretty sure I remember all my relatives, but I just can't match the names to the faces... which one are you again?

Yeah, I'm still at the hospital. It had something to do with me getting a concussion, I think. These two people sitting by my bed keep contradicting each other when I ask them. One says the other hit me on the head, and the other says I fell down the stairs. At this stage, I can't tell yet who's lying.

Gyaaaah! I'm scared! Wh-why is French such a bad thing? I don't get it any of this! D8

Signed,

Peru-turkey (I dunno, someone was calling me this...)

P.S.: He... did... WHAT? O_O

...

Who's Spain again? Does this have anything to do with these scars I just found all over my body?

P.P.S: But violence is fun~! *yandere face* :D

* * *

**I wonder if I should go for Inca!Peru next. XD  
**


	47. Mexico 3

Oh no amnesia ne~

At least the French stopped, they will come back eventually ne~ I hope so ne~ I should have some ritual/curse to get your memories back.

And I am better than England at using magic, at least I know what the hell I am doing.

No, those motherfuckers are bad people that give drugs that can kill you to children and make them addicts.

Stay away from him, I know what I am talking about, he tried to rape me and make me his wife twice.

Ummm what did you say, I do not understand you.

Yeah, maybe if someone gives them motivation, in reality my people work hard if they like the boss, if the boss is interested in what they want to say.

Yeah there is still hope ne~ I know that because a little part of me is still idealist, so there had to be some idealists out there ne~

MY FACE IS NOT RED NE~ Ummm yeah, I do not know I am confused of all that. Ummm no Ecuador is north of you, south of Colombia, I will put a map with this, if it is fine.

Noisy blond jerk, the only noisy blond jerk that I know is États Unis or United States, o Estados Unidos o tarado idiota como le llamo en mi cabeza.

Glasses fugly smile, like I said I only remember right know that one.

Get back to me, I just said that Argentina is worse because he has a enormous ego bigger than his country ne~  
Ah, I see  
Hope that you recover your memories soon ne~

México

You are Perú, once called Virreinato de Perú, Argentina y Chile are the ones that were under your charge

* * *

Hola México,

Ooh, you know magic? That's awesome! Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat, or eat fire, or other cool stuff like that? :D

Drug dealers sound dangerous. I'll make sure to avoid them if I can.

F-France tried to make you his wife? But, I thought you were a boy...

I forgot what I was trying to say though. Haha, isn't this fun. Just as some of my memories are coming back, others are disappearing. =_=

Ideas are only ideas, they need to be made into actuality to be of any use. At least, that's what some weird brunette once told me. I don't quite remember who he is though.

Oh, okay, so the blond jerk I wanna punch is the United States. Got it. When I go home I'll have to greet him, won't I? *evil grin*

Ah, I see, so that's Canada on top of the blond jerk, and Ecuador - WHAT THE HECK? When did he get all that land? ...What? Chile and Argentina... Wh-when did all this happen? How come Brazil's extended so far west now? Wh-where's Gran Colombia and Río de la Plata and them? A-and Bolivia - what - our marriage - huh? D:

Oh Dios, I don't get what's going on around me...

Peru

P.S.: Yes, I remember Spain making me take care of them, but I don't remember them becoming independent countries. Ooh. Argentina's fat, ahahaha~

* * *

**Strangely, this letter fic was the cure for my nausea. Ah, the wonders of fanfiction :D**

**Oh, and the "weird brunette" he's referring to is Chile.  
**


	48. Announcement

Hello,

I wanna try out a new format for a bit - instead of replying with individual letters I'm going to make a couple of talk show episodes with Peru as the guest. Afterwards I'll continue the letters as usual, but if you're interested in the talk show thing (somehow I feel really uncomfortable calling it a talk show) send in... um... weird and wonderfully embarrassing questions for him to answer, I guess. Alright, let's give this thing a shot!

Now I'm going back to crooning over my beloved mimosa sprout. Until next time! :D


	49. Talk show episode 1

**Well, here goes: my first attempt at a talk show. I was doing this with shimeji running on full steam on my desktop, so I did make some references to them throughout. For those that don't know, shimeji are little desktop mascot things that run around climbing the sides and the top of your screen (blocking parts of the screen, darn it) and multiplying like crazy. I'd tell you to Google it, but apparently it's also a type of mushroom, so I've taken the liberty of telling you outright what it is. Oh crap, one of them just split...**

**Oh yeah, and for the talk show I had to make Peru un-forget. When he returns to the letters he'll have memory loss again though~  
**

* * *

Me: Um...

Peru: ...

Me: Well, excuse me! I've never done talk shows before!

Peru: You've never run away from a fire-breathing dragon before either, but does that give you an excuse not to know what to do?

Me: =_=

Peru: Exactly.

Me: A-anyway, um, w-welcome to [insert talk show title here] with Lili and RayRay. Our guest for today is... Peru. Um...

Peru: You're lame.

Me: Gee, thanks.

Peru: Why is there an army of little Italies having babies via tomato box on the screen? =_=

Me: But they're cute! Look, one of them's eating pasta - oh, another one just split.

Peru: Overpopulation.

Me: B-but, let's start before things get out of hand! Ahahaha... First letter! D:

Peru: *grumbles*

_Hi! Hi! Peru XDDD_

_This is cloud-chan :) I was bored so I decided to ask you some question :D_

Peru: And so, the interrogation begins. God help me.

Me: Don't be mean... at least greet her. Hi, cloud-chan!

Peru: Meh.

_ 1. for some letters you replied to my beloved inangbayan (motherland) aka the Philippines, you started talking in French and in the last letter you were amnesiac-y. Is this normal for you?... No you can't arrest me, reading my motherland's letters is not against the law (I had permission :p)and I'm just a concerned citizen since she said she was worried about you._

Peru: You know, I can't concentrate with all those shimeji crawling around all over the place.

Me: They're not 'crawling'! They're very cute! And just answer the question! D:

Peru: Hmm? Well, I guess it's - oh god, Romano just tomato-boxed. =_=

Me: Really? :D

Peru: Ahem! Anyway... no, it's not normal at all. It's all _her_ fault. *glares*

Me: Well, your day-to-day lifestyle isn't exactly exciting...how else will readers stay interested?

Peru: They don't have to. I was having a great time before _you_ showed up, you know.

Me: How is that possible? You didn't even _exist_ then!

Peru: It's all in the manual. Don't tell me you didn't read the manual.

Me: What manual? D:

Peru: Ugh... *facepalms* Moving on!

_2. I've been wondering this for a while... Are you gay, bi, or straight?_

Peru: O_O

Me: Um... are you okay? D:

Peru: N-next question please.

Me: Nope! We've got to go through these in order!

Peru: D-darn you...

Me: Come on! Tell us! Tell us! :D

Peru: Never! *blushes*

Me: You could reveal the name of your crush instead...

Peru: But I don't have one! D:

Me: Lies... wasn't that you making eyes at Argentina last time?~

Peru: N-no! O / / _ / / O

Me: Riiiiiiight...

Peru: W-well... if I _had_ a sexuality, i-it would be, um... s-straight, I guess. D:

Me: Aww... okay. (But that's so boring...)

Peru: Moving on, please.

_ Can't think of anymore qustions :(_

_ bye for now,_

_ cloud~ :3_

Me: Well, that's no problem! Good concerned-citizen-ing, by the way!

Peru: Hmph.

Me: Right, on to the next set of questions! :D

_Ciao Peru. This's Katarina, and I have a few... Questions... to ask you._

Peru: Wh-what's with the "..."? Oh crap, this is bad, isn't it? Really really bad...

Me: Let's find out! :D

_1) Have you ever felt more than just sibling attachment to one of your family members?_

Me: *couhgsArgentinacoughs*

Peru: I do NOT! D:

Me: Yes you do~~~

Peru: No I - okay, let me make this clear. I have four siblings. Chile's a dickhead. Ecuador's a dickhead. That leaves Argentina and Bolivia, right? Well, Bolivia and I were married for a few years during the 19th century, but nothing - NOTHING, I SWEAR, NOTHING - happened between us. And Argentina has Senor Falklands, so that takes care of everyone~.

Me: Are you sure nothing happened between you and Bolivia? :(

Peru: Let me put it this way: I was twelve and she was ten. Okay?

Me: So then, you're a pedophile...

Peru: M-most certainly not! *flustered*

Me: No, no, that's not quite right... a - "hebephile". That's the technical term for it. Hey, guess what? My friend at school has a crush on this Taiwanese pop star called Hebe. So I guess you could say he has "Hebephilia". But that word actually means he likes preteens. XD

Peru: You're random. And also jeopardizing your anonymity. =_=

Me: [changes subject] But you and your sister have been through so much together... are you_ sure _you don't have any, ah, special feelings for her? :D

Peru: ...Next question please.

_2) Did you EVER think Romano was a girl because of the dress Spain made him wear?_

Peru: It's okay, lots of little boys wore dresses back then. Trousers are for sissies. Like you, annoying Hetalia fan.

Me: Meanie T_T

Peru: Anyway, shouldn't you do something about these shimeji? They're running rampant like rabbits. And also doing something else like rabbits...

Me: Hehehehe! Look, it's another tomato box! 8D

Peru: Oh brother. =_=

Me: Hehehehe, there are so many of them I can't even see what I'm typing! Isn't this fun?

Peru: No. And, to answer your question, Katarina, only when he was being whiny. But he was always whining when he came to the new world so I guess you know what that means...

Me: And another tomato box! Wow, that's 3 in a row now! XD

Peru: ...Focus. *whacks Lili and RayRay*

Me: Hey, how come the Romano shimeji multiplies faster than the Italy one? :D

Peru: Isn't that obvious? It's because he [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]

Me: U-um, sorry, I didn't quite get that. C-could you repeat it again?

Peru: Never mind... let's just say it has something to do with Spain. And a bed. Yeah. =_=

Me: O_o

Peru: Next question!

_3) Can you shoot Mexico in the head for m- Romano! Off my computer, dammit!_

_ Romano: So close... So fucking close..._

Peru: Well, it might be kinda fun... I have a water pistol, I hope that's enough. But I can't do it right now. I'll go to his place later.

Me: Well, that's it for today! Hope you had fun!

Peru: Bye.

Me: Aww, don't be grumpy.

Peru: I hate you.

_[lights fade]_

Peru: H-hey, I have a question for you.

Me: Yeeeees? :D

Peru: What happens in the tomato box?

Me: O_O

Peru: How do those Italies keep coming out of the box? I'd like to know.

Me: U-um... I-I think you'd better ask Chile about those things. Y-yeah. O_O

* * *

**Yay, first episode done! ****And solitarycloud has a suggestion to add dares to this. And so it shall be - I'll accept (I mean, _Peru_ will accept, hehe) dares as well as questions. Thanks for the suggestion! :D **

**Peru is so grumpy... D:**_  
_


	50. Talk show episode 2

**Happy Victoria Day, you guys! Unless you don't live in a Commonwealth country, in which case... happy, um, Monday. :D**

* * *

Peru: Again, with more confidence this time. Come on, you can do it!

Me: Wow, a rare word of encouragement from Huayna! Awright, here goes! *stares at audience* :D

Peru: ...

Me: :D

Peru: ...

Me: :D

Peru: =_=

Me: :D... *deflates*

Peru: *sigh*... Welcome to another round of Torture the Peruvian with the annoying Hetalia fan. Today we have... *grimaces* Bolivia sitting in the sidelines for some strange unknown reason.

Me: It's because she's worried about you! :D

Peru: Oh? When did we suddenly get all perky and hyper again?

Me: D:

Peru: Let's just get this done as soon as possible. Okay, the first letter...

_Hola Perú_

_ Soy Mizuki Ariaki, the one who lends her lap to your cousin until he gets enough..._

_ México: SHUT UP NE~_

Peru: See, if even my cousin won't stand for this, then I won't either.

Me: Aww, don't be mean... Hi Mizuki Ariaki! *waves*

Peru: Meeeehhhhhhhh 。

Me: I suppose that's Peruvian for "Hello"... =_=

_ 1)First the food of your country is as good as everyone told me ne~_

Peru: Oh yeah. It's terrific. Better than that French bastard's, if you ask me.

Me: W-well... I'd say at least on par... Please don't invoke France's wrath upon yourself...

Peru: It's better. Mine's multicultural. So there, stupid wino! *thumbs nose*

Me: Oh! It's just occurred to me - don't you cook for Chile a lot too? :D

Peru: ...

[silence]

Me: :D

Peru: ...

Me: :D

Peru: ...

Me: :D

Peru: ...

Bolivia: D:

Peru: ...No.

Me: *jumps up* LIES! Bwahahahaha! I _knew_ you were going to say that!

Peru: I knew _you_ were going to say that too. =_=

Me: Why don't you just warm up to your beloved bwutherrrrrrr? :3

Peru: _Half_-brother.

Me: Deny it as much as you like, you two are still rela~~~~~~ted~~~~ :D

Peru: What the hell's wrong with your speech all of a sudden? I thought you hated tildes.

Me: No~~~~~~pe~! Not at a~~~~~~ll~~~~~~~~!~

Peru: Um... =_=

_ 2) Ummm which country do you hate the most ne~_

Peru: *about to speak*

Me: [interrupting] Chile~! :D

Peru: Hey, did she ask you or me?

Me: But we all know it anyways...

Peru: You still have no excuse to butt in like that. *glares*

Me: Aww... sorry... :(

Peru: [glowering] You should be.

Me: Say, why do you hate him so much anyway?

Peru: I'm sure you know that very well too.

Me: But the audience doesn't... *puppy dog eyes*

Peru: =A=

Me: Pwease?

Peru: *sighs* Fine. It's because he's a jerk. There. Done. Can we move on?

Me: [to audience] Actually it's because he and Chile were always at odds with one another in the past. And then there was the War of the Pacific in the 1880s...

Peru: Moving on.

Me: But I think you're just jealous because the guy you used to scold for wetting the bed is now all grown up and belittling you~! Am I right?

Peru: Moving on.

Me: Or maybe it's because he's insisting that pisco came from his place...

Peru: M o v i n g - o n .

Me: Or

_3) Umm this one is from your cousin,_

_México: Thanks, umm why do I feel that I offended someone without meaning it, and wants you to shoot my head._

Me: Hey, I didn't get to finish my thoughts...

Peru: _Tant pis._ I mean -

Me: Le gasp! You still speak it! XD

Peru: O-only because of you! Stupid Frenchie!

Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I hope that got recorded! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Peru: *picks up tea kettle*

**PLEASE STAND BY**

Me: Ahahaha... haha... anyway... Oh my head hurts.

Peru: Too bad you didn't lose your memories. By the way, Mexico, your New Spain personality said something we can't air on the talk show, but not to worry. Hmm, I wonder if your New Spain could rip Chile's man-parts off for me...

Me: O_o Well, back to the subject at hand... Someone sent Huayna a Nerf gun filled with marbles today.

Peru: Oh yes, I think it was Santa.

Me: Please, no Vocaloid references... So, what're you going to do with the gun? :D

Peru: What that gun was meant to do.

Me: Uh oh...

Peru: Sorry, Mexico, you're about to get a bit of a headache... nothing an Aspirin won't cure.

Me: Why are you so mean? D:

Peru: No reason~. Anyway, I'll be right back...

Me: Nuh-uh, you can't leave until you answer the other set of questions!

Peru: Darn you. =_=

_Hi Peru!_

_ This is the super awesome dogsrule talking! Welp I have some questions!...dang…what were they again?..OH YEAH!_

Me: Hi dogsrule! :D

Peru: H-hello. :/

_ 1. Why do you keep ranting about Walmart?_

Peru: Because I hate Walmart.

Me: But why?

Peru: Because one day Senor Italy brought it up and it suddenly struck me how invasive that chain store is. Almost like that mimosa you're obsessed with.

Me: But why?

Peru: I don't know why you like that stuff so much.

Me: But why?

Peru: ...Anyway, I don't like Walmart because Walmart doesn't like me. There. On top of that, the annoying Hetalia fan always enjoys finding stuff to complain about, and so...

Me: But why?

Peru: Shut up before I hit you again.

_ 2. What has the 'annoying Hetalia fan' done to you? I want some pointers from her. ^_^_

Peru: ...Oh ho ho...

Me: "Oh ho ho" is right~. Heh heh heh... *evil grin*

Peru: Sorry, "Oh ho ho" might be right, but "Heh heh heh" is not.

Me: _*_pouts*

Peru: But anyway, this annoying person's done _heaps_ she's not supposed to. For example, calling me out at random moments. I was in the shower that one time and she had the nerve to drag me out of the bathroom just to make me write that letter to Spain! It was so not worth it. =_=

Me: Wait, when did you get a bathroom? D:

Peru: Anything can and will fit inside that retarded mind of yours, dumbass. Say, can I have an anti-Chilean gun?

Me: Y-you have the Nerf gun. =D

Peru: And...?

Me: And you a-already have a gun. =D

Peru: [raising eyebrows] So?

Me: S-so I'm s-scared you'll sh-shoot me. =D

Peru: What's wrong with your emoticons all of a sudden? Is that supposed to be a forced smile or something?

Me: =D

Peru: Ugh, whatever. Fine, I'll go and shoot Mexico and dispose of this gun first. _Then_ I can have that anti-Chilean gun, yes?

Me: Well, okay! Actually... [checks watch] we've run out of time for this episode, so join us next time for another round of fun questions! :D

Peru: But -

Me: Apologies to dogsrule for splitting the questions into two portions! This thing is going beyond what I'd call a comfortable word count range... your questions are continued in the next chapter!

Peru: Does that mean I'm going to shoot Mexico now?

Me: I'll get the first aid kit ready...

[lights fade]

* * *

**"Santa" refers to the Vocaloid song "The Last Revolver" by Gumi. The first line goes, "Santa sent me a revolver with real bullets".**

**Next segment coming in a few hours! Just... gotta... finish my graduation requirements thingy... first... T_T**


	51. Talk show episode 3

**Something was supposed to go here but I forgot what it was. But just by saying that, I've put something here, so this might as well be the original something I was going to put here. If you understood that last bit, you are a wonderful person! Congratulations!**

**Anyway, back to working on my other fics. I-I mean, graduation requirements! Yes! D:  
**

* * *

Me: I'm not doing intros anymore! It's too debilitating!

Peru: Good for you.

Me: So... moving right along! Last time we left two of dogsrule's questions unanswered. Here they are:

_3. What's mimosa?_

Peru: Fun stuff.

Me: You mean the questions or the mimosa?

Peru: I hate the questions.

Me: Okay...

Peru: Mimosa is a type of plant that came from my continent. Search up "mimosa pudica" on Youtube and you'll see why they're so unique.

Me: Why don't you just say it?

Peru: Because people are meant to be worked to the bone! Bwahahaha -

Me: No they're not! Since you're not going to say it, then I will! It's a plant with leaves that close up when you touch them! They grow everywhere in Southeast Asia (Singapore~) and South America! :D

Peru: I step on them every day. And, incidentally, way to encourage laziness, RayRay. =_=

Me: Am not! And just for that, I'm running the shimeji again!

Peru: ...

Me: ...It's tomato-boxing. :D

Peru: ...

Me: What?

Peru: Come to think of it, Chile never did tell me what happens in the box.

Me: You... don't need to know. On to the next question! =D

_ 4. And…I forgot the last one… -_-;_

Peru: That's okay; me too, actually. What was that about Youtube again?

Me: Never you mind~!

Peru: Oh yeah, i have a theory about the tomato boxes. Tell me if I'm wrong, okay?

Me: I'm scared ._.

Peru: I think it's not the characters themselves at all, but rather their progeny! Yes, inside the box are Senores Italy and Germany going at it! Well? Am I right?

Me: ...N-next up we h-have ghost-dark...

Peru: Oi._  
_

_1, have you even talked(and not by letter)to Mexico, Cuba, Dominican Republic, and your other 'brothers' in/near north america?_

Peru: First answer my question, RayRay.

Me: Um... n-no? =)

Peru: Then what could possibly be in there? A cloning machine? D:

Me: It's more likely than Italy and Germany making babies in a box. Now you answer the question.

Peru: Fine. Of course I speak to them. Can't just ignore my beloved cousins, after all.

Me: ...Really.

Peru: Except Jamaica. He's a bit of am oddball. The idiot said "_hello_" to me the other day, did you know that? Sometimes I wonder if he ever really was Spanish.

Me: When in doubt, blame Iggy! :D

Peru: Yes, I blame him too for Senor Falklands.

Me: [about to speak]

Peru: And What's-his-face. Um... Antigua and Barbuda or something?

Me: That one never _was_ Spanish, Huayna. =_=

Peru: I guess it would explain his stupidity.

Me: [to audience] Apologies to all Antiguans/Barbudans/both out there! Huayna's rude ^_^'

Peru: Screw you.

Me: See? :D

_2. Do you...let your llama in your home?_

Peru: Only after he wipes the stable muck off his hooves.

Me: _Ewwwwwww._

Peru: What? You get mud and random stuff on the bottom of your shoes too, you know.

Me: Well, yeah, but stable muck is... different.

Peru: =_=

Me: ...What?

Peru: Nothing.

Me: But then, what if he, um, does a [BEEP] in the house?

Peru: Capac is housebroken.

Me: Whoa, really? That's so cool! :D

Peru: It wouldn't have worked with regular animals. But Capac is like Senor Canada's Kuma-what's-his-name so it's okay.

Me: So then... he talks? D:

Peru: No, he just makes llama sounds. But he's pretty smart - smarter than you, I'll bet.

Me: Ha ha. -.-

_3. Remember Gran Colombia? =w= Wonder if they're still around(you know like Prussia, even though his country was abolished)_

Peru: Well, some of them are. There was Gran Colombia and Río de la Plata_, _and some useless ones you'd only hear about in South American history textbooks. Gran Colombia's still around, I think; New Granada was his brother, but he retired and we have no idea where he went; Río de la Plata never was to begin with, so he/she/it certainly isn't around today -

Me: Wait, what does that mean?

Peru: Well, that particular viceroyalty just wasn't around long enough for a personification to form. It was represented by Sis, Argentina and those two bumbling idiots Paraguay and Uruguay instead. But _then_, there's the even more short-lived Liga Federal who's still around today... living in Argentina's house... annoying the [BEEP] out of me every chance he gets...

Me: What, has he learned the Thousand Years of Death too?

Peru: More like a _million_ years of death.

Me: Ooh. I feel your pain.

Peru: I'd rather you not. It's very bad. And anyway, you're a girl, aren't you? If that hand slips it'll end up in y -

Me: The rating! The rating! D:

Peru: Oops.

Me: Um, a-anyway, when you put it that way, it seems like you sure are a lucky guy, Huayna! Out of all the viceroyalties, you're the only one still in action. Isn't that something! :D

Peru: Y-yeah, I guess. *bashful smile*

_4. Lastly, you sure you don't like Bolivia? ^w^_

Peru: *smile fades*

Me: :D

Peru: D:

Me: So! The moment of truth! Don't worry, Bolivia's not here today, you can tell us honestly! Do you or do you not like her?

Peru: _*_blushes*

Me: Come on, come on, tell...

Peru: _..._I...

Me: You...

Peru: ...d-do...

Me: You do? :D

Peru: ...not.

Me: Oh. *disappointed*

Peru: I mean, I do love her, but only as a younger sister. A-and I'm sure she feels the same way about me.

Me: But you two were married back in the 19th century! Didn't that, uh, spark anything between you guys?

Peru: No.

Me: Isn't twelve when boys start getting, uh...

Peru: [red-faced] N-no it is not! I swear, I haven't done a _single_ thing to her! O/_/O

Me: _Really..._

Peru: Yes. Really. But it did piss me off when Chile broke us apart, I'll admit at least that much. Only because Chile is Chile, though.

Me: But apart from that, you two still seem to be together a lot. More than regular siblings, even. Hmm...

Peru: [sweating] Are we done here? Can I go?

Me: Yes to the second question~! But you're not _allowed _to leave just yet! :D

Peru: D-darn you - !

Me: What do you think about Arica?

Peru: Huh?

Me: You know, Arica... that city Chile stole from you in the 1920s?

Peru: Oh. That. I-it's a nice place. *turns away*

Me: Are you sure you don't have feelings for, well -

Peru: No. Just because I'm hung up on the place doesn't mean I have a crush on it. Besides, Arica doesn't even have a personification.

Me: Yet~! Hey, come to think of it, Arica's sort of both Peruvian and Chilean. I wonder what that says about his/her parentage... *looks at Peru meaningfully*

Peru: That's it. I quit. Find someone else to humiliate for your goddamn letter fic.*storms off*

* * *

**The same can be said for Inquique and Pisagua. Ho, it'll be triplets then... **

**Many thanks to those who sent questions in! From here on, I'm going to do a few more letters, and when/if I collect enough questions I'll write up another episode. Goodnight everyone, and happy (non-existent for some) Victoria Day again! :D**


	52. Romano 6

**Whoa, I found an _omorashi_ Spamano fic! XD**

* * *

O_e I'M THE SOUTHERN HALF OF ITALY, YOU DOLT! OF COURSE I'M ITALIAN!

Che palle... Just know that if you ever see a blonde guy with longish hair, blue eyes, and a rose, RUN. He WILL try and rape you.

Wait, those two did that back when they were- ... Peru? Do you remember a little boy in a pink dress that always yelled at Spain?

REALLY hoping he's wrong about this,

Romano

* * *

O-oh. I see. Sorry...

But wait, you're the southern half of that other nice Senor who wrote to me? Ummmmm... d-does that make you his, er... no, never mind. D:

Oh, a _rose_. I thought you said "nose" when I first read it. Thank goodness, that would've made every single one of my blond citizens suspect. Very well, I'll keep in mind to run away from every blond-haired blue-eyed rose-carrying man I see. Thanks for the warning.

You mean that little thing that came with Spain last time he returned? Of course I remember. People who yell a lot tend to leave a deep impression. And besides, his voice was... interesting.

Wrong about what? D:

Peru

* * *

**I am still running away from my assignment. Stupid grad requirements T_T**


	53. Italy 16

**I~ made~ ginger~ snaps~ today~!**

**Peru: They~ taste~ like~ crap~! And look like it too.  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Huh? Did you forget everything after your surgery? I can help you remember if you want me to! You can come visit and I'll make you some pasta! That should help!

Get to feeling better!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Italy Veneziano,

I... had surgery? These people beside me said they just put me to sleep for a bit.

...I think I trust you more than I trust them. Okay, let's just say I had surgery.

What's pasta? It sounds really familiar though...

Would really appreciate the help,

Peru

* * *

**Oh. Victoria Day ended. D:**

**H-happy midnight everyone! :D**


	54. Panama 2

**You know, it's just occurred to me that up until now the word "amnesia" has not been in my letter-fic vocabulary. Well, it is now. Many thanks to Sutchi (whose name, by the way, I forgot to mention for Panama's first letter). Sorry 'bout that.**

* * *

Peru?

You don't remember me? To tell you again... I'm the isthmus of Panama! Boy, 12 years, brunette, green eyes, short...

Wait... someone's with you? Who?

French is the most disgusting language ever! It is that way because France made it! And France is a gay pervert that molests everything that moves... Don't talk to him while you still have amnesia. He might screw your mind forever.

Signed,

Little Panama.

P.S. "Spain" is practically our father. The nation that came over from Europe and colonized us? Wait, you have scars? That's Awesome! When you get your memory back, you have to tell me how you got them ok?

P.S.S. Hope you get better soon!

* * *

Oh! You're _that_ kid! Hi Panama! I can't believe I'd forgotten about you :0

I have no idea who these strange people are... one of them looks mildly annoying, and the other one reminds me of "Arica". Whatever that is. Anyway, I'm sure I'll remember soon...

France... sounds like Gran Colombia after a few (hundred) drinks. But how's he going to screw my mind when it's sitting safely in my head - OH GOD, MY EARS. E-excuse me while I get someone to find me a helmet...

Peru

P.S.: But I already _have_ a father... *wrinkles nose*

I'll tell you about my scars if I remember how they got there, sure. Holy crap, there's a lot...

P.P.S: Thanks! :D

* * *

**Methinks Peru prefers his old daddy to his new one...:P**

**Spain: No... T_T  
**


	55. Spain 12

**Happy 12:53am and no grad requirement assignment done! Go me =D**

* * *

Peru,

Oh, I see..well, I hope your memory comes back...

Si. Yo soy España. Uhm...are you remembering any of your Spanish?

Si. Chat soon.

Spain

P.S No idea

* * *

Hola Spain,

_Al parecer, todavía puedo hablar español, aunque he perdido mis recuerdos. _Better?

But why do you worry about that when these hospital people are - ow - poking me in - ow - weird places and shining this awful light in my face - AAAAAAAAARRRGH! "Follow the light", my foot! I've _had it_ with this infernal place! What the _hell_ do they think they're doing subjecting me to this kind of torture - O_O

I-it's Ecuador in disguise! He's trying to steal Loreto again! L-look, he's pulling on my hair! Darn it, where's my rifle when I need it? Ah - no - he's pulling the other one -

* * *

**Leave it to Peru to assault the nurse for trying to examine him -.-**

**No, it's not Ecuador. He's just being delusional. As for those hairs, he has a thin curl and a fatter one, representing Tumbes/Piura and Loreto, respectively. They're not erogenous, though if you pull them he'll probably yell a lot.**

**Oh yeah, and I hate Google translate. It's "even if" in there, not "but". I tried it with French and then with English but I guess it's one of those terms with multiple meanings.**


	56. Spain 13

**Have I finished my grad requirements _now_... Next question please. **

**Honestly, I am so screwed when tomorrow comes.**

* * *

Peru,

Ahh...si...I guess...I was just curious...

Uhm-your memory is more important-the so-called "Hospital people" are just trying to help you...

I hate hospitals too...so I feel your pain, but they're doing it for your own good-no matter how shadowded that maybe.

Wh-what? You can't shoot doctors or nurses! Es malo! Muy fricken malo!

Spain

* * *

Spain,

I haaaaaaaaaate hospital people! They stuck a friggin' needle in my arm and it huuuuuurts! How is this supposed to be helping? It's scaring the hell out of me instead! Darn it, the moment these evil people in white turn their backs, I am _out of here!_ How _dare_ they treat me like this - oh.

W-wait, I think I'm remembering something... It's, uh... what is it...? Right! It's -

O_O

*stares in disbelief*

Y-y-you... k-killed _Tayta?_ Th-the Incan E-Empire?

Really hoping this isn't true,

Peru

* * *

**_Tayta_ - "father"**


	57. Panama 3

**I think peru's starting to remember a little. Bits and pieces at a time, but he's remembering. That's good... right? D:**

**Peru: You're not my best friend... =_=  
**

* * *

Peru! You remember me! That's great! Have you gotten back your entire memory, or just the identities of a few of us?

You don't know who is with you? Something tells me Chile is over there... and I found out what actually happened to you! I heard that Bolivia hit you in the head, and that's why you got amnesia!

And something else tells me that the word you are looking for is "marica". That means gay in spanish. You used to use the word quite often when someone got you mad.

Yes. Go get a helmet, but you'll need a body guard just to make sure he doesn't enter the room. That guy is like a cockroach! We try everything to get rid of him but he always comes back with his pervertedness!

Dani\Panama

P.S. Really? Lot's of scars? ...Ouch.

P.S.S. Hey Peru! Me and Philippines are going to do a family reunion! And you, of course, are invited, but since you went to the hospital, and kind of forgot us all, I thought it would be better to say it now! All the other countries that where once governed by Spain will be invited, ok? Maybe you can get your memory faster if you see all your relatives

* * *

Hi Panama,

To be honest... you know those activity books that little kids have where you have to match the word to the right picture? It's kind of like that right now. Everything's there, I just can't match them up properly. But I just remembered that Spain killed my father! Yes! That **[we're sorry, but even the censor bar's not big enough to fit over the profanities he's spewing right now]**! D:

Bolivia? Who's that? You mean the "Arica" here beside me? She's peeling an apple for me, isn't that nice? But I wonder why she's so jittery all of a sudden after reading your letter...

As for France, don't worry. I have the bug spray and electric flyswatter ready. I _dare_ him to get past that.

Chile? But he's back in South America... isn't he? H-how'd the little twerp get here so fast? And how's "Arica" related to -

H-hold on. Correct me if I'm wrong, but there was a-a war in 1879, wasn't there? And then Chile...

...THAT FUCKER. When I see him again I'm going to **[sorry, but the actions he describes are too gruesome for a T-rated fic]**.

Peru

P.S.: If my hunch about that war is correct, then this scar on my neck came from when that sonofabitch invaded Lima and slit my throat while he was at it.

P.P.S: That sounds like a great idea! When is it? I'll try and get these stupid hospital people to let me out before then...

* * *

**Isn't it interesting how the bad memories come back first? D:**


	58. Costa Rica 1

**Here's pudgypanda456 as Costa Rica! Now, if only Peru could remember who exactly that is...  
**

* * *

Dear Peru,

What's up?

Right now...I'm in hiding shhh!

Remind me never to try to steal Columbia's coffee again! Oh dear...I think I hear a noise...anyways...Say hi to your llama gotta run~

With Love,

Costa Rica ^^

* * *

Hi Costa Rica,

I'm at a hospital in some unnamed part of Europe. There's a guy called France next door and these people with me refuse to let me out because of him. I can't really remember anything, for some strange reason. By the way, which one of my cousins are you again? (Sorry, I have amnesia.)

Who's Columbia? And why did you steal his coffee? D:

Good luck hiding,

Peru


	59. Romano 7

Yes, I'm his brother. And Feliciano's an idiot.

And that was me when I was still under tomato bastard's control. What do you mean by interesting?

It's nothing. I'm sorta tempted to hit you over the head again to possibly jog your memory...

Signed,

Romano

* * *

Oh, so there _are_ such things as more than one personification for each nation. Huh. That's interesting, I never -

...I just remembered something random. Chile and Argentina and some Italian kid Spain brought over (from what you're saying, that's you, apparently) were sleeping in the same bed as me and one of them wet himself. I don't think I ever figured out which one it was. It wasn't you, was it? -.-

Why were you sleeping with the rest of us, anyway? You were clinging so much to Spain during the day... D:

I don't know, I suppose by "interesting" I mean... not usual. It was very, uh... shrill and impudent. I haven't seen Spain take that kind of abuse and not smite them with his axe. He must really like you, then!

Wait, h-hit me over the head? That's familiar somehow... The person beside me is looking kind of nervous again, I wonder why?

Peru

* * *

**Guilty feelings are the best. XD**


	60. Italy 17

Ciao Huayna!

Si! You did!...oh..but I guess I shouldn't have told you that! I'm sorry!

Huh? You don't remember pasta? I'll bring some to you! Then you can remember it!

Ok! I'll help!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Italy Veneziano,

Apparently you're Senor Romano's brother! And an idiot! He just told me that...

That's okay, I think finding out what happened to me helps me recover my memories. For instance, wasn't that you who dragged your battles all the way to my land back when you were fighting for independence? **(A/N: No, that was Argentina. =_=) **Oh yeah, and when I was fighting for Loreto you secretly sold armaments to that jerk Ecuador. **(Still Argentina.)** And you have a field of poppies at your place called Flanders or something, right? **(That's England... what the hell?)**

Is the pasta something alive and furry? If so, the hospital people might not let you bring it in. But okay, I'll wait and see what it is!

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Somehow, reading about South American history suddenly got really fun. **


	61. Mexico 4

Holaaaaaaaaa Perú

I figured out something, my family does not hate me ne~ That is fantastic ne~.

Panamita told you about the party that we will have ne~. It will be awesome.I will make a piñata that everyone will enjoy breaking. ne~.

It will be in Venezuela's house if we can convince him. If not in my house. What do you think ne~.

The way to identify France is,he uses ropas de diseñador ne~, he is blond with hair till his shoulders I think,he has beard, he speaks in French, he has roses everywhere,and also he will flirt with everyone, nurses doctors.ç

If you smell like flowers you are in more danger. That is the reason that he wanted to make his wife, yeah wife... even if I am male; but logic does not apply that bastard ne~.

Ask to the doctors what the hell are doing, you have right to know.

Recuperate

México.

P.D: HAHAHAHAHA Argentina gordo ne~ I sent you a history book,it took me awhile to find one with the history of all of us.

* * *

Hola México,

That's wonderful! They're your family; why would they hate you, right? :D

Well, in that case, I think I should contribute something to the party too. I'll, um... cook, I guess. Chile always did say I make good food. And I have nothing against you or Venezuela, so that would be a good choice of venue. Make sure no one else does either, though...

Yes, I know who France is now, and suddenly the shrieks from next door are making a lot more sense... But I'm smelling flowers right now! It's coming from the bouquet someone left me. Is that bad? He's not going to jump out of the orchids and assault me, is he? D:

I tried asking the doctors, but all they said was a bunch of random medical-sounding jargon with a "Just trust me" tacked onto the end. I don't like doctors anymore.

By the way, here's a rifle you can use to shoot the blond jerk north of you. I bought it from Finland.

Thanks for the history book! Some of this stuff is really helping to jog my memory :D

Peru

* * *

**I'm reading kink memes on Livejournal. Apparently there's one where Finland tops Russia. (Oh my.)**


	62. Romano 8

Of course not! What kinda idiotic question is that! It was probably Chile.

Hell if I know. Spain wanted me to "bond" with you three. He's a fucking idiot...

H-huh? L-LIKE ME? D-don't say stupid things; I was just a little kid, so of course he wouldn't do that! Che palle... What's with everyone...

That's because she's most likely the one who hit you.

Signed,

Romano

* * *

Um, okay then. Huh, I _knew_ it would be him. If only he would stop lying and just admit it.

Bonding, eh... I'm pretty sure he was talking to some nice girl beforehand, though. Darn him, I _told _him to keep his filthy perverted paws off my people!

I wonder if Spain is one of those married two-timers I've been watching soap operas about all week.

Of course he would like you! But I don't remember why.

Oh, is that so... Hey, she just left. I guess you hit the nail right on the head.

Peru

* * *

**8 HOURS LEFT AND NO GRAD STUFF DONE YET! Why do I fail... T_T**

**Peru: No, no, you need to ask, "Why _did_ I fail" at this time tomorrow. That's the way to go.  
**


	63. Puerto Rico 4

Peru,

How's your memory? Is it getting better?

...Do you want me to deal with Argentina, or Estados Unidos first? I can do both. I've been practicing my swings. My batting is getting better!

And when I said 'bat' I meant a baseball bat. Think of it as long, wide stick that could be a possible murder weapon.

No worries, I not(or can't)kill those two idiots...

Well, no, I don't...

Francia is a major perv who has tried to take...erm...vital regions...from any woman(or man)he comes across. He'll screw anything with legs.

DO. NOT. GO. NEAR. HIM.

It's Capac. I'm sure.

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

* * *

Hola Enrique,

I'm starting to remember some stuff, but it's in bits and pieces. Honestly, though, I didn't think my life was full of such... miseries. Especially those caused by a certain bed-wetting bastard south of me. (I'm going to sneak a video camera into his room to see if he still does it.) Meh, sometimes I wonder if remembering is such a good thing after all.

Ohohoho, I would LOVE it if you went and gave Argentina the Thousand Years of Death! An eye for an eye... and as for the blond jerk, you can aim for his vital regions. From what I'm hearing, he deserves it.

You're lucky you don't have any. For some reason, people keep thinking they can make me feel, um, 'inappropriate' by twiddling my hair. What's up with that?

Fr-France... sounds scary. Anything with legs? T-tables... chairs... cupboards... tr - triangles? O_O

Yeah, now I'm definitely staying away from him.

Well, okay, if you say so...

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Finally, I finished my grad requirements! Now to present it... in less than an hour... D: *nervous***

**And yes, the sides of a right triangle are sometimes called "legs". Trust a nerdy IB student to know that. -.-  
**


	64. Romano 9

**Wahahaha, yes, Peru is cute, but he bit me ;_;**

* * *

Oh yeah, I remember that. I kicked him in the back of his knees then ran and hid behind- One of you... Who was most likely to hide me back then?

Spain's not married. And it might be because he's a fucking pedophile.

Signed,

Romano

* * *

I don't remember who you hid behind, but if it helps, Chile and Argentina were both shorter than you back then.

...But wait, so was I.

He's not married, you say? Well, something makes me want to tease you about that, but for the life of me I can't remember why, so I won't do it. But I don't think he was as much of a pedophile as you say, because I don't recall any instances of him molesting anyone...

Peru

* * *

**Yosh, time to go and pwn that grad requirements presentation! **


	65. Spain 14

**Yes! Grad requirements presentation done! Woot! I procrastinated until the very end :D**

**It was interesting though... "In the next 2 years, I wanna work on my procrastination." Friend: "O_o" Me: "I-I mean, work on fixing my procrastination problem! Ahahaha..."**

* * *

Peru,

I do too-they really do suck- but as masked as it may seem, they really are trying to help you. So please stay until you've been formally released.

...U-uhm...

Spain

* * *

Spain,

Well, whatever. It's not like moping about it's going to bring him back anyway. *pouts*

But don't go killing my relatives again, okay? Unless it's Chile. *keeps pouting*

By the way, Senor Romano called you a pedophile. Is that true?

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Chile's motto (the translation, anyway) is "By reason or by force". Suddenly everything makes a lot more sense. D:**


	66. Mexico 5

Perú

I am happy that the history book and map had been helpful for your memory.

Oh yeah you will like this one ne~, more like, you will like breaking this one... It is a piñata of "that thing that I have as a neighbor. It is really a feat to have him as that.

Calm down, you have to actually smell like flowers without perfume, so because my odor is like flowers naturally; well I had been one of his targets.

In reality, I want Venezuela's house to be chosen, because many people even if they do not hate me; they like to annoy me and destroying my garden will be a great opportunity.

But I am more useful at recovering your memories than them.

Oh Finland, we usually gather around of November because he is Santa Finland, and I am Baltazar Mexico, one of the three mage kings of Sixth of December.

I can not do that, you see my economy, unfortunately depends of him; so I have my hands tied.

You are welcome ne~

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico,

I've been flipping through the history book and I want to ask: what was the Alamo all about?

Don't worry, France hasn't broken in yet... At least, I don't think so.

And yes! A blond jerk piñata! I'm sure everyone is going to love that :D

Well, that's not very nice of them... but Venezuela...wait, is he the one with the Amazon River or the one with the stilt houses?

AH, Christmas... I wish it would come soon. But not too soon, because Argentina keeps stealing the cake and bothering the others. I should refuse to cook this year and see how he copes.

Bah... blond jerk.

Peru

* * *

**America: What do you mean, 'blond jerk'? It's America! A-me-ri-ca! Remember my name next time!**

**Peru: Okay, blond jerk.**

**Argentina: Wait, are you talking to him or to me?**


	67. Panama 4

**I found a direct reference to Panama on Wikipedia! "In the years between 1524 and 1526 smallpox, introduced from Panama and preceding the Spanish conquerors swept through the Inca Empire."**

**Wahahahahahaha! :D**

* * *

Peru!

Since that's how your mind is working, then the reunion will do you good! You'll remember everything in no time!

... 0.o

... Good thing the censor bar was on. Calm yourself, ok? And are you completely sure that Spain did that? It wouldn't surprise me if he did, though. Even though I don't like to swear that much, I guess I'll agree with you on what you think of Spain. I don't trust him at all.

Maybe Bolivia is fidgety because she's guilty of charge!

And about France, he'll do it, trust me on this. That "thing" was the one who decided to start building my canal, and unfortunately, I had to live with him for a while. He'll go threw that door any minute, just you wait...

I am not an expert in your history, Peru. So I can't tell you.

...

Then again, thank God for the censor bar!

Peru, who taught you all of those words? I can't read them because of the censor bar, but I'm very curious where you learnt them. We're the same age, and you still know how to make yourself look older...

Firmado,

Dani\ Panama

P.S. 0.o Another reason why I don't like wars...

P.S.S. Me and Philippines have to decide about the date, but I'll tell you when we have everything arranged!

* * *

Hola Panama,

Thank goodness! I was beginning to wonder if I was screwed for the rest of my life.

Thinking about Spain is depressing. By the way, has he ever touched you inappropriately? (Trying to see if he really _is_ a pedophile.)

You're right. I'll ask her - wait, where'd she go?

You know, I still don't quite remember how Bolivia's related to me. D:

You had to accommodate France? That must've sucked. And don't worry, I'm ready. I have a vase I can throw at him too, on top of the bug zapper and bug spray.

Thank Google. Apparently I _did_ have a war then. And Bolivia dragged me into it. Tsk, I ally with her and this is how she repays me? -.-

Well, grown-ups swear surprisingly often when they think no one else is around. Over the years it just... sort of... builds up. And I certainly have a lot of years behind me. This other person beside me is saying 480 but I... actually, that sounds plausible.

And so, if you want to look more mature, act responsibly and swear a lot. That's all the advice I can give.

Peru

P.S.: I hope you never get yourself involved in one. Let's just say, there's no censorship in war... if you know what I mean.

P.P.S: Sure thing!

* * *

**Now I'm tempted to write a Chile x Peru Lima Campaign rape scene o.o**


	68. Mexico 6

Hola Perú

You know when Feli came to my house for tomatoes, some of them. He told me that you considered me evil. Just I make it straight to you no one of my personalities are evil... New Spain is an ass that had to deal with all the bullshit that Spain made us go through, not that I hate him... I kinda forgiven him.

If you are talking about all the Chiapas/hat/state thing. Let's just say that Chiapas wanted to stay with me and not with Guatemala, and well I was a bit susceptible. Because

New Spain: THAT FUCKING AMERICAN BASTARD, THAT FUCKING TRAITOR.

Okay New Spain you made your point across, and well I was kind of an ass, I think that Guatemala only wants his hat back, he always says give me my hat back

And I answer Chiapas

And he says MY HAT

Wow

Well that was all, just making it straight

México

David

* * *

Hola David,

That's quite alright. I suppose none of us is really "evil", per se, just... badly influenced. Though, I can't remember saying anything like that... I'm sure I'll remember soon, though.

Don't worry, sometimes I get a little different too. I have yet to go Inca on Spain though. But I kind of wish I could. Be nice to Guatemala though, you guys are neighbors, right?

No problem,

Peru

* * *

**And the nagging starts again! I just finished my grad stuff, and now it's blah blah blah, get a job, blah blah, blah! Ugh.**


	69. Romano 10

**I-i-i-i-it's a wh-_what?_ O_O**

* * *

... That doesn't help at all. Maybe it was some random by stander or something...

He likes kids far far too much to not be a pedophile. Plus, he was always hugging me and crap! Cheh... Idiot still does that...

* * *

It's possible. Maybe it was that stupid smelly viceroy. I don't remember his name but he was really ugly. ...Yeah, I just described all of them, so never mind.

But maybe it's not _kids_ he likes, it's YOU! :D

And he still does. Isn't that nice~?

I don't remember him ever touching me in weird places, though. Thank goodness.

* * *

**Ho. Peru's back. Still missing a chunk of his memories, but he's _back._ **

**Darn it... I'm searching up anime conventions. The local one got canceled. So I started making plans to fly to Edmonton in August with a few friends. But so far no one can join me, and on top of that my (ugly as a viceroy) friend just told me they're holding the local convention after all. It's probably going to SUCK. **

**...I kind of hate that friend right now. *sulks***


	70. Italy 18

**No problemo! Good luck with your schoolwork! ^_^**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Si! I'm his fratellino! Oh, don't feel bad about him calling me a idiot! He tells me that all the time!

No, it wasn't me! I was the one talking to you about Walmart! That's one of America's stores and you really didn't like it! But what do you mean by a poppy field called Flanders? Isn't that at England's place?

No, it's not! Pasta is food! It's veramente buono! I'm sure you'll like it again!

Hope you get your memoires back soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Something-that-begins-with-an-F, if I recall correctly,

That's not good. If someone calls you an idiot you need to FIGHT BACK! Whup them in the vital regions and kick them down the stairs! That's the way to go!

Walllllllllmart... Nope, I don't remember. But look, all those little L's look like walls! :D

Oh. Is it? Who's England again? It's the blond jerk's daddy, right?

Food would be great! Especially considering what they've been feeding me here. Blech. Sometimes I wonder if it's that England person who's doing all the cooking here.

:O

Oh.

They should let me get in that kitchen! I'm sure I would remember more if I was cooking...

Peru

* * *

**"Whup them in the vital regions and kick them down the stairs!" Which kind of explains why he and Chile are so violent to each other... **

**Well, time to start working on my other fics too. And my French proficiency test results are out! I'm scared O_O**


	71. Spain 15

Peru,

...Y-yeah...

I wasn't planning on it...

WHAT? Ughh...little brat. I am most certainly NOT a pedophile! Why the hell are you two talking about that anyway?

Spain

* * *

Spain,

No, really. You can have Chile. And I can help myself to his land. Not that the Atacama's worth much anyway, mind you.

Let's clarify this again, what exactly _is_ your relationship to me? And by the way, I suddenly noticed how much Chile looks like you nowadays...

But you do molest little kids, don't you? That's what Senor Romano told me.

Don't call me a "little brat" or I'll kick Chile down the stairs and pretend it's you...

Peru

* * *

**Yes! Go, Chile-hating! XD**

**By the way, my own thoughts on Chile are neutral. I-it's just Peru.**


	72. Talk show episode 4

**I stayed up really late yesterday to finish my grad assignment... now I'm sleepy. x.x**

* * *

Me: *opens mouth to speak*

Peru: No. Shut up. let's just get going.

Me: But we have to do the intro! It's convention! D:

Peru: I don't care. They already know anyway that this is a talk show I'm coerced into participating in and answering questions, blah blah blah. They know who you are and who I am. Now let's move on.

Me: Yay, you did an intro anyways! :D

Peru: ...

Me: Well, today we have Mizuki-Ariaki and Mexico! I - I really shouldn't make you put on that cheerful front anymore, should I? -.-

Peru: [BEEP] you.

Me: Haha, um... anyway...

_México: AUCH THAT HURTS, WHAT THE HELL I HAVE DONE TO DESERVE THIS_

_ México: (changes to New Spain) OF COURSE, I HAVE NOT HAD FUN SINCE A LONG..._

_ México: New Spain shut up..._

_ Okay you had done what Romano wanted to..._

Peru: If it's still hurting, I'll take you out to dinner later. My treat, for once.

Me: Huayna, are you a freeloader? D:

Peru: Getting freebies from others is a graceful art which requires skill and -

Me: I'll take that as a yes...

_ First I heard that los Bolivianos, complain about not having a coast, it is that true_

Peru: I'm sending you a beautiful picture to complement my answer. It's - stunning. Wonderful. Simply... a masterpiece. Here: http: / / en. wikipedia. org/ wiki/ File: BoliviaChile. jpg

Me: Remember to remove the spaces! But, why is the Bolivian soldier white? D:

Peru: [ignoring] You won't believe how much Sis complains about her lack of coastline. It was lost during the War of the Pacific and afterwards... well, things just weren't the same again. There were these nasty natural gas riots back in 2003, and people complain about not having a coast all the time. In fact they have a holiday to commemorate their loss. It's called _Dia del Mar_.

Me: And I take it Chile gets the blame?

Peru: You'd have to be really really _really_ stupid not to.

Me: What's that supposed to mean? *pouts*

Peru: Hey, I gave you a compliment. You're only really really stupid.

Me: Gee, thanks. =_=

_Second: How powerful you were as the Vice royalty of Perú._

Peru: Hahahaha... I whupped Spain's ass in the end, didn't I?

Me: Um -.-

Peru: What?

Me: You had help though... From Argentina... and Ch-

Peru: Did not.

Me: How can you say that with a straight face? He helped you out! You can't just deny it!

Peru: Some random stranger gave me armaments and soldiers. I must remember to send them a thank-you card later.

Me: ...

Peru: So, yeah. I was really really cool and strong back then.

Me: You were not. You were the last one to become independent from Spain. And it took all the way until 1879 for him to officially recognize you as so. Meanwhile, Even Bolivia got her independence in _1847_. I think that just proves you were a bit of a soft sissy back then.

Bolivia: What in [BEEP] do you mean by "even"? *death glare*

Me: Oops! I-I, er...

Peru: Idiot.

Me: A-and on top of that, you started out as nearly the whole of South America west of Portugal's territory and just kept dwindling from there on! Doesn't that prove anything?

Peru: I wasn't the whole thing, I was just one of the _audencias_. =_=

Me: Then within Peru we have... Peru? D:

Peru: Sure, why not? Mexico has his Mexico City, Quebec has Quebec City..._  
_

_Third: There is a reunion of the ones ruled by Spain in Mexico's house if Panama can not convince Venezuela, you are invited. It was planned by Philippines and Panama_

Peru: Duly noted. I'll be there as soon as my canonical self gets discharged from the hospital.

Me: Your... what? D:

Peru: You know, the one writing letters and whatnot.

Me: But you... have more than one self? ...Huayna, are you schizophrenic?

Peru: Sure. I keep hearing a little voice inside my head telling me to wrap my hands around your neck and squeeze really really hard. =D

Me: Oh help, he's turning into Russia... T_T

_Fourth: CAN YOU ASK THE ... WHO WANTED TO SHOOT ME WHAT THE HELL IS HIS ... PROBLEM! (Mexico tipes angrily)_

Peru: I don't know. I could write myself a reminder to ask Senor Romano...

Me: You should! :D

Peru: ...but I really don't want to get caught in a conflict between them...

Me: You won't! :D

Peru: ...so I'll just let this matter sit for a while before doing anything.

Me: You can't! D:

Peru: Fine. I'll ask him for you, Mexico.

Me: Yay! :D

_Hey off of my computer now _((Mizuki-Ariaki speaking))_  
_

_Fifth: Follow my advice lad, oh hell I am talking like England... Focus, Woman are scary beings that you can not hit so do not make them mad_

_OFF OF MY COMPUTER_

Peru: I want this annoying Hetalia fan to yell that at me for once, because then I'd turn to her and say, "Gladly. See you never~." And just walk out of there and go back home.

Me: But you don't have a home outside of-

Peru: Oh right. I'll just hide out in some deep recess of your mind then. Come call me when you finally kick the bucket.

Me: D:

Peru: Women, huh. I know what you mean. That blow to the head really hurt. But I hit her all the time! Just... really light... 'taps' on the head though. I've never really punched her or anything...

Me: You're a wife beater! D:

Peru: What? No, she's not-

Me: I can't believe it! I thought you were such an innocent kid!

Peru: I-

Me: I'm telling on you to Spain!

Peru: -.-

Me: Really, I will! See, I'm going riiiiiiight nooooooow! *stands up very slowly* And now I'm leeeeeeeeaviiiiinnngggg~

Peru: *watches with no change in expression*

Me: Ugh, what's the point. *sits back down*

Peur: And so, that's all for today. Thanks for joining us. And thanks for spelling my name as "Peur", stupid Hetalia fan.

Me: It means "fear" in French! :D

Peru: Again with the French...

_[lights fade_]

* * *

**Sleepy... so sleepy... but I have to make dinner...**_  
_


	73. Romano 11

**Okay, so at this stage I guess Peru's memory is all there... but in a great big disorganized heap. **

* * *

Wow, you and your familyu are really loving to each other, aren't you?

No, it's not nice! Cause sometimes he tries to k-kiss me and I don't want him to, dammit! A-and of course he doesn't like me! I'm just another former colony to him, I'll bet. Damn bastard...

Probably waited till you were asleep.

* * *

Huh? N-not really... Argentina kept doing inappropriate things to the others and Chile was (is) a goddamn control freak...

O_o

He... tries to... _what?_ Um, I-I don't think that's normal at all. He's never tried to kiss any of us, not as far as I can remember... but then again, we were probably asleep at the time, like you say.

But seriously, if he's doing that to you while you're awake, doesn't that make you, uh, special in some way?

_Matrimonio..._ *smirks*

* * *

**By the way, congratulations on finishing with school this year! I mean this school year :D**


	74. Spain 16

Peru,

No.

I'm technically su padre...Chile only has the curly brunette hair-and that's bout it...we don't look, really, anything alike...in my opinion at least.

...urghh...I. . Molest children! That's France for Christ's sake! Romano freaking exagerates.

I wasn't calling you a "little brat" I called Romano a brat...dios mios...what's with the attitude all of a sudden? It's not like you.

* * *

Spain,

You're no fun. :(

But you're not Quechua. H-how on earth...? Never mind. x.x

Maybe you're right. Still, you two remind me of each other.

Apparently we're having a family reunion soon. Are you coming?

I KNOW France molests children! That girl beside me went away and still hasn't returned. And I keep hearing noises from next door! You... you don't suppose he's doing anything weird to her, do you? Even though she doesn't count as a child anymore, not since she-

OAO

Holy [BEEP]. What the hell's been going on the last few days? What's the annoying Hetalia fan doing here? And where's Bolivia? D:

Hey, I think I got my memories back! M-most, anyway. Oh my god, I better go save her!

Peru

P.S.: But Senor Romano is all grown up now. It's not nice to call him a brat.

P.P.S: Just as Mexico has his darker New Spain personality...

* * *

**Aaaaaand, Peru's amnesia is gone. Thinking of Bolivia's, uh, upper vital region did the trick. And so everything is brought full circle, because he was making a remark about her bra size when she hit him :D**

**(Refer to dogsrule's letter fic for the original letter that started it all. I think it's Mass Update 60-something.)**


	75. Italy 19

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, are you trying to say "Feliciano"?

Huh? Why would I do that to fratello?

Oh, ok! You were really mad about it! And I don't know if he's America's dad! Actually I think that they like each other!

OK! I'll bring the pasta! And maybe we can ask them to let you cook to see if it will help you get your memory back!

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano! Yes, I was trying to say "Feliciano"! But look, I finally remembered everything! And it was all thanks to - well, to France, of all people -.-

A-and Spain too, I guess.

Because when older brothers badmouth younger ones, it's the younger one's job to make them take it back. Chile insisted that I treat him as the older one, so... have fun, Chile.

About Walmart? Oh yeah, I remember... that no-good American [BEEP] trying to invade my country. Grrrr!

They like each other, now do they? Huh. But England raised America... O_O The annoying Hetalia fan is yelling "Wife Husbandry!" for some reason.

I've remembered everything now, but since you went through the trouble of making me pasta and all... w-well, it's n-not good to waste a friend's efforts, right? I'll be sure to make you ceviche in return when I head home :D

Peru

* * *

**And Peru is officially out of Amnesia Stage! Hooray! :D**

**Oh yeah, and Wife Husbandry is when someone raises a younger person who later falls in love with and marries the older person. *coughSpamanocough***


	76. Spain 17

Peru,

That's me.

Whatever you say~

Ahh-I forgot about that...if I feel up to it...it all depends...

Peru? Ah, you're memory's back~! How good~!

Eh? Go save who?

Spain

P.S. So? He still acts like a child half the time...

P.S. 'Scuse me?

* * *

Spain,

*grumbles something incoherent*

If you're coming, wear something extra under your pants, if you catch my drift. Liga Federal's been going around kicking people in the vital regions... Again.

Yes, isn't it grand? I think I forgot to turn off the stove back at home. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope Ecuador went to check on my house...

Save Bolivia! She's been missing for a while now! I have to check in France's room but it's scary! I don't wanna get molested x.x

Here I go. if I don't come back soon, I've been ensnared in his evil clutches and you'll have to call the police.

Wish me luck,

Peru

P.S.: But it's important to retain that childishness sometimes. By the way, my birthday's coming up in two months and three days! Do I get a present this year? I've been good (or at least very piteous) :D

P.P.S: You know how Mexico gets touchy sometimes? It's not just him.

* * *

**Now, imagine Russia and America instead of Kaito and Kiyoteru: http: / / www. youtube. com/ watch? v=co5zbtRpcg8&feature= feedlik**

**And look, Kaito even has the scarf and coat thing going on! And Kiyoteru has square glasses! Further proof that certain Hetalia characters were so made for each other, they've expanded into other series/media :D**


	77. Romano 12

It's a little thing called sarcasm. Ever heard of it?

N-not really... Bastard's always cooing over Feli or some crap like that.

... Do you WANT me to shoot you?

* * *

Ah, sarcasm, my old nemesis. I use it a lot and yet it always evades me. Kind of like my father's memory.

...Not Spain. The one before.

But maybe he's just trying to make you jealous? And besides, I'm sure he thinks of you and Senor Feliciano differently~

I'll pass. I've taken bullets all over the place so I suppose I shouldn't care, but I don't really wanna stay next to France anymore...

By the way, Mexico wants to know why you don't like him!

Peru

* * *

**Ah, Vocaloids. And why do I suddenly feel like i'm doing one of those Mangaka's Random Ramblings thing at the start of each volume of manga? D:**


	78. Mexico 7

Hola Perú

That is something that I have not talked about in a long time, you see in the past when I was naive and kind and not my paranoid somewhat jerk self.

I actually got along with United States, I admired him and all that crap, well because I was a recently independent country, and Spain left me bankrupt. I was trying to make bonds with another countries. That started my demise, specially with two France and "THAT". ne~

So because I needed people to live in the part of Tejas, Nuevo México y Alta California. We came to an agreement that I will let him have colonies in all there.

England told me "You should not do that lad" but me being my trusty self said that he was paranoid, that he could not be that bad ne~ England still rubs it in my face when I actually am in the mood of letting him get away with that.

All was peaceful until Santa Anna... THAT MOTHERFUCKER... sorry and James K. Polk, ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER.

The people living in Texas did not want a centralist government, and I agreed with them, but they could have been more patient, the revolt in the southern part was about to rise But noooooooooo ne~ they had to revolt, and James K. Polk had the great idea of expanding "That" territory until the Pacific Ocean. And who was on the way... oh yeah ME.

At first he wanted to buy them, but I refused, he even wanted to buy Sonora, Chihuahua, Coahuila and all my northern states, I with Santa Anna said LIKE HELL.

Well yadda yadda, making the story short. The battle of the Alamo was the one which was supposed to stop the revolt in Texas. I won, frankly I thought that we should take care over other things that stopping an impatient brat who was revolting, like GETTING OUT OF BANKRUPTCY. But Santa Anna listened to me . HE was so full of himself that I was actually a maid or an assistant.

So I won, BUT THAT BASTARD CALLED SANTA ANNA LETS HIMSELF TO BE CAPTURED AND IN EXCHANGE OF HIS FREEDOM HE OFFERED TO RECOGNIZE THE INDEPENDENCE OF TEXAS; I was so angry, not even at that blond jerk or at Texas; IT WAS AT SANTA ANNA. I practically fainted in battle so in the fucking moment that he gets captured, he made all my efforts useless.

That is what happened... Maldito seas Santa Anna.

Calm, calm, calm

Of course, umm Venezuela, is the one who his president is called Chavez, hates "THAT", does not talk to Colombia, has a great ego, north of Brazil, east of Colombia.

I like Christmas, it is a time that my happiness overshadows my sadness at life.

Blond jerk.

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico,

That sounds like a really strenuous time for you! Yeah, I can understand how you feel about Santa Anna. I got into a territorial dispute with Ecuador that lasted until the 1990s, though my regions didn't have personifications (and still don't, yet) so I wouldn't know what it was like to have your territories captured like that. Well, thank you for telling me; I've always wondered about what that was all about.

And yes, I agree that Polk is a [BEEP]. This annoying Hetalia fan sitting beside me keeps jeering because he tried to take Senor Canada's British Columbia away too. Those darn... blond-jerk people. Can you imagine how ugly Senor Canada's territory would've looked then?

I've recovered my memory! It's terrific! Many thanks for all of you putting up with me while I was, er, incapacitated.

Don't be depressed... as a country with a long and rich history, you should view yourself with pride (but not too much) and hold your head high! Remember, you've lived longer than all those other idiots, so they have no right to boss you around. And, having said that, I'm going to kick Chile off the summit of Macchu Picchu when I get home. It's a long way down...

Peru

* * *

Perú

Well actually, it is more like your relationship with Chile, we say that we hate each other but for some reason we still care about the other ne~

México

* * *

B-but, Mexico,

W-we _don't_ c-care about each other... Ŏ/_/Ò

Peru who does not like Chile at all

* * *

**Peru, you liar. XD**


	79. Panama 5

**Have no fear! Everyone's worst nightmare is here! :D**

**Apologies to Dartboi from whom I've pinched France for the next little spiel. Whoops, I just gave away a spoiler...**

* * *

Peru!

Don't worry! Most cases of Amnesia are temporary, so you'll be okay in no time!

... did you just ask me if Spain has done anything inappropriate to me? 0.o

Well, he did stay a lot of time in my house back when he was governing us, to supervise all the things he took from everyone ( I was pretty much the shipping point where all the riches passed through,before they went back to Spain's house) And I was very small back then... One thing I remember though, is that he wouldn't stop hugging me! -.- And he wouldn't stop calling me nicknames like butterfly, fishie, or orchid! ( don't ask why).

I guess he really adores little kids. Being classified as a pedophile could be over exaggerated. Plus, he was only a little affectionate. Anyways~ he has Romano with him right? I guess they like spending time together. They must really be good friends! ^^

Did he do anything inappropriate to you? 0.o

Bolivia. Heh... te dije que era culpable!

And don't remind me of France, ok? Spain didn't try to do anything inappropriate to me, but France did try... Let's say my sister gave him a free ticket to hug the floor, courtesy of her guitar of course. France... I hate him -_-. Good luck keeping him away! ^^

I think the saying, All's fair in love and war, goes with your situation with her.

Thanks for the advice! I'll try to see how that goes around! ^^

Dani \ Panama

P.S. I-I guess I know what you meant by it... 0.o I don't wan't to go to war... I've had discussions, but never war... I don't want to find out about it...

* * *

Hola Dani,

I sure am lucky they are! In fact, I'm all back to normal now, except for these bandages and that IV needle still stuck in my arm...

W-well, Japan told me there's something known as a "shotacon", which is when someone goes after little boys. Hmm, where have we seen this before? =)

I've been talking to Senor Romano about that, but he just keeps denying it. Come, we shall join forces and persuade him otherwise! XD

Does he still do weird things to you though? Spain, I mean. He never did anything to me (probably didn't _dare_ to, not with that yandere face I was greeting him with in the beginning) but he glomped Chile a lot. I'm n-not jealous or anything. Nope. *scowls*

Ah, Bolivia. Sometimes that girl really makes me worry. Speaking of which, I have to go look for her; she disappeared and I'm worried that France might've gotten her. I'll be right back...

**(lol, and he never does.)**

_Salut mon petit Dani! Nii-san hasn't seen you in a while! So, how're you? Are you legal yet? Oops, forget that last part. Your cousin sure is hot - I-I mean, hot-_headed_! Yes! He put up quite a fight when I tried to hump - er, I mean _hug_ him_. _Well, I'd love to stick around and chat, but there're, uh, _matters_ I must attend to. À bientôt~!_

_Bisous, _

_France_

* * *

**I think my brain just died a little bit from writing that. O_o**

**Well, there goes the rating.**

**By the way, I think France is hospitalized because he got hit on the head (how coincidental...). That came from dogsrule's letter fic as Italy. I can't hold on to him for long or else the fic plots will be completely ripped in two, which might get kind of confusing. So, from now until Spain saves the day, enjoy me writing as that sick perverted beardo. Fun. =_=  
**


	80. Spain 18

**So, yeah, Peru's campaign didn't work after all, and now he's trapped with France. Meanwhile, Bolivia is still nowhere to be found...**

* * *

Peru,

Oh stop your grumbling. Goodness gracious.

...That's not weird at all-but whatever. I don't think I'll be joining you all though-I have too many problems at home right now-I'm really, really sorry.

EH? Well what are you talking to me for? Ah, if France gets to you I'll come and rescue your sorry ass...he has a petrifying fear of my axe...

Spain

P.S. I suppose so-and why wouldn't you?

P.S.S. Y-yeah?

* * *

_Salut Espagne! Ici ton ami favori, France! :D_

_Greetings from the hospital! By the way, is that your little Pérou next door? He sure has grown up into a fine young man~! Ah, seeing his pretty little face sets the flames of my passion alight! Such exquisitely smooth skin he has! Such soft hair! And he looks so peaceful lying unconscious next to me~~~_

_By the way, I wonder what'll happen if I touch his curls. Ohonhonhonhon... *rape face*_

_Bisous,_

_France_

* * *

**._.**

***grabs brain-bleach***_  
_


	81. Romano 13

Yeah, I figured as much.

Idiot doesn't have enough brain capacity to think of something that elaborate. A-and why would I be jealous, anyway, dammit!

Good call.

And he seriously has to ask? Maybe it has a little something to do with the fact that he hates my guts for whatever reason? Just a thought.

* * *

_Bonjour, garçon mignon! Comment ça va~? Mon dieu, I never knew you were keeping in contact with that cute little Pérou! Ohonhonhonhon... But, you're cute too, mon cher! I know! Let's you and me find some quiet place and get to better know each other!~_

_Zut, he's stirring! But ne t'inquiète pas, Romano, I'll be back very soon~!  
_

_Beaucoup, beaucoup,_ beaucoup_ de bisous et d'autres choses,  
_

_France_

* * *

***stuffs entire head in brain-bleach***


	82. Spain 19

***buys more brain bleach in anticipation of what's going to happen***

* * *

F-Francis?

What the hell? N-no it's not Peru-you're hallucinating! What sorta drugs do they have you on that you're imagining stuff like that-ahaha...

...Good GOD you're such a creeper!

Here's a thought, Francis, howz a bout I come and visit ya? Yeah, that sounds good-then we can call Gilbert and create all sorts of havoc-but the only way that's happening is if you keep your hands to yourself. Kay?

Antonio

* * *

_Cher Antoine~_

_Are you sure? It looks so much like him though. See, he's even mumbling those little "-mi"s and "-si"s of his as he wakes up! They did put me on some anesthetic for a while, but not anymore, and besides, how can I be hallucinating when ton petit Pérou is right here? Haha, his cute little butt feels so nice~_

_I most certainly am not a creeper! I just love everyone a lot! Kids included... ah, Pérou, your sweet little moans are like music to my ears! It makes me want - oops, I mean love - you all the more! Heh heh heh..._

_Oh, but Antoine, visiting hours are over, and besides, playing with Pérou is so much fun~! Oh là là, his nipples are so~~~~ cute! And... sensitive..._

_Bisous,_

_François  
_

* * *

***sticks head in front of pressure-washer filled with brain bleach***


	83. Romano 14

**Writing as France is making me feel really... unclean. x.x**

* * *

-O_O- CHIGIIII! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, RAPIST! I SWEAR I HAVE A GUN ON ME!

* * *

_Ah, Romano, I'm so hurt! You don't want to hang out with your big brother François? How hurtful! *sheds _**(crocodile)**_ tears*_

_B-but we can h-hold off on the v-v-violence, right? Y-you'll put the gun down? =D_

* * *

**UNCLEAN. URGH.**


	84. Italy 20

Ciao Huayna!

Yay! You got your memory back! That's really nice of Big Brother France and Big Brother Spain to do that for you!

Oh, I never heard about that before! Is it one of those unofficial official rules that fratello was tell me about? I've been trying to find the book with them but I can't find it!

Huh? America's trying to invade you? But si! I think they do like each other! But what's "Wife Husbandry"?

Ok! I can't wait!

Italy Veneziano

* * *

_Bonjour, mon petit ami Italie~! C'est moi, ton frère ainé, France! Wow, I never know _you_ wrote to little Pérou too! Uwaaaaa, that's so cute~~_

_But why are you two talking about Wife Husbandry? That's when someone falls in love with a person who raised them when they were a child, and that person loves the someone back! Why, just look at your big brother Romano for an example~! _

_Speaking of love, what say we spend some time together later, ma chère Italie? We can have some fun in some secluded little grotto... just the two of us... yes? :3_

_As soon as I'm done with Pérou, of course. Ah, Dieu, he looks absolutely [BEEP]ing ADORABLE when he's blushing like that~!_

_Bisous,_

_France_

* * *

**Okay, that's it. I'm going to take a break and have a nap. I guess that can be the equivalent of brain bleach for today.**


	85. Romano 15

You are NOT my fucking big brother, dammit!

If you keep molesting Peru, like I know you're doing, you jackass creeper, or even attempt to come near me, then I will fill you with so many holes Switzerland won't be able to tell the difference between you and his damn cheese! Got it?

And like hell I'm going to put the gun down! Where the fuck is Spain, dammit!

* * *

_Denying our family ties? Romano, you're so hurtful! No wonder Antoine used to complain about you to me all the time! _

_I am NOT molesting little Pérou! I'm just... being very friendly with him! Ohonhonhon! Did you know he has the cutest little scar on his inner thigh? Oh, but he's resisting so much, I had to tie him up! _

_That's not very nice, Romano... I'm just trying to get to know you better, since you're the one Antoine - oops, better not say it..._

_Je t'embrasse,_

_France_

* * *

**Hooray, it's another "I can't believe I wrote that!" chapter! Next comes Mexico... *dramatic music***_  
_


	86. Mexico 8

**As much as I want to deny it, writing as France is actually kind of... fun. It offers a whole 'nother viewpoint, albeit a very sick perverted one.**

**Yes, so, to summarize, Peru got captured by France when he went to look for Bolivia. Now he's tied up and, from what France has been writing, being molested. *brain bleach at the ready*  
**

* * *

Hola Perú

Hey that is magnific you recovered your memory, then we can have the party, and the best of all is that you have not encountered yourself with France.

Yeah, that is right, oh and good luck with kicking Chile, That blond jerk, and getting away from That blond peervert.

I know, Canada and I drown our sorrows of living with "That" as a neighbour with alcohol.

See you later, or write you later or whatever

Mexico

* * *

_Bonjour Mexique! How nice that you're writing to your cousin Pérou too! Come to think of it, I haven't seen _you_ in a while either... Well? Has your body developed nicely? Nii-san might pay you a visit~!_

_What's so good about not encountering me? I love everybody around me! I just want to be friends... very - _close_ - friends... Heh heh heh heh..._

_Bisous,_

_France_

* * *

**Uuuuuuugh. Brain bleach.**


	87. Romano 16

I-I don't care about that! You're lucky I don't tell Spain about what you used to do to me!

... That's it, I'm heading over there. And I've already taken the safety off this thing, so you better be ready for me to shoot you in the head upon sight, wino bastard.

I don't WANT to get to know you better!

* * *

_Lies, Romano~! Everyone wants to get to know me better! I'm France, after all~!_

_Mon dieu! D-don't come here with the gun! And anyway, you wouldn't be able to_

Senor Romano! Don't come! He's got the nurses on his side, they'll ambush you and do weird things to you! Shoot him through the window instead! We're on the second fl

_Ahahahaha, don't listen to him, he's actually having _tons_ of fun! Aren't we, Pérou?~_

* * *

**Oh, France. Taking over the hospital one nurse at a time. Even the male ones. XD**

**This is the saddest thing I've ever seen! Also kind of funny... I wonder if I have a Sadistic!Lili and RayRay now? http: / / www. youtube. com/ watch?v= e_idTNmbkXw&feature =related**


	88. Mexico 9

OH SHIT FRANCIA

What the hell? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO PERÚ BASTARD? MALDICIÓN,(raises a AK-47 against France) GET OUT OF THIS CONTINENT DAMMIT.

And like hell I will let you enter in my personal space, I will go New Spain in your ass, I will make you eat England's scones (he has them for torture)I will kick you balls...

(Goes New Spain)

Oh Francia, hehehehe (cracks knuckels)if you dare to come to my personal space I will cut out your balls and penis, so get off of the Vice Royalty of Perú or face the consequences.

I will destroy your face so hard that it will be unrecognizable, and remember I am capable of doing that, remember your times as a pirate, even if you deny them... just remember how bad it was for you when you got into my personal space...

Firmado

Nueva España.

* * *

_N-now, now... there's no need to get violent..._

_Mais c'est mon propre continent! You can't kick me off Europe! D:_

_I'm not doing anything to Pérou... we're just having fun! Ehehehehehe~! Did you know your cousin makes such cute noises when I tickle him like this?~_

_D-don't castrate me! I'm too young to be castrated! B-b-but fine! I w-won't go there to v-visit you! D:_

_Terrifié,_

_France_

* * *

**Oh boy, France is starting to lose his nerve! XD**

**And yes, I finally decided to get off my lazy bum and change the rating. Should've done so from Spain's letter onward. Hmm, if this segment only lasts a short while I'll just change it back to T and tack an M warning in the chapter before the abduction takes place.**


	89. Romano 17

**Yesh, it's very fun! I keep wondering if this sort of thing counts as role-playing though D:**

* * *

The only way I'd want to get to know you better is if it was through your obituary reading.

Duly noted. I don't think a simple hand gun's gonna work for this... Where'd I put my Tommy...

* * *

_Romano, that's so hurtful! Why would you want me dead? You'll be sorry when I'm gone~_

_Who's Tommy? Is he cute? :D_

* * *

**Oh, France. Again. XD**

**All the better to shoot you with, Francy-pants!~  
**


	90. Romano 18

Because I hate you and your ass face.

Tommy's not a person, stronzo. Tommy as in the gun, aka one of my personal favorites when I'm... Working.

* * *

_That's not very nice, Romano. If you keep saying things like that, I may have to hurt you~! And not in the fun way, either. _

_Oh, that's too bad, I was really looking forward to having some fun times with this "Tommy" person..._

_Wait, wh-wh-WHAT? Mon dieu! R-Romano, surely you aren't g-going to...?_

* * *

**He finally gets it! I think I'm writing France as too Naive!Spain-ish...**


	91. Italy 21

**Me too... Oh, by the way, the rating went up! Just saying~ =D**

* * *

Oh, Ciao Big Brother France!

Si! I've been writing to Huayna!

Is that what Wife Husbandry means? Can I ask fratello about it?

Some fun? You mean like a game? Ok! Sounds like fun!

Huh? What are doing with Huayna?

Italy Veneziano

* * *

_Bonjour Italie! Ouais, c'est moi! Did you miss me?~_

_How adorable! My favorite little European is writing to such a nice-looking South American nation! Score~_

_I - I think you'd better not... He's already coming at me with a gun. That's not good, is it?_

_Ohonhonhonhon... yes, a game... and it _is_ fun, cher Italie~! *rape face*_

_Pérou and I are already having fun! Why don't you join us?~ :D_

_Bisous,_

_France_

* * *

**I know I already said this, but... UUUUUUUUUUUUGH. Yuck. Barf. I am going to bathe 5 times in brain tomato juice and then 5 times in brain bleach after the France segment ends. Because France-ness clings to you like skunk-smell.**_**  
**_


	92. Romano 19

Yeah, try that when you have the barrel of a personal mafia favorite directed at your face. And how is getting hurt EVER fun, bastardo?

Yeah, I think it'll be more fun to do this hit myself...

* * *

_How is getting hurt fun? Well... ask Allemagne. *coughsBDSMcoughs*_

_R-Romano? No, y-you can't! I-I'm your friend, right? *sweating* Right? =D_

* * *

**I'm doing the M-warning and changing the rating back. Somehow I don't think France is in the mood to say any more inappropriate things...**


	93. Panama 6

F-France?

0.0 Wh-what? What do you mean by th-that? I'm just twelve!

Wha? Wait... Where's Peru? What have you done with him! Don't you dare touch him understand? I may be smaller, but... I have my sister on my side.

You do remember my sister right? The pretty girl who hit you with her guitar when you tried to do something to me? I have her on my side understood? You'll release Peru without a scratch, or I'll send my lovely sister to have a nice... chat... with you, understand?

Peru, if you're there, fight back! I'll try to help you out, ok? Unfortunatley, i have to go to the hospital for a doctor's appointment with Brazil and Puerto Rico... But that's a good excuse to go and save you myself! That way, If you recover your memory, you won't have an excuse to hate me anymore!

Panama.

P.S. Without a scratch, understand France?

* * *

_Bonjour Dani~! Wow, you sure are no fun! Only twelve, still? But... your cousin is also twelve... :3_

_But I'm having so much fun with Pérou! It wouldn't be nice to just kick him out! You'll let your Nii-san François keep him for a little bit, won't you? *puppy dog eyes*  
_

_Alas, I won't be able to go visit you, mon cher! Someone's coming after me with a "Tommy" and from the way little Pérou keeps looking out the window, it must be coming to get me soon! Au revoir, mon petit chou! I'll talk to you soon~_

_*insert some hastily scribbled hearts here*_

_Bisous,_

_Ton ami France_

* * *

**Salvation is coming! Soon! :D**


	94. Mexico 10

HEHEHEHE

Francia

(Still in New Spain mood) I AM GOING ALL THE WAY TO GET YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS OFF OF MY COUSIN

And to do a favor to the world, I WILL CASTRATE YOU, so be prepared.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Nueva España

* * *

_Oh no! Why are so many people after me? I'm scared... T_T_

_What's wrong with playing with Pérou? It's fun! And I'm sure Pérou thinks it's fun too, even though he's trying to kick me in the vital regions right now! Darn it, Mexique, you're such a party pooper..._

_And don't castrate me, s'il te plait... I haven't even had kids yet! D:  
_

* * *

**Oh my god. I never want to imagine France with kids ever again. D:  
**


	95. Italy 22

Ciao Big Brother France!

Huh? Score?

Oh, ok! He's already mad at me for asking him if he and Big Brother Spain were shacked up! But why does he want to shoot you?

Yay! A game! Si! I'll come!

Italy Veneziano

* * *

_S-salut Italie..._

_Um, w-we might have to p-play... later. R-right now I'm kind of... preoccupied... *panicked look*_

_France_

* * *

**Yes, good riddance France! XD**


	96. Spain 20

Francis,

I'm absolutely sure. GET YO HANDS OFF HIS BUTT! Dammit Francis! I don't care that visiting hours are over and that I can barely see straight cause of a fever.

You're a creeper. You're pretty much raping Peru! Freakin' pedophile.

Don't care-let him go, dammit! Don't make me bring my axe

Antonio

* * *

_Aww, Antoine, you're just like all those other party poopers! See how much fun Pérou is having? It would be a sin to have to turn him out now..._

Papá! Don't listen to him! He's a horrible man! H-he tried to touch me in my 'special place'! So please - a-ah...

_I'm not a pedophile, you are~_

_Looking nervously out the window,_

_France_

* * *

**Aaaaaand... here comes the posse.**


	97. Romano 20

o_e That's it. Now BOTH you and that potato bastard are dying.

*chuckles* We were never friends, you sick freak. The only thing keeping you alive up till this point was that you and Spain were friends.

* * *

_R-Ro-Romano? Nooo, whyyyyy? I'm just a poor old man who likes little kids... don't hurt me! T_T_

_*frantically looks around* W-were those footsteps I just heard? O_O_

* * *

**Bye France~**_  
_


	98. Mexico 11

(arrives to wherever is France)

Who wants to be castrated? Oh yeah you... GET YOUR HANDS OF MY COUSIN NE~

(takes out a knife of nowhere and a bag full of England's scones)

So Francia, You want to be castrated that bad right (points knife to France) And afterwards eat England's SCONES

Nueva España

* * *

_OH CRAP, IT'S THE CAVALRY! O_O_

_Now, now... p-put the knife down... and the scones... l-let's work out an agreement, okay? I'll hand Pérou over and you l-let me get out of here in one piece, d'accord? Haha... ha... *sweating immensely*_

* * *

**And then, next chapter...**


	99. Spain 21, Romano 21, Mexico 12

**Spain**

Francis,

Fusosososo, ohhh, mi amigo-hello. How nice it is to see you. Too bad you're too "preoccupied" with my darling Peru to notice me...

Look behind you, amigo. My axe and I have an appointment to keep with you and I'd rather not dawdle...

Now, either relenquish Peru to me or have an axe for a relationship with your head.

Antonio

Ө

_*turns around_

_O_O_

_A-A-Antoine! Erm, *gulps* h-how nice to see you! Uh... I-I can explain..._

_No, never mind, just take him! *unties Peru* G-go easy on me... D:_

* * *

**Romano**

Ciao, France. I'd say it was nice knowing you, but... *multiple bullets go through the window, all aimed at France*

۞

_*is peppered with bullet holes*_

* * *

**Mexico**

Hand it over gabacho pervertido,

(motions Perú to come)

So what we learned today Gabacho pervertido (still threatening France with the scones)Oh yeah touch anyone of my family and you will be castrated.

(Turns to see everyone in the room) Hey may I castrate the French? Pretty please. And afterwards give him scones, come on guys you know that he deserves it.

Nueva España

†

_Noooooooooo! T_T  
_

Peru: Thank goodness you came! *puts on some clothes and hugs everyone* I love you all! :'D

_France: *hides under his bed*_

Bolivia: [coming in] Hey Huayna, I got you that Inca Kola you - whoa, what happened here?_  
_

* * *

**...You know, this sort of stuff really should be in an RP forum. **

**Oh well! :D**

**The little section break symbols were kinda fun to put in! ^_^  
**


	100. Italy 23

**MANY APOLOGIES! I changed the order around a little to make the plot coherent! D:**

* * *

Ciao Big Brother France!

Huh? What happened? Is it something scary?

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

France is currently being detained for being a pervert. The police are arriving any minute now. Oh yeah, and apparently Bolivia wasn't in France's evil clutches, she was hiking halfway across town to buy Inca Kola. I feel kind of bad for her, but I feel even worse for myself...

Talk to you after this whole mess is cleared up,

Huayna Capac

* * *

**Ah, yes, the police. Wouldn't it be interesting if a pair of _gendarmes_ (French policemen) came in... =.=**


	101. Panama 7

Wah?

Oh my god... DON'T GET NEAR ME!

F-fun? I don't want to k-know your ideas of f-fun. And we aren't related! And leave Peru alone! Don't you see he doesn't want anything to do with you? No one sane wants to do something with you!

... *gulp* v-visit me? 0.0 Don't get near me! And I hope that person gives you a lesson on how not to bother anyone! G-get it?

Wh-what? T-talk to me? NO! I don't want you near me ever again... o.o

And we aren't friends!

Panamita \ Dani

* * *

Panama! Oh my gosh! I've been rescued! Oh joy~

Just gotta wait for France to get his just deserts now...

Peru

* * *

**Wheeee~~~**


	102. Spain 22, Romano 22, Mexico 13

**Strangely, it's still in the same order... by coincidence, though.**

* * *

**Spain**

Perú~

Are you all right, querido? I hope Francis *Glares evilly at the swiss-cheese version of said nation* didn't frighten you too much...it's all right, Papa's here now.

Yes Mexico-go ahead.

Mi Perú~, I won't let anyone harm.

Te amo tambien~!

España

†

P-Papá... thank goodness... *clings on and doesn't let go*

T-t-te amo...

* * *

**Romano**

Knock yourself out, Mexico. *awkwardly pats Peru's head* Like I was gonna let that bastard do that after what happened... *shudders*

Ө

_O_o_

_o_O_

_._._

_Wh-why so heartless... *starts backing away*  
_

* * *

**Mexico**

Yeah yeah, well I had fun hahahhaha

(goes back to his normal self)

Did I castrate France? (asking everyone in the room) Please tell me that I did, or at least tortured him with scones. At least tell me that I left him a trauma and that he will never be in my continent again.

Or somewhere near of me...

So about the party Perú, it will be wonderful that you contributed with the food, I am making the best piñata in the world ne~ a piñata that (evil glint in the eye) I will enjoy breaking ne~

México

۞

I don't know, I wasn't looking. Should I look? It's probably too gruesome to see, isn't it? D:

Bolivia: Don't look, Huayna. 

Peru: Why're _you_ looking?

And, yes, I shall be looking forward to the party then! ^_^ *still not looking in France's direction*

* * *

**And so, after this episode, Yuri n' Chuka and dogsrule and I are finally going to fire up the letter forum that had been sitting there vacant...**

**Anyone heard Lilium before? (Anyone else here into the squickiness that is Elfen Lied?) I'm trying to make my UTAU sing it, and it sounds... well... weird. That's what I get for trying to make a Japanese voicebank sing in Latin, I guess. :(**


	103. Panama 8

**And now that France has been returned to the guy who put him in the hospital in the first place, and I'll be writing as Peru again! :D**

* * *

P-Peru?

I-is that you?

Are you OK? Did france do anything to you? What happened?

I was very worried!

Firmado

Dani \ Panamita

* * *

Yes! It's me! I've been rescued! Thank God and Inti and everyone else who came to help! :'D

France... um... next question please. But thanks for your concern! And by the way, if you're still worried about it, I don't hate you at all!

Your sister is awesome if she could flay him with a guitar. Mine... just kind of stood there staring. B-but it's okay, I mean, i-it wasn't like she was s-supposed to be my h-h-hero or anything. :(

Well, as soon as things get cleaned up here I'm going home and drinking a crapload of coca tea to unwind. By the way, how're things going at your place?

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Time to go for breakfast. Why am I starving myself in front of the computer screen? D:**

**Peru: Because you _want_ stomach ulcers.  
**


	104. Spain 23

There, there querido, you're all right. Papa won't let France anywhere near you. *sighes ands holds onto Peru)

Te amo tambien

* * *

I'm sorry... *sniffled* I got captured by stupid France...

*suddenly realizes what he's doing*

*awkward silence*

Um...


	105. Mexico 14

Well I am out of here, there is a piñata that I have to make.

Wow France is sobbing like a baby, when I know the date for the party I will tell you. It will be a great party, hope that not in my house, Venezuela and Guatemala will try to destroy it... again.

Well bye, (snaps fingers and it is out of there) HAHA Still better than England.

Mexico

* * *

Okay Mexico! Talk to you then! *waves goodbye*

It's okay, if it's at your house, I can talk to Venezuela about it... but not Guatemala, sorry.

Have a safe trip home!

Peru

P.S.: Senor Romano wants to know why you don't like him. D:


	106. Italy 24

Ciao Huayna!

Huh? What did Big Brother France do? Was he mean? But it's nice to talk to you again! You feel better now right?

Si! Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano!

Um - I-I don't think you want to know what France did. But yes, it was very mean! D:

Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better since I got rescued. So many people came to help me... I'm touched! :')

Anyway, I'll talk to you after I get home! Bye for now!

Peru

* * *

**Ah, geez, it's sunny outside but probably freezing cold... damn it, summer came early for me this year and yet spring arrived late... if that makes sense at all.**


	107. Romano 23

Because I don't like you, you fucking perv. How Spain didn't turn out more like you with how much he hangs around you is a mystery that I am very thankful for. Hey Peru, now'd be a good time to let Spain know about certain... Things, wouldn't it? *evil smirk*

* * *

Eh? D:

Wh-what "things"? I'm scared...

* * *

**Ah, playing to the Canadian stereotype again with the "eh".  
**


	108. Romano 24

Let's just say that once Spain finds out, France will have to find a new personification.

* * *

Somehow, I like the sound of that... but doesn't he already know? Or, at least, infer it... D:

*feels kind of awkward reviewing what had happened*

* * *

**It IS cold outside. How deceptive.**


	109. Spain 24

It's fine, it's fine-it's not your fault anyway querido.

Peru? ...Why're you being so...quiet? It's so unlike you *pokes cheek affectionately*

Are you okay?

* * *

Um... i-it's just that I - um - I... *blushes* I-I haven't b-been held like this in a l-long time... yeah.

A-anyway... uh... th-thanks again for coming to save me... *gulps* P-Papá.

I, uh... I should let go n-now... *but doesn't.*

* * *

**Aww, it's a deredere moment! Quick, Spain! He called you "Papá"! :D**


	110. Italy 25

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, ok! But maybe he'll apologize to you later!

Ve~ That's good! Who can to help?

Ok! Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

But it's... France. I doubt he'd apologize...

Hope everything's going okay on your end... I heard from Sis about your, uh, pot brownie escapade. Have you gotten down from the tree yet?

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Might be taking a break after this one... first there's yoga, then I have to make my UTAU continue singing Lilium! Oh my gosh it's beautiful! :O**


	111. Romano 25

I'm talking about something that happened awhile ago, Peru. Just add it on to now, and...

Just try not to think about it too much and push it to the back of your mind. Trust me, it's easier that way.

* * *

Well, okay, I'll try not to think too much about it then...

Maybe I will tell Spain after all. France deserves it.

..Doesn't he?

* * *

**Greetings from my new laptop! Ahahaha, it's so annoying. The left shift key is so miniscule and I keep hitting the \ key instead. Ugh, why'd they have to shift it here? All for want of a bigger Enter key... which I don't even need... and the |RIGHT shift key (see, mispressed the \ key right there!) is humongous. I don't even use it. Man, this is so sad...**

**And why is this computer displaying single line breaks instead of double? Or it is FanFiction.|Net's fault? D:\**


	112. Spain 25

Aww, well-since you've been so deprived of affection *huggles* you need to feel the love, querido. Es amorrrr~!

De nada...ah~! You called me Papá, that makes me so happy.

No, you shouldn't you need the comfort.

* * *

*affection overload...*

Th-th-th-that\s enough! I - I - I'm not a little kid anymore! *pushes Spain away* I-I`m going back to South America so, um... b-bye. *blushes*

Stop laughing, Bolivia.

* * *

Lunchtime! It would be so funny if I spilled instant noodle on my laptop, I wouldn`t even laugh. -.-

And is it just me, or did that apostrophe look a little, um... weird to youÉ OH CRAP WHAT IS THIS. Apparently my question marks have turned into... és and És. `Ohonhon, I think I accidentally switched it to a «french keyboard. See, there goes the shift key conundrum again. UUUUuUUUUUUGH. D:


	113. Panama 9

**Me and my awesome Canadian French keyboard. Woot. I probably shouldn't say it this way, since I'm about to become one of them, but how do those suckers type question marks? =_=**

* * *

PERU!

It's good to hear that you're doing okay! ^^

Is something wrong? Why don't you want to tell me what happened? If he did something you didn't like, i could send my sister over. I'm pretty sure she could teach France to never bother you again!

YAY! I thought you hated me, but you don't hate me at all! That makes me happy to know!

My sister... she has anger management problems. And she... swears. A lot. Even though where twins, we are pretty much opposites! Weird huh?

And Bolivia didn't do anything to help you? Why?

And it's good to hear that you'll go back home after being in the hospital, and the France incident. What does coca tea taste like? I've never tried it before.

And I'm doing better than before. My economy is recuperating, and tourist season will come soon, so I could say that I'm fine. Thanks for asking! ^^

And how are things at your house?

Firmado,

Dani \ Panama

P.S. Mi querida amiga Brazil me mando un video muy gracioso tuyo! ^^

* * *

Hola Panama!

Yup, things have finally settled down, and I'm heading home soon, thank goodness. That's the last time I ever go to Europe for anything but official business...

I don't think your sister would like it very much here either... thanks for the offer, though! :D

Twins, eh? I wish I had a twin. Brazil's cousins, Sao Tome and Principe, are twins, but they're very, very, very... _too much_ alike. I think it was Principe who almost blew up Ecuador's house (too bad he didn't...), though it might easily have been the other. If you ever see them at the world summit... run.

Don't worry about Bolivia; I'm sure it was just the hiking halfway across town that made her so passive. I hope. D:

Coca tea tastes like tea, but it's a little sweeter and... *glances arund shiftily* illegal, according to the UN. So don't tell anyone!

It's good to hear you're well! I haven't gone home yet, but I bet those pesky tourists are starting to trickle in... Sometimes I hang around Macchu Picchu to make sure they don't do horrible touristy things to it. I remember _living_ there, damn it, and these little [BEEP]s are all like, 'Oh look, what a cute litle Quechua boy! And his llama! :D' "Hey, can we take a picture of you?" 'Maybe he's a beggar... *gives a handful of coins*'... The next one to do that, I promise you, gets a fist in the face. *scowls*

Right, no more angry ranting. It's starting to make my head hurt. Talk to you soon!

Peru

P.S.: That sounds interesting; may I see it?

* * *

**I. Officially. HATE. This keyboard. **

**HULK SMASH NEW KEYBOARD**


	114. Italy 26

**I've just decided I hate tall skinny Enter keys. The short fat ones were so much better. *hits \ instead of Enter... again.***

**...**

**...HOLY [BEEP], why are there TWO of those goddamn keys I don't need an excess of but have anyway? I hate new keyboard trends. :(**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Are you sure? Big Brother France is really nice!

Si! I did! And fratello told me that he wants to work together with Ludwig! Isn't that cool!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano  
**  
**

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Riiiiiiight. "Nice". I think you mean the Nice that is your flank, or pecs, or wherever it was. France certainly isn't that other kind of "nice".

**(At this point, I must interrupt to say that I just found out my ~ key shrunk. Someone up there must be trying to cure me of this habit, or really enjoying torturing me.)**

Senor Romano and Senor Germany working together? I never thought I'd see the day! Quick, you have to videotape it and show me! :D

Going home soon,

Huayna Capac

P.S.: The annoing |Hetalia fan is being whiny again... =.=

* * *

**I have good reason to though. Sigh, this keyboard...it's almost as annoying as, well, me. According to \Peru, anyway. **

**...Ignore the slash.**


	115. Mexico 15

Hello Perú

Umm tell him that I do not hate him, maybe envy when I was a colony but never hate... In reality I like him, but we usually do not interact with each other, so maybe is because I do not know him.

I may dislike Tiziano Ferro, but that was because he insulted the woman of my country, but I only dislike specific persons, it takes long to make me hate the country.

So summarizing that, I do not dislike him, he is invited to the party, but I forgot to tell him. The question here is remember what the hell I said to give that impression... ummmmmmmmmmmmm

Frankly I do not remember.

Umm do not worry about Vene y Guate, ya me encargue de Vene y Guate is not that bad... he will destroy the ones that I do not like that much, or try to destroy my things.

Yeah like I said I can get home with a snap of my fingers, I am still better at magic than England.

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico,

Okay, I'll be sure to let him know. But who's Tiziano Ferro?

Uh oh, you're forgetting things now too? Sacrilege! Don't end up losing your memory like me... D:

Haha, I'm sure England wouldn't like to hear that! Have fun at home then, and say hi to your neighbors for me! See you at the party!

Peru

* * *

**SUDDEN. SPONTANEOUS. STOMACHACHE. D:**

**Peru: I told you not to eat too many ginger snaps! **


	116. Romano 26

**Time to configure UTAU on my new computer~! And move my shimeji over! Back in 5 (anywhere from minutes to hours, I dunno).**

* * *

Yes, France deserves it. Among other things, such as being strung up by his vitals till the shrivel and drop off like raisins. Just saying.

* * *

Er... that's very, um, disturbing... O_o

B-by the way... Mexico says he doesn't really hate you, he was just jealous of you. Oh, and something about Tiziano Ferro. Who's that?

* * *

**I have heard Perdono in too many different versions NOT to know who that is. XD**


	117. Spain 26

**And then, I got so pissed at that new computer, I put it to sleep and went back on my old one.**

**No, not really. The new computer is missing a bunch of programs I need at the moment. -.-**

* * *

Awww, that's so mean...Papá was just looking out for you...hmph...

* * *

I-I'm almost five hundred years old, I d-d-don't need you to l-look out for me! N-nope! Ŏ / / /^/ / / Ŏ

B-but you can come to my house anytime and I-I'll serve you some nice Peruvian cuisine... a-and you can graciously accept a - a present and a thank-you card after I get home... y-yeah.

Um...again... _sulpayki._

* * *

**Ah, Old Computer... My dad is forcibly taking you away at the end of the week... T_T**


	118. Romano 27

Heh, sorry about that...

He's an Italian pop singer. Really popular in a lot of places, actually, and he records Spanish versions of his Italian albums. And why the hell is he...? Nevermind.

* * *

W-well, I don't think France should get away with this entirely scot-free, either... _some_ punishment wouldn't hurt...

I'm searching him up on the Internet right now! Somehow his voice reminds me of a bag of potato chips. I don't know why, but it just does.

* * *

**Dogsrule, if you're reading this, apologies for bringing it up again, but somehow I suddenly remembered: "Chaaaaaaarrrrliiiiiiiie! Chaaaaarrrrrrliiiiiiiieeee!" **

**My mind is scary ._.**


	119. Italy 27

**Sleepy... want... nap... but it's already almost 6. Maybe I'd be better off sleeping early today...**

**But then where would all my Internet-boozing time go? D:**

**...And such is the dilemma of an IB student suddenly finding herself staying up late for no reason other than for the sake of it. Stupid IB! Stupid late-night homework marathons! Stupid what's-his-face for 'inspiring' me to stay up late in the first place!**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Huh? What do you mean? I was talking about how he acts! He really like to give hugs and things!

Si! They are! But..they told me that they still won't become friends though… but si! I'll record it for you!

Yay!,

Italy Veneziano

P.S. huh? She is?

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

That's exactly why he needs to be locked up.

What are they working together on anyway? :0

Signed,

Huayna

P.S.: Yup. Whining as usual. Now it's about the lack of a proper off-vocal for "Lilium"... whatever that is. Oh yeah, and there are little me's running rampant all over the screen! S-sacrilege! D:

* * *

**Charlie the Unicorn. How amusing. I found a picture of England riding him like a horse and leading him to (dun dun dun...) Candy Mountain. -.-**


	120. Romano 28

Don't worry; I've got some... Borrowed... anesthetic, and a doctor friend of mine that would be more than happy to help.

o-e You did NOT just compare him to a bag of mother fucking /potato chips/.

* * *

But that's just how he sounds to me! Anyway, the annoying Hetalia fan's compared worse... there was this one voice she thought sounded like a nose, and another that sounds like string cheese, and a third that sounds like the air rushing through Chile's empty head - oops, I mean... never mind.

Maybe I was just hungry. But Senor Ferro sounds very nice as a... bag of potato chips. I'm still listening. He sounds like different things in different languages! :D

As for France... um... well, just don't do anything he can sue you for. I have my revenge all planned out for the next world summit, but in the meantime, have fun. *sadistic laughter*

* * *

**Haha, talking about that first guy didn't go very well...**

**Me: Oh! I know what Gakupo sounds like!  
**

**Friend: What?**

**Me: He sounds like he has a nose! :D  
**

**Friend: -.-**


	121. Italy 28

**Oh yeah... I put the England and Charlie picture in my Youtube video too... XD**

* * *

**Driving on the highway is scary. What if my L sign falls off? D:**

**...I meant L as in Learner. Not Loser. ICBC seriously needs to redesign their signs. At least make the L signs something other than red...**

**Barfy green.**

**But wait, that's the N sign. (N for Novice not Noob...)**

**Wow. ICBC needs to rename those two stages of learning to drive. =_=  
**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, it is?

They want to get back at Prussia for sending me the brownies!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

P.S. oh, maybe you could ask her to stop! But what do you mean by little you running around the screen?

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Si, it is! Haven't you ever been touched inappropriately by him? I saw him do it to Spain. And now French Guiana... no, let's not even go there.

What brownies? You mean the ones you and a whole bunch of people got high on?

Signed,

Huayna

P.S.: No chance of that; she'll just whine about how mean I am. And by little me's I mean... I don't know what that annoying person has been doing, but there are little chibi images of me running rampant on her computer screen! Oh help, one of them just morphed into Japan! D:

* * *

**Because my project is only 4/46 done. *flashes thumbs-up***


	122. Romano 29

... The fuck? The girl next to me says she agrees with yours. Ay, Dio, why?

Don't worry; I'm just finishing up what someone else started.

* * *

Agrees? With which part? D:

Oh? Who started it, if I may ask?

Must convince the doctor I'm perfectly healthy and sane now. Talk to you soon!

* * *

**My sister's goldfish went belly-up yesterday, but today it's alive and well again. What the heck?...**


	123. Spain 27

Aww, whatever you say, Peru~

Hmm? Is that an invitation? Then I accept :3 When I'm not so busy I'll stop by, kay?

De nada :3

* * *

D-damn right, Spain. *blushes*

Yeah, it's an invitation. But first you have to define "busy". There are ways people get around doing certain things and they usually start with the phrase, "When I'm not busy".

I'll be heading home soon, so see you next time. Better go home and get some rest, you don't look very well. D:

Oh, and, um... y-you can have some Inca Kola before you leave, if you want.

* * *

**Apparently Inca Kola is yellow. And their slogan is "El sabor del Peru" (I may or may not have spelled that wrong). "The taste/flavour of Peru". I dunno about you, but...**

**Peru: Do. NOT. Go. There. **

**Aww, it's just like Germany's, er, "beer"! XD  
**


	124. Panama 10

**What. The H[BEEP]. Happened to . Why do they keep changing things?**

* * *

Peru!

Meh... my sister should stop being a spoiled brat. She filled my computer with viruses, and I had to go to Estonia for him to fix! It took ages to get it done though...

Sao Tome and Principe? I guess I haven't met with them before... Their twins too? Blow up Ecuador's house? That sounds... destructive... yet I would love to see that happen...

Why should I run if I see them? They sound fun...^^

Oh. I guess that explains why she couldn't help you.

Coca tea is illegal? Then why do you continue drinking it? If it's illegal, it must be for a good reason!

Now that we're talking about it, doesn't Coca Cola made of the same thing?

Don't worry! If you don't want me to tell, I won't say a thing! ^^

Tourists can be a pain. They think they can do anything they want, And they end up damaging historical sites because of their carelessness!

At least you can pass through anywhere without a problem! You'll blend right in the crowd, and no one will know that you're really the human representative of a country! ^^

Oh right! You used to live in Macchu Picchu with your dad! Eh... must be kind of sad to see everything in ruins... 0.0 Sorry if i made you remember anything unpleasant!

Signed,

Panama \ Dani

P.S. Um... depends if you want to see yourself after a trip with Brazil to the bar. ^^;;

* * *

Hola Panama,

Tsk, viruses seem to be a big problem nowadays. But it's good that Senor Estonia could fix it; Argentina had to start over from scratch (re-install the operating system and all that fun stuff) after Liga Federal messed with it. And then Uruguay somehow ended up paying for it. -.-

Yes, me too. Though it would kind of hurt to see a giant hole being made in Quito. I know it's that banana bastard's land now, but it still has... historical significance.

Oh yes, they're fun - until they stick dynamite in your pants and light it. Trust me, they'll prank even their closest friends.

Coca tea is a symbol of our culture and heritage! There is _no way_ Sis and I are letting some prissy foreign officials take that away from us! It's not even addicting... Well, the leaves do contain cocaine, and the UN being full of annoying white people even more paranoid than I am... you know the result. Every coca tree in the region - gone. But yes, they put coca leaves in Coca Cola. They remove the cocaine first though.

It's alright. The UN is too lazy to do much about it anyway.

Tourists are fat. It's fun watching them wheezing their way up the mountain. It's not so fun watching their fat fatness crush flowers and insects when they try to take shortcuts.

Oh? But you can do the same thing, right?

It's sad, but... life goes on. I just wish that stupid tourist guide would stop pretending he knows more than I do.

Peru

P.S.: Oh ho ho. Let's see it. And afterwards I can destroy all copies of that damn video, yes?

* * *

**A/N: Peru's spiel on the UN does not reflect the author's opinions on the matter.**


	125. Mexico 16

WBUEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAAS PERU

Tiziano Ferro, is a singer from Italy, he was very popular here, until well, woman are scary beings that should not be insulted and since then I have not heard nothing about Tiziano Ferro in here.

It was a scandal, and well... or maybe I gave that impression because I forgot to sing a peace treaty with Italy at the end of World War II. Ummm maybe it was that, you see I had forgotten that because well I was more busy being sick.

I am always sick, if not a earthquake or a crisis, of an plague, or a civil war or the 2 october of 1968, the worst day of my life.

Well I tend to forget things that I do not want to remember, I have hazy memories about "that war" maldito James K. Polk.

Of course he hates to hear that, more if it comes from a brat, I tend to nag him about not altering the fucking order of the universe, but he does not listen to me.

Yeah, yeah. Hey tell me when it is

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico!

Senor Ferro sounds like a... questionable person. You'd think he'd know better than to insult anyone... well, it's better than that Canadian what's-his-name not knowing what German is.

You're always sick? That's no good; maybe you should get out more so you can become stronger! And I'm sure other countries would be willing to help you if things got really bad!

But it's not good to forget; history's there for a reason. Besides, if you forget bad things, you won't be able to get your revenge later on. :D

Sorry, that might just be me being sadistic again.

Are you talking about that blond jerk? If so, then I agree with you. He never listens to anyone.

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Justin Bieber does not know what "German" is. Poor kid... *is secretly laughing my head off*  
**

**Well, time to go and prepare for my graduation ceremony rehearsal! I kinda don't want to go...**


	126. Spain 28

**I. HATE. Commencement meetings. Did they really have to get a guy on a wheelchair to come and talk to us about drunk driving? Especially when he'd already come here last year? And some other dude also came here to talk to us? No offense to those lovely people, of course; I respect them very much and thank them for their time. But our counselors... ugh. :(**

**And then they did Commencement gown distributing in alphabetical order. Guess whose last name starts with W?~**

**I'm glad this sort of thing will never happen in university.  
**

* * *

Aw, you're blushing~! Esta muy adorable~!

Anywho, muchas gracias-y my definition of busy is when I'm not saving Europe from itself. I swear...they're so obnoxious and if England doesn't cut it out with the damn spells I'm going to STRANGLE him until he turned blue. And dies. Of lack of air. Yeah.

...y-yeah. You're right, I'm exhausted and I feel my damn fever coming back on...so I guess rest is priority numero uno, huh?

Muchas gracias~!

* * *

Is - is not! D:

If you want someone to take care of England, I have a few friends here who can do that... I'm sure they'd be happy to, er, 'repay' him for past grievances. And Senor Falklands would love having him over too... though recently he's been staying over at Argentina's. You know what that means for England...

Yes, now go home and rest. I-I'll see you soon.


	127. Italy 29

Ciao Huayna!

No, He's never done that to me!

Si! Those brownies! There's a lot of people mad at him now so he went into hiding!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

P.S. oh, well Nicaragua just told me that maybe you should be a better home security system so she can't bother you anymore!

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

He must be saving you for a special occasion. Or maybe you just never notice. Probably the latter.

How... Prussia-like. Well, if I see him at my place I'll be sure to turn him over to you guys.

I would, but I'm kind of poor at the moment... better make that always. Stupid Chile. But the tourists are coming in, so that's good... I guess.

Signed,

Huayna

* * *

**Yup, it is! Now I'm motivated to quickly finish the other 42 images...**


	128. Romano 30

That the one guy sounds like a nose or whatever... Hey, is it normal for someone to walk everyone barefoot?

Mexico's fucked up personality, Nuova Spagna.

Good luck. Because while you may be perfectly healthy, the fact that you're a nation automatically makes you insane.

* * *

Oh, that person. Doesn't he, though?

Walking barefoot means you're likely to get all sorts of weird viruses and crazy germs on your feet. And then you'll grow warts or something. I also heard about this type of worm that enters your body through your feet. But yes, it's normal.

Oh, him! There, there, I'm sure he doesn't mean to, um, be mean...

Yeah, I guess so. But they gave me the ok anyway, so I'm free to go home! Hooray! :D

* * *

**Time to watch videos of rats grooming each other and think about Alf and Benny :'(**

**R.I.P...**


	129. Spain 29

Peru,

Well, I'm back home now-and in bed. Are you happy? Now I just feel lazy and bored...ahh..

But you really are adorable~!

No, no, leave that British asshole to me. He and I have some...unfinished...buisness...hehehe.

:3 I'm resting-m-man, I'm tired...

Mucho amor,

Papa

* * *

Spain,

Y-yes, I'm happy. *pouts*

I most certainly am _not!_ I'm... I'm... old! Y-yeah! D:

But have fun with England. *thumbs up*

S-sorry for making you come save me...

Peru

* * *

**And now... the fourth Inuyasha movie which I really should've watched years ago! Which somehow reminds me, I need to confirm with my friend whether or not she can go to the anime convention...  
**


	130. Romano 31

... Now she's freaking out. And guess who has to deal with it? *glares*

It's fine. As long as he doesn't talk to me, I'm fine.

Good for you. Get home safe.

* * *

Sorry! D:

But it's the truth, after all. And sometimes the truth is ugly.

How can you just run away from the problem? You two should make amends. It would make Spain very happy...

Thanks. I got home. It's a mess. When I find the [censored] who let Capac loose in the house I am burning his sorry ass over a pyre. And his stupid bananas too. Oh yes, I have a strong hunch I know who it is...

* * *

**Ecuador: Uh oh. O_O**


	131. Mexico 17

**Why am I awake at this hour? I should go to sleep... D:**

* * *

Calma Perú

What? How someone is really that stupid, thank god that Canada got rid of him and sent him to "That" place.

Well it is not like I do not like getting out, specially if that means visiting european and asiatic countries. Sometimes I go to Germany's place to get in a drinking contest with Prussia, I always out drink him.

I am just not accustomed to letting people near of me, I am paranoid. It is not that bad, sometimes I faint but I am not that weak.

Well yeah, but how to explain it, I know what happened, I still remember but I do not like thinking about it.

No I am talking about The idiot who thinks that can do magic, that is the one.

Well at least I can say that I control my sadistic self, and that I did not end like Russia.

That is one fucked up guy, but I do not dislike him, he really appreciates my flowers.

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico,

Yes, I agree. He really is dumb. Dumbness like that should be made illegal. Then we can arrest him, and that Miley Cyrus bitch, and Chile - whoops! Y-you didn't hear that...

Okay, so what if you did.

That's impressive! But don't have too much European liquor, it might have, er, weird effects on you. It does on me. And let's not even get started on what happens when I have sake... D:

Being paranoid is bad for your heart! Then again, I'm paranoid too... but I've never fainted. Only that one time, and it was because I had a really awful fever. And I don't even remember it...

No one likes thinking about bad things that happened. Say, how old are you? Your physical age, I mean. I'll explain why I'm asking later.

Oh, him. That's okay, Spain's going to 'take care' of him! :D

Senor Russia is scary. He made Argentina pee his pants once~

But it was very long ago, and the video camera hadn't been invented yet. Which kind of sucks.

Ehhhh? B-but... he's telling me you hate him and he hates you... You didn't do anything bad to him in your sleep, did you?

Peru

* * *

**Neapolitan ice cream is delicious. But I ate too much...**

**Peru: Oh yay. An annoying, FAT Hetalia fan is the last thing I need. =_=**


	132. Panama 11

Peru,

Viruses can be a pain. But good thing Estonia could fix it for me! I'm not that good with technology...

Argie had to start over from scratch? ^^ Good, he deserves it for calling me a midget all the time!

...And they always take advantage of Uruguay, don't you think?

Oh yeah... Quito was part of the Inca empire before, right? We could blow up something else instead! ^^ If you want to, of course.

...They made your pants explode? S-suddenly, I don't w-want to meet them a-anymore...

Coca tea sounds important to you... but maybe... JUST maybe... you could drink it in less amounts? That way, there's no possibility it will make your health worst...

Oh. I didn't know that... maybe Coca Cola is so addictive because of the coca leaves...

... Those tourists probably came from the U.S. Maybe you could tell the tourist guides to be more strict about where the tourists can pass.

... W-well... about that... you know about my canal? Because of it, and my position on the globe, there are more immigrants and foreigners than Panamanians... And in the higher social classes, there are very few Panamanians... that's why I stand out a little against all the others that live in the city... That's why I can't go everywhere I please... that might make people suspicious...

I guess life does go on! And about that tourist guide... you can arrange that very easily...

De:

Dani \ Panama

P.S. Sure! I'll let you see it! I think Brazil gave the video a title... what was it again... Oh yeah! It's called, "The Great Escapades of a Drunk Peru"! ...And sorry... Brazil wouldn't be very happy about if you decided to burn all the copies.

P.S.S. Maybe seeing this video will convince you not to drink anymore... especially with Brazil...

* * *

Hola Panama,

I envy Senor Estonia's skill with computers. But he must get a lot of requests for help.

He called you a midget? That's funny, he's never dared to call me that before...probably because I have a million horror stories about his childhood to use against him. I'll share a few if you want... heh heh heh...

Poor, poor Uruguay. At least he's doing better than Paraguay. Oh, and apparently their names do NOT rhyme.

Mehhhh... there's nothing really important in Ecuador's eastern regions... oh my god! He has no national parks! That crazy sonofabitch! When did this happen? Stupid, stupid brother - !

I must go reprimand him after finishing this letter. Or rather, I should phone him at this ungodly hour and yell at him.

Er, n-no, they didn't make my pants explode, but they tried to. Luckily, Portugal was there to call them off! D:

Coca tea is perfectly fine in the amounts I take. The problem lies with white-people paranoia. Trust those gringos to make a ruckus about it when they first found out about that Coca Cola thing. But no, they remove the cocaine first nowadays.

Tourist guides are icky. I don't wanna talk to them. Besides, they're too full of themselves to listen.

Well, that sucks! But my people don't exactly welcome an _indio_ with open arms either... I have to wear a poncho all the time in case people start asking where I stole that neatly-pressed clean white shirt from. (The department store, in exchange for thirty nuevo soles, [censored]!) Hahahaha... white people are infuriating.

Peru

P.S.: Must. Destroy. Video... Turn. It. Over. _Now._ =D

P.P.S.: I think that little mishap in Europe has convinced me as well...

* * *

**I just found out about that national parks thing on Google Maps. But Ecuador has the Amazon Rainforest on its eastern side, so that explains why there're no roads there.**

**I have nothing against people of any race. But Peru does. Please note that his opinions do not reflect mine at all, except for that part about tourist guides.  
**


	133. Spain 30

Peru,

Well good...cuz I'm goin' to sleep...

...Do you really wanna call yourself...old?

Ahaha, oh, gracias~I will...maybe too much fun-but,eh, that's a...minor stipulation.

No, it's fine. It needed to be done. And, as su Papa, I wouldn't have it any other way-I'm just merely pointing out my sleepyness.

Mucho amor

Papa

* * *

Spain,

I _am_ old! Old old old! So old you can see dust in the creases of my face! Okay, not really...

S-so stop calling me adorable. D:

As I said to Senor Romano, don't do anything he can sue you for. Then again, you can sue for practically anything these days...

Oh. Okay then. G-goodnight.

Peru

* * *

**Blarg, Edmonton. Maybe it's time to bring out the big guns. But the big guns went to university and made new friends... and is currently in China... I doubt she'll be that interested in a convention anyway. **

**But guess what? Guess what? My friend's inviting me to a grad dinner at his place! On my birthday! It's probably a coincidence, but... I'm so touched! Squee~!  
**


	134. Mexico 18

Peru

Maybe after we could arrest that Blond Jerk... oh wait did I say that.

I have tequila with 75% of alcohol I think that I can manage. Sake you mean Japanese liquor made with rice.

Ummm it is not that often, most of the time is when I overwork myself, so do not worry.

Okay ummm... the most that I look is sixteen, yeah I do not look older than sixteen.

Well then let Spain have his fun, I think that Cartagena de las Indias was not wnough revenge for him.

Umm who, Russia? Oh shit now what... Now I have to make another sorry for whatever New Spain has done gift, I think that vodka should do.

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico,

Yes, you did say that. But don't worry, I like that suggestion very much.

Come to think of it, I've never had tequila before. But isn't that alcohol content dangerously high? O_O

Yup, that's sake. Something in it just puts me off somehow.

Well, that's not too bad then. I've been told I haven't grown because my heart's still rooted in the past. Glad to see you're doing okay though.

England will never see it coming...

I'm sure it's not too bad - Senor Russia dislikes me too. Heck, I bet he dislikes the whole of Latin America. =_=

How does he handle all that hate...?

Peru

* * *

**Only 3 more hours until Lili (the other part of this account, who never shows up on here anyway) reaches home. Then I can phone her a bug her about Edmonton~!**

**...Oh, wait. She's going to her French tutor after school. **

**...Only 6 more hours to go! Ahahaha... ha... **


	135. Italy 30

**Yes! Go work on those projects! You can gloat over them later. I still have mine from nearly 3 years ago in mint condition. It's a pamphlet on hantavirus. :3**

* * *

Ciao Huayna!

Huh? What do you mean by the latter?

Ok! Canada said that he's looking for him! He said that America taught him how to do some type of water torture!

Oh, well maybe you can ask for one for Christmas!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Ah, n-never mind. Just pay attention to where his hands are next time you see him.

Water torture? Sounds intriguing. Do you think he'll teach that to me? :D

But it would be too tedious for Senor Finland to help me set everything up! Nah, I'll just hang a giant axe from the door, and when she opens it, it'll come loose and chop her head off. Now to get a giant axe...

Peru

* * *

**My friend is awesome. *w***

**Peru: Stop acting like a lovestruck fool. =_=**


	136. Romano 32

Kinda like the German bastard that needs to stay the hell away from Feliciano.

I'm Italian. It's what we do. A-and who cares if it would make him happy, dammit? I-I don't, that's for sure!

See if you can put him in a dress first.

* * *

But I think Senor Feliciano and Senor Germany are great friends! Unless they're something more than friends... in which case, er... no comment.

Are you sure you don't care? The tone of your voice tells me otherwise~

I borrowed a dress from my neighbor Rosa. She's really well-built so hopefully it'll fit on Ecuador. I have a corset handy just in case it doesn't...

I hear him walking around downstairs. Time to roll.

* * *

**Insert some random comment here that I can't think of at the moment.**


	137. Romano 33

Unfortunately, they're more. The only reason that macho potato is still alive is because- W-well... He makes Feliciano happy, somehow. A-and I'm not a completely terrible brother, s-so...

Shut up, dammit.

Take a picture for me, will you? That needs to go on the internet. And good luck.

* * *

But then, why do you hate Senor Germany so much? And fine, I _will_ shut up, but only when you stop denying it.

Of course I'll take a picture. But that might take a while, because it was actually Chile I captured.

...

...Time to roll anyway.

* * *

**Trust me, Chile in a frilly pink dress is really uncanny...**


	138. Italy 31

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, ok! I will!

Si! Well I don't know if he'll teach you! I can ask him if you want me too!

Ve~ That sounds really scary! Is she really that bad?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

That would be very nice, thanks. I'd rather not talk to him myself.

Well, no, but one can never be too careful...

Besides, a home security system only encourages people to try and break in. It tells them I'm wealthy enough to afford one.

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Only 4.5 hours to go...**


	139. Munich 1

H-hallo.

My name's Munich; I'm Germany's little schwester. Apparently I'm too "anti social" and need to interact with other nations. I figured that you and Spain would be good to start with, since a) you guys seem pretty nice, and b) I can't look my bruder in face anymore after I was woken up one night to hear... Things... Do you have brain bleach? Bitte? I need it. So very badly. ; A ;

Sincerely,

Munich (Louise Beilshmidt)

P.S. Touch me and I'll break you fingers off. -^_^-

* * *

Hola Senora Beilshmidt - I-I mean S-Senorita Beilshmidt...

Another one, eh? Come to think of it, someone's being sent to my place for the exact same reason. If only I could remember who it is...

Depending on how old you are, you may have to watch out for Spain, though.

No, I am sorry, I've run out of brain bleach. This annoying Hetalia fan used it all up after pretending to be France. Maybe some coca tea will do the trick? And you could always try drinking lots of pisco.

Peru

P.S.: I'm twelve. I don't... "touch" people.


	140. Romano 34

Because I don't want him to hurt mio fratellino like he did during WWII. It took forever to get him back to normal...

I'm not denying anything! I'm just telling the truth! I don't care if it makes Spain happy, dammit! Chigi!

* * *

Hello, this is Peru pretending to be an answering machine because the damn thing is broken. If you are Ecuador, remember what I told you about not talking to me? Now you're really going to get it. If you are Chile, that's kind of impossible, because I've strung him up and am busy squeezing him into a corset. He has abs. I'm not jealous or anything, I just... well, it makes my job a lot harder. When I'm done, this stupid _roto_ will have curves that rival Senor Canada's Coquihalla Highway. I'll be back in half an hour, after the pictures are taken and posted online. Be sure to check them out! :D

By the way, Spain will be very sad to hear that.

* * *

**Imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger in a pink dress. Need help? Youtube the movie _Junior_ and go to about 3/4 of the way in. That's what Chile looks like in a dress.**


	141. Munich 2

**In a moment of distraction, I lost track of the reviews! If I missed one, please let me know! D:**

* * *

Guten tag, Peru.

What do you mean another one? Is my bruder sending more of us to you? Ugh... If I could actually speak to him, I'd hit him.

H-huh? What do you- Oh Gott! W-was Gil right? Is your Vatti a pedophile? It's a good thing I'm seventeen, then...

Verdammt... Now where am I supposed to find that stuff? Guess it's back to chugging Bavaria's beir then... Isn't coca tea illegal, though?

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. No, I mean just touch me in general. Even just poking me would cause me to snap. I don't like being touched. At all. It's the one thing I'm extremely OCD about.

* * *

Hola Senorita Beilshmidt - or would you rather I address you as Munich?

No, it's someone on this side of the ocean. That's as much as I know. I just hope it's not Bolivia.

Yes, he's a pedophile. It's scandalous. I don't want him anywhere near my children, if I ever have any.

Yes, it's illegal, but no one cares about that, really. It's like how people chew gum at Senor Singapore's place even though it's against the law.

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be getting more brain bleach soon.

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: Oh. In that case, uh... w-would it help if I wore gloves? D:

* * *

**Woot illegal gum-chewing in Singapore! Don't do it in public though.**


	142. Spain 31

**Never mind, I found it. Apologies to KazeRose; the review page wasn't loading properly. D:**

* * *

Peru,

You're a bad liar.

But it's the truth...

Hm? You're talking to Lovino? Curious...ah, but-all right, all right, fine fine.

Buenos noches-for realzy.

Papa

* * *

Spain,

I most certainly am NOT a bad liar!

B-but look! You're a bad liar too, then! I'm not cute, what are you talking about?

And why is me talking to Senor Romano so "curious"? Is there something wrong with that?

When you wake up, check under your bed for evil stalkers. I found one under mine this morning.

Peru


	143. Romano 35

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, kid. Sure you aren't jealous. *sarcasm*

A-and I don't care! How many times do I have to tell you that? N-not like he's important to me o-or anything...

* * *

I'm _not_ jealous! Why would I be? Do you have any idea how weird abs would look on a twelve-year-old's body? Besides, I'm still stronger than him or Ecuador.

Oh _really._.. *meaningful look* Well, if you say so.

Man, does Chile have steel girders instead of a rib cage or something? Why is it so hard fitting the corset on him?

* * *

**And it's suddenly occurred to me that in 4 hours (3.5 now) _I_ won't be around. Darn it, time to intensely spam her inbox.**


	144. Italy 32

Ciao Huayna!

Huh? why? I think that Canada's really nice! Even though he's acting kind of scary right now!

Si! That makes sense! Right now this scary girl named Lizveth is talking about how she's like to give me date-rape drugs!

Oh, ok!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

* * *

Hola Senor Feliciano,

I thought you meant America. But if Senor Canada is being scary, then I don't want to talk to him after all...

D-date-rape drugs? Senor Feliciano, maybe you should upgrade your home security too...

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**It was supposed to be 4.5 hours until I call my friend and get her to confirm whether or not she's coming to Edmonton with me in August. But suddenly I remembered my Commencement ceremony is today. More than 2 hours of sitting around doing nothing... all for 2 minutes on the stage with a principal who talks like she's addressing a bunch of kindergartners. -.-**


	145. Munich 3

Dear Peru,

Call me Munich. And oh, that's fine then. ^_^

... I feel very bad for Sicily then. He looks almost exactly like Romano did as a child. Even though he's 16, he looks twelve-ish.

... You serious? Gum chewing is illegal in Singapore?

Danke, I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. Just... No touch. Not even most of my family can get away with it unless I give them permission. Otherwise they get Judo thrown.

* * *

Hola Munich,

It might be fine for you but it's not fine for me... Just who is this idiot anyway? D:

Then Senor Sicily should definitely stay away from Spain. And lock all his doors and windows at night.

Yup. I think Senor Singapore has OCD too.

De nada~

Peru

P.S.: Oh. Th-that's a little excessive though, isn't it?

* * *

**In Singapore, they drive on the left side of the road! And I love Hong Kong very much! :D**

**Peru: How random...  
**


	146. Spain 32

**My sister found an Argentinian coin on the ground! :O**

* * *

Peru,

But you are.

No, I'm not. I choose to lie poorly-when you've seen what I have, one has to learn how to lie well.

Yeah, you're cute-just accept the compliment.

Ah, it just is. When you two were little you both would argue all the time so I just found this a bit curious, you know? Nothing wrong with it.

Stalkers? Ah, all right.

Papa

* * *

Spain,

Am not.

I shudder to think of what you've seen...

But - it's - not a compliment! I-I'm growing up, for goodness' sakes! I can't be cute! D:

Well... things change, I guess.

Yes, stalkers. I'm sure you have at least one too.

Peru

* * *

**Oh my gosh, this Argentinian coin is so awesome! Kya~ X3**


	147. Romano 36

Yeah, I meant you're jealous of not being as old as he is.

Y-yeah, really!

... Need some help over there?

* * *

Oh, Well, I guess so then. There must be something in the water that made those two down south grow up like... like... for want of a better simile, like pigs on growth hormone.

I'm good; thanks for the offer though. Hehehe, just look at that lovely hourglass shape! Too bad about the face though...

*spies Bolivia's makeup on the table*

Meh, she won't mind...

* * *

**No, but HE will. XD**


	148. Munich 4

Dear Peru,

I have no idea. Why don't you ask?

Yes he should. And Spain should stay away as well unless he wants the mafia on his arsche and a pissed off Romano trying to kill him. He's a surprisingly protective big bruder.

Maybe we should get together and talk, then.

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. Not really. Especially for those that were once apart of Prussia. They're very touchy feely. Me no like.

P.S.S. You all can blame my bruder Hamburg for America's obsession with hamburgers. He invented them. Spread the word~~~!

* * *

Dear Munich,

I got some random number for a very faraway place and frankly, I kind of dread finding out who's on the other side. But he's arriving very soon so I'll find out in just a few hours...

Yes, he is very protective, especially of Senor Feliciano, it seems.

Mm, perhaps. But that'll have to wait until after I stuff Chile into this dress and post pictures of him all over the internet.

Peru

P.S.: Ah. Prussia. Well, that explains a lot.

P.P.S: I don't mind hamburgers... just America. He's a fat ignorant gringo.

* * *

**So am I. XD**


	149. Mexico 19

Hehehe

Maybe, I can not export it; but I do not have that tequila so often, only when I want to get smashed.

But I heard that is not even that strong.

Well yeah, I am not that bad, I still have the hope that I will grow to be a great nation. And achieve world peace... too ambitious right.

Oh yeah... I feel sorry for him though, he was one of my first friends outside the continent, even if at first he only wanted to be my friend to piss off Spain... and other people.

Really... well then he is really a good actor, he always says that my house has many things that he wants. I think that the only one of the continent that he really dislikes is The Blond Jerk.

Russia is not bad... only insane.

Mexico

* * *

Hola Mexico,

B-but getting smashed is not good for you! Especially your liver! D:

Haha... well, maybe not compared to vodka, but the stuff I usually drink is about 70 proof.

It's good to have ambitions; they'll motivate you. And don't worry, if you're working towards world peace, you're not alone.

Senor Russia... he's hard to understand. Maybe you could loan your therapist to him and see if _he_ can make heads or tails of what goes on in that guy's head.

But you know, "many things that he wants" makes him sound kind of threatening. Is that "wanting" in a good way or a bad way? D:

Peru

* * *

**Time to make a few changes...**


	150. Talk show episode 5

**Whee, it's the talk show again! Oh yeah, I probably should've mentioned this before, but you're welcome to post questions any time you come up with them. **

* * *

Me: Hola, and welcome to another episode of... eh... I don't have a title for this, do you?

Peru: No. And please don't say "Hola" ever again, it kind of hurts hearing Spanish being butchered.

Me: Seriously, why are you so mean all the time? T_T

Peru: I'm not. Moving on. Today we have questions from Mizuki-Ariaki - would you please quit staring at me like that!

Me: Meanie... meanie... ;_;

Peru: [ignoring] So, the first question, then...

_1) Hey Peru what about the Nazca lines, what they mean._

Peru: Frankly, I have no idea. They were made by the Nazcas about 500 years before even my father was around, so I guess even he wouldn't know anything about them. There are lots of popular theories about them though. Some really creepy guy once told me they were fertility symbols. And then he asked me in a very weird way if I believed it.

Me: Sounds like he was trying to-

Peru: Don't say it. It was probably Spain in disguise.

Me: What? I'm sure Spain wouldn't go so far as to... O_O

Peru: With a face like that, how can you be certain?

Me: Eh? *imagines smiley Spain*

Peru: ...Never mind. But the lines are too old for anyone to be sure. Most people agree though that they have something to do with Nazca rituals. Such as god worship, or irrigation, or (this one's really weird) a variation of a loom that happens to be shaped like that for ritualistic purposes.

Me: O_o

Peru: Yeah. I know._  
_

_2) I herd that Coca is used for treating pain that is true_

Peru: Yes, it's true. Coca leaves are chewed to relieve pain and fatigue.

Me: Is it the cocaine that does that?

Peru: ... Maybe.

Me: Then it's bad for you, isn't it?

Peru: ...Stop comparing it to that filth those white people have. Coca is nothing like that. =_=

Me: I wasn't! I was just asking! D:

Peru: Fine. Researchers say it's probably because of the cocaine. There, are you happy? Have you sullied that cultural item of mine enough? *glares*

Me: Sorry... :(_  
_

_3) Have you eaten an armadillo, what is the strangest meal that you have. Here in Mexico the most strange that you will have is mosquito eggs, I am not joking._

Me: A-armadillo? O_O

Peru: Armadillo? D:

Me: O_O

Peru: No, I can't say I have. And - wait, mosquito eggs? How do you collect that, even?

Me: O_O

Peru: You'd have to scour an entire pond to get enough for one serving...

Me: O_O

Peru: My gosh, that certainly is exotic! :D

Me: O_O

Peru: ...Are you done?

Me: O_O B-BUT MY TEACHER HAS AN ARMADILLO! O_O

Peru: WH-WHAT? OAO

Me: Yeah! A stuffed one!

Peru: Oh. -.-

Me: Poor armadillo... ;_;

Peru: Don't mind her. Culture shock, you know. Anyway, to answer your question... we eat guinea pigs. They're fun to play with when they're little.

America: O_O

Peru: Oh no, not you too. Go away, what are you doing here in the first place?

America: Y-y-you... eat... g-g-g-g-guinea p-p-pigs?

Peru: Oh, shut up. -.-

Me: I saw it on TV once! This weird guy was in some South American village and there was a lady selling a guinea pig as food! It bit him! :D

Peru: Serves him right.

America: O_

Peru: *kicks America out*

Me: Anyway, I have to go prepare for my graduation ceremony now, so see you all next time! :D

Peru: I'm going with her, unfortunately...

[lights fade very quickly as Lili and RayRay runs off to eat dinner]

* * *

**Sorry it was rushed this time, but graduation ceremonies are once in a lifetime! And don't forget, questions are welcome at any time! Okay, I really gotta go now.**

**Oh, and from Chapter 150 onwards I'll be doing mass letter updates to take some of the pain out of navigating from chapter to chapter.**


	151. Spain 33, Romano 37, Munich 5, Italy 33

**Mass updates from now on. I gotta work on my other fics soon... D:**

**As for my graduation ceremony, it was... okay. But I was really sleepy the whole time and when I went to collect my certificate I forgot to listen to what the announcer lady was saying. Then again, so did everyone else.  
**

* * *

**Spain**

Yo Peru!

Dad fell asleep writin' this so I'm here to take over!

Hey, have you ever wondered why Spanish guitars are so amazing? They're like-epic. Yeah, dramatic. I wanna travel back in time to Dad's time as a Conquistador...

That would be AMAZING. You shoul help me.

Adios

Sevilla

۞

Hola Sevilla,

Spanish guitars? N-no, I've never wondered that... Panama's sister uses guitars as weapons and they... unnerve me a little.

But I don't want to help you! You'll lose faith in him or something if you find out what sorts of things he did! That wouldn't be very good, s-so let bygones be bygones... yes? =)

Peru

* * *

**Romano**

Pfft... Give him a clown face. That'd be nice.

... Nice simile. Think America had something to do with it?

۞

A clown face. Say, that's a brilliant idea! I'll have to buy more lipstick after I'm done though.

Wahahaha, I love it when he struggles. Whoops, that line wasn't supposed to go there...

...

...A zombie. Let's say he's a zombie clown. =_=

Of course America had something to do with it. Where else do you get super-beefy beef with potentially dangerous additives?

**(Canada.)**

Now for the mascara... and... there! How do those pictures look?

* * *

**Munich**

Dear Peru.

Good luck.

*shudders* One time I made Sicily cry... Not fun. At all. If you value your life, NEVER upset Romano's family. TT A TT

Can you email pictures? It might make Bruder Ludwig feel better... He's been very sick recently because of an E. Coli outbreak...

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. Aw... Well, still spread the word, bitte. I don't really like my bruder Hamburg, so this'll be perfect.

۞

Dear Munich,

He's scheduled to arrive soon. I should go to the airport to meet him. But I don't wanna.

But I have to. =A=

Okay, but please don't tell me his family is huge and extends from sea to sea to shining sea or something like that...

Chile in a cocktail dress would make Senor Germany feel better? He's into some pretty weird stuff, isn't he...

Peru

P.S.: Well, Chile knows now. But I think he's more concerned with getting out of the dress. Here, have a whole drove of photos I just took! :D

**(Canada's motto: "From sea to sea". Sometimes stated as "From sea to shining sea". A while ago, proposed to be changed into, "From sea to sea to sea" due to the Arctic Ocean. Thus that reference in the letter.)**

* * *

**Italy**

Ciao Huayna!

Nope! But I don't mind America! I think he's funny! Well Canada's only being scary to Prussia right now because Prussia made it look like the brownies were from him!

Si! Maybe I do need to! I'll talk to fratello about it!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

۞

Hola Senor Feliciano,

There are two definitions for the word "funny"...

Tsk tsk, Prussia. Again? Hasn't he learned his lesson by now? By the way - oh yeah, I think i already mentioned that thing about turning him over if I catch him. Never mind, then.

Better talk to him soon. Date-rape drugs can turn up anywhere. Trust me. She could be extending an arm through your window and dumping them into your food at this very moment... D:

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Must sleep now... or work on my fics. **

**...Or fill in that job application form I was supposed to fill in on Monday.**

**...Fics.**


	152. Spain,Philippines, Romano, Munich, Italy

**Listening to Seven Colors of Hetalia is fun. But also kind of irritating because I made a few screw-ups while synthesizing the singing. **

**Lithuania sounds very feminine at the end. I don't know if I should laugh or desperately try to fix it. And Spain sounds like Russia. O_O**

* * *

**Spain 34  
**

Peru,

...he won't wake up. I keep kicking him cause I'm hungry and he keeps growling at me to, and I quote: "Cállate Sevilla y van hacer su propia comida maldita. Estoy cansado, me deja dormir por una vez en mi vida miserable."

Well you should. Spanish guitars are beautiful sounding.

But you should. I was alive back then, I vaugely remember how crazed he was. I wanna see it face first, you know? Tia Siliva and him were talking about it the other day...think she'll help?

Sevilla

۞

Sevilla,

Maybe it would be best for you to leave him alone... he's been through a lot, after all.

Well, if you say so...

No. As the receiving end of some of that brutality, I can tell you it's not like watching a movie about daisy-picking. It's more like a documentary on the Holocaust... featuring people you know.

I'd suggest you not ask Portugal either. It might give Brazil nightmares.

Peru

* * *

**Philippines 5  
**

Kamusta Peru! :D

Sorry it took me so long to reply... My boss just asked me all of a sudden to investigate something in my provinces so I had to leave right away. It's all done and taken care of so I'm back in my house again :)

I'm glad you're better now. Honestly, the French and the amnesia were really creeping me out. Next time please take better care of your health, a lot of us like Panama and Puerto Rico were very worried.

Don't worry, if I ever meet France I'll whack him for you *dark aura*

Did Panama or the others invite you to the reunion yet? I kinda forgot to mention it in my last letter, sorry. We haven't really planned it out yet but I hope it pushes through. I want to meet all my siblings via Spain ^w^

With love,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. I sent some papayas this time XDDD

۞

Hola Maria,

It's no problem. Welcome back! How was it? Nothing too stressful, I hope.

I will. Sorry about making you guys worry. :( That's the last time I ever say bad things about Bolivia while she's around...

Oops. She's "around" right now. I'm going to stop.

Many thanks. Don't forget to aim below the belt! :D

Oh yes, I heard about the reunion. Mexico said he'll be bringing a pinata **(Oh my god why am I too lazy to put the accent in?)** in the shape of a certain blond jerk with glasses and an annoying voice. I've offered to cook, since there's not much else I can do anyway. Besides torture Chile and Ecuador, I mean.

Sincerely,

Peru

P.S.: China came by and put them into his congee! I almost didn't recognize them! ;_; But they tasted good in the congee too.

**(It's a true story. When I went back to China over the holidays, my aunt offered me some soup/congee thing with orange lumps in it. At first I thought they were persimmons, but the term they were referring to it by _wasn't_ "persimmons" so I had to ask my mom what it was in English.**

**It's okay! You can send talk show prompts (questions and the like) anytime you think of them. :D)**

* * *

**Romano 38  
**

O_O You should hack his Hetabook and put these up there.

Currently trying not to die.

۞

I should. I'll get Senor Estonia to help me later...

But why are you dying? Did someone hurt you? Why did that sound strangely like Senor Feliciano?

Oh shit, Chile's crying! What do I do now? O_O

**(Don't wanna! There're difficult questions on there! I might've learned to B.S. in IB, but that doesn't mean I'll do it willingly!)**

* * *

**Munich 6  
**

Dear Peru,

There there...

No, but they're still pretty big. I think he may consider you family to some extent...

You have no idea... But I just thought it might make him laugh. Bruder needs to loosen up once in awhile, ja? It might do him some good to see something funny.

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. ... He does not look like a happy nation.

۞

Dear Munich,

I'm picking him up. In fact, I have to leave in just a few minutes. Urgh. =_=

He does? I'm touched. But also kind of aggravated, because that means he considers Chile family too... and Ecuador.

I suppose so. Are you sure he's not just having fun imagining Senor Feliciano in the dress, though?

Peru

P.S.: He's not. He's crying. I don't know if I should comfort him or just maim his dignity some more.

* * *

**Italy 34  
**

Ciao Huayna!

There are? What are they? I only know one!

Si! It was him! I don't know why he did that though!

Si! I will! It sounds really scary!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

((we don't make very good role models do we? XD))

۞

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Well, there's the "strange" funny and the "ha-ha" funny, as a certain annoying Hetalia fan put it... I vote for Option #1.

I bet Prussia is secretly trying to take over the world. He made those brownies look like they were from Senor Canada in case his plan fails and he needs an escape plan. Well, it didn't work. Here, have an elephant gun. When you see him, fire with this thing and you'll never get trouble from him ever again. If you know what I mean. =D

Thank goodness. And remember not to go outside alone...

Peru

**(Nah, I think this method works better. In a few more weeks, it'll be easier to navigate like this.)**

* * *

**Canada's voice... is the voice of my first UTAU voicebank. It's eerie how much he sounds like me - I mean, I sound like him. I have a coat that's roughly the same color as Canada's too, and my physics teacher used to constantly forget my name. Oh, joy. =_=**

**Speaking of Joy, I shouldn't've clapped for her at all during the graduation ceremony. Unfortunately, I'd promised myself to applaud every person I knew who walked down that stage. I wish I didn't know her. :(**


	153. Romano, Munich, Italy, Puerto Rico

**TURTLE! :D**

* * *

**Romano 39  
**

S-sorry, I was just laughing too hard to breathe properly. Pfft...

If he's crying, take a few more pictures before getting him out of that thing.

۞

Oh, that's fine then. Maybe a glass of water will help you breathe again.

Uh oh. Chile's boss came to find him. O_O

* * *

**Munich 7  
**

Dear Peru,

I dunno, I'm just guessing from the way he went and helped rescued you from France the fuckface.

O.e UNWANTED MEMORIES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Munich

P.S. Comfort him a little... It's the mature thing to do.

۞

Dear Munich,

Hmm, you have a point. And that's a rather creative title for France. From now on, he shall officially be known as France the fuckface.

Oh! Sorry! Um... Well, that strange guest I've been telling you about finally arrived, and apparently I got myself trapped in some kind of cultural exchange program. Which means I'll have to go to his place too, oh joy. It's Haiti.

Guess what Haiti brought~! It starts with B, has two words and rhymes with "teach"! Here, I'm sending you some.

Peru

P.S.: I would, but it's kind of funny watching his own boss laugh at him...

* * *

**Italy 35  
**

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, ok! So which one is America?

He is? VE~ that's scary! Is it like me when I play Risk?

I won't! Ludwig said he'll protect me from her!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

۞

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Option #1, of course.

Well, we don't know yet what Prussia is up to, but it can't be anything good. In the meantime, keep an eye on him, and report any suspicious activity to the authorities. Remember, world domination by Prussia is 100% preventable!

Is he? But I thought Senor Germany wasn't feeling well... In any case, don't make his job harder than it should be. I'll send some medicine to help him feel better so he can protect you from her.

Oh yeah, and Haiti sends you his regards. He's staying at my house for a few weeks thanks to his crazy doctor.

Peru

**(Have you noticed I have a habit of misinterpreting things? XD)**

* * *

**Puerto Rico 5**

Peru,

Oi, lo siento, man. I meant to check up on you. How's everything now?

For Estados Unidos, I did that yesterday. For Argentina, sure. ...But what the hell is the Thousand Years of Death?

You know the Italy Brothers? You know about their curls? Yeah, it's their erogenous zones.

P-Please do...i-if you hear a 'Ohonhonhon~'...RUN DAMMIT!

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

۞

Hola Enrique,

Things are going great. I regained my memories, got out of that godforsaken hospital, watched France the fuckface get his just desserts, and, best of all, I captured Chile today and put him in a dress! And his own boss is laughing at him right now! Here, I saved a couple of photos for you.

If you're getting inspiration to do the same thing to Estados Unidos... send me the pictures from that too! :D Oh, he might need something bigger than a Size 8...

The Thousand Years of Death, eh? Well, first you clasp your hands together... interlock your fingers... then you extend your index fingers and middle fingers so they're pointing out... then you sneak up on the poor unsuspecting victim while they're bent over...

Then you stick your fingers up their ass.

It's gross, yes, but I think a guy like Argentina definitely deserves it...

So it's because of them that people keep thinking they'll molest me by touching my hair? Wait, they're trying to molest me? O_O

Oh... France the fuckface's signature laugh. This person beside be says that if you find that ten-minute challenge on Youtube and play it on five tabs at once, he sounds like a flock of geese ._.

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Apparently my mom likes to rub it in my face that other people are better than me. Under the pretense of remarking on how glorious and oh-so-gracious other people are. I knew the moment the graduation ceremony started yesterday that this was going to happen. I was actually kind of hoping it wouldn't. But she started it, and now she's blaming _me_ for not listening to her? Sacrilege. If this is how it is then she'll drive my little sister to suicide later on.**

**When I visit them over Christmas, I should prattle on and on about how great other people's parents are. Hmph.**


	154. Romano, Munich, Italy, Spain

**Romano 40**

I-I think I'm good now. xD

Oh... Still funny.

۞

Oh yes. You bet it is.

Too bad Haiti's kind of standing here staring at us like we've gone mad. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, he came over as per his therapist's instructions.

* * *

**Munich 8**

Dear Peru,

You should thank Romano for that one. He's the one that came up with it, unsurprisingly.

:'D Haiti and you are both life savers.

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. ... I feel bad now. I'm laughing at him, too.

۞

Dear Munich,

I'll be sure to write him a thank-you note then.

Oh. W-well, thanks. Um... I hope the brain bleach works.

Peru

P.S.: Don't feel bad. He deserves everything.

* * *

**Italy 36**

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, ok! I think he's the second one!

Si! I will! Should we ask him if he is?

Well I think that other people are mad at her too! But don't worry! I'm going to make sure that I don't bother him! and I think he'll really appreciate the medicine!

Oh, tell him I said ciao! But why is he staying at your house?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

۞

Hola Senor Feliciano,

But... America is so... un-funny. And he can never read the atmosphere. Partly because the book is in Quechua~ :D

No, not really. I'm just kidding.

If someone's trying to take over the world, the first thing they'll do is eliminate the smart-asses who figure out the plan, so I think we should just keep quiet about it and observe him from a distance...

I'd be surprised if there'd be anyone _not_ angry at her after hearing what she's been doing.

Haiti's staying over because his therapist told him to. That's all I'm concerned with, anyway. But he keeps scaring me with his French. It reminds me of his 'dad'. By the way, has France been flogged to within an inch of his life yet?

Peru

**(S'okay! When in doubt, be ambiguous like Japan!)**

* * *

**Spain 35**

Peru,

But I'm hungry, dammit! And he's the best cook in the house. Wake up dammit, wake up! Do you think I care that he's been through a lot? No, I don't. He's supposed to take care of me, dammit!

I do say so, dammit.

Hmm? You think I wasn't? Oh please. Who do you think took the brunt of his frustration when his colonies wouldn't behave? Us. Yeah, so I know what he was like-and I liked it. He wasn't as laid-back and spacey-more vicious and determined.

Pfft.

Sevilla

۞

Sevilla,

Boy, what an attitude you've got there. An elephant gun aimed in the right place might fix that...

Oh crap. I'm out of ammunition. Aren't we lucky today, Sevilla. =)

Well. If you want to see Spain torture the indigenous peoples, shoot them for fun, exploit their resources, work them to death, destroy their culture and overall treat them like dirt, go ahead. But I will have you know I am taking no part in this. You'd have better luck converting that shithead Pizarro into a pagan.

Good day.

Peru

**(Oh boy, he's finally snapped. Are you scared? I'm scared... D: )**

* * *

**Right. Time to print out that application form. Darn parents and their darn scholarship crap... Just because other people got money does not mean you have to whip me like a horse _now_ and vy for more scholarships... What a bunch of hypocrites. Just you wait. After university I'm moving to Peru and never coming back.**

**Peru: GET OUTTA MY HOUSE! D8  
**


	155. Mexico, Puerto Rico, Panama

**Mexico 20  
**

Perú

I am not drunk Dr Gonzales took out all my tequila, what an evil man

Wow, maybe I should try it

Thank you, I am wondering do you know what is yaoi, the Catrina or Death says that I look totally like a character for a Doujinshi yaoi.

Russia has a fucked up history, I have a fucked up history but condensed in one hundred years.

Yeah, he wants to live in somewhere as warm as here, he loves the sunflowers and says that I have a lot of resources that I could use to conquer the world

México

۞

Mexico,

Being drunk isn't good anyway, but how could he take _all_ of it away? That [censored]! Here, I'm sending you some chicha to keep your spirits up! It's newly brewed; I think you'll like it.

Y... Yaoi? O_O Um... i-it's, uh... y-you know how Spain and Senor Romano have this, uh... thing for each other? And sometimes it becomes... R-rated?

Y-yeah. That's yaoi.

Unless they're secretly super-hairy, super-muscular men underneath their shirts, in which case that would be something known as "bara".

By the way, never ask Japan that question. He showed me some sample works. O_o Oh well, at least he didn't _demonstrate_ it or something.

That conquering the world thing seems like a very Russia thing to say... lock the doors and windows, David, he's coming to steal your stuff. With a water pipe. D:

Peru

**(Don't listen to Peru. He's always this paranoid about theft.)**

* * *

**Puerto Rico 6  
**

Peru,

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh I'm keeping these! Precious blackmail material!

Yes! I'll send you some photos if I succeed!

...Really? That is gross...

Whatever. Big Bro probably deserves it. Where is he?

Pretty much. I'm glad I don't have a curl or something!

Francia got beat up...YES! I heard, and I wished I was there. Sweet, sweet revenge...

You have it all on camera?

I'm not gonna watch it. B-Bad memories hombre, b-bad m-m-memories.

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

۞

Hola Enrique,

I'm glad you like them! I'll take a bunch more before I help him out of the dress... oh look, his mascara is running.

Yes, yes! You should definitely try it! That blond jerk won't know what hit him...

It _is_. When I say "up", I mean _up_ up, not _in_ up, by the way... Heaven forbid those fingers should actually go _in_... O_O

Oh gods. Brain bleach time.

Argentina's at home, I think. Teaching Liga Federal to call Panama a midget and harassing Senor Falklands to no end.

You don't have weird hair-appendages on your head? How lucky! I wish I didn't, but that would mean getting rid of Loreto. And I'm not letting it go, especially not to Ecuador. (How dare he try and seize it in the first place.)

Unfortunately, no one recorded France getting beat up. If you desperately want a video, though, you could check with the hospital staff. They might've put a security camera in the room.

...You have bad memories about geese? D:

Sincerely,

Peru

* * *

**Panama 12 (Hey look, it's his age! :D)  
**

Peru,

Yea... Argie and Vene don't stop picking on me just because of my height... And PLEASE! I have blackmail on Vene, but I need something on Argie too! Please tell me! ^^

What? Ecuador doesn't have any national parks? -; Can't see anything positive about that... and I'm good at being positive. Go ahead, call him and give him a piece of our minds! Maybe he'll make one later!

...huh... Peru? Can I stay at your house for a few days? ...My sister Annabelle traumatized big brother Mexico... and she is in a mood that resembles Russia's...

...I don't want to be near her now... plus she's evil when she makes others suffer... Can I stay at your house?... only for a few days... please?...

... I lost optimism...

Triste,

Dani... Panama...

۞

Hola Panama,

Sure thing! Let's see... where to start... well, there was that time I snuck up on him while he was playing with Bolivia's dolls. I also saw him once stuffing balloons under his shirt and pretending to be a girl. He was really scared of thunderstorms (probably still is) and sometimes he... had 'accidents'. One day Chile did the Thousand Years of Death to him and he squealed like a girl. The next one's kind of disturbing so cover your eyes if necessary: I caught him masturbating in the shower. While calling out Chile's name. And Senor Falklands'. And Uruguay's. And Paraguay's. And... Spain's. Luckily that was it, or I would've kicked him to kingdom come (...OH MY GOD. SORRY. Pun not intended) and appointed another Argentina.

Ecuador is a terrible kid. I ought to beat him with a switch. Extra points if he made the switch himself.

Hmm, that's a nice tree I've got growing outside. Very flexible branches...

He's got no room to make any parks, though. Ass his space has been eaten up by the Amazon. And me. Hahahaha~

Of course you can stay over! Good lord, is she tormenting you again? Well, I've got Haiti over as well, so it'll be like a sleepover party or something. I've also got a new batch of chicha ready to be served! But bring something to defeat the basement monster, if you can.

Don't let this get you down! I'm sure she'll be back to normal in no time! Unless... unless her 'normal' is even worse than this... D:

I'll be home all day, so just come by anytime.

Peru

**(Oh gods. Argentina. Ick.)**


	156. Philippines, Romano, Munich

**My mom says when I get a job I can have a turtle. Guess who went to Tim Hortons today? =A=**

* * *

**Philippines 6  
**

Hi Peru,

I won't bore you with details but apparently many fish were dying because of lack of oxygen due to the climate change. I guess you could ay I was stressed at first but when we found the source of the problem the rest was easy to solve :D Global warming sucks =3=

*sweat drop* Umm don't you think it would be easier not to say anything bad at about her at all? I'm sure I would be really mad if someone did that to me...

*blinks* Huh? A lot of you guys seem to hate Kuya Alfred... I know he's annoying but I don't think he's that bad. I actually lived in his place for a bit when I was still a commonwealth of the U.S.

You'll cook? Yay~! I haven't tried any Peruvian dishes yet :D

Umm... I hope you don't mind me asking but do you think we should invite Spain? I kinda want to since he is the reason why we're all related in the first place but I have a feeling this wouldn't be a good idea...

Really? I'll try it next time I visit Chinatown :)

Sincerely,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. I sent some watermelons now

۞

Hola Maria,

Fish dying? That's not good. It's happening in other parts of the world too; I heard from Senor British Columbia that his salmon was suffering from heatstroke... if that's possible.

Normally I don't, but I was... under the influence of alcohol. _European_ alcohol. Guess who's never going to a bar ever again. -.-

Yes, a lot of us do dislike him. You probably just didn't see his dumb side while you were there. Let's just say that we indios and mestizos don't appreciate his people's attitude toward us.

Well, you're about to! I just hope Chile behaves himself...

I already asked Spain, actually, but he said he was too busy. As usual. -.-

Ah, but that thing China made isn't sold in stores or restaurants or anything; it's just some quick at-home sort of thing. But I'll ask him to make you some if you want! :D

Peru

P.S.: Isn't this interesting. The annoying Hetalia fan whose mind I live in came home today with... chili. I'll have to get her for that.

**(That's cool! My chemistry teacher is quarter Filipino and somehow inspired half the class to start learning Tagalog. Wish I were more than just Chinese, Chinese and more Chinese though...)**

* * *

**Romano 41  
**

**(Inspired by our awesome PM rp-ing, where Romano gets tied up and humiliated by Yuri n' Chuka and Peru~)**

Peru! I swear, if you don't save me from this crazy bitch, I WILL get in contact with Spain and let HIM deal with her. Not fun for her or you!

۞

But Spain is sleeping~

You wouldn't want to disturb him, would you?~

Besides, this is fun~

And I'm sure he'd like to see you in this lovely pink dress I've procured~

* * *

**Munich 9  
**

**(I feel kind of sick for even putting that in there. Who came up with that phrase anyway?)**

Dear Peru,

It must be nice that he'll talk to you without cursing... At least he doesn't call me names like he does to my bruders.

Danke~ I'll send you some a Bavaria's best in return!

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. ... Why is there a random girl dragging a hogtied Romano after her. And yelling at him in... Spanish? *confused* B-but... She's not Hispanic. At all. She's pale as hell.

۞

Dear Munich,

But he does swear at us... just not as much. He probably doesn't call you names because you're a girl.

Oh, I've never had one of those before. It sounds yummy though!

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: That's my cue to join in. But don't judge; South America has lots of white people too, you know.

* * *

**Haiti: _Bonjour tout le monde! Je m'appelle Haiti, et-_**

**Peru: Stop it. Don't scare them with your French. **

**Haiti: It's not my fault that crazy blond man is such a pervert! But anyway, *turns to audience* I'm here to introduce myself! My name is Xavier Lavigne, and I represent the Republic of Haiti. I'm fourteen, black, and kind of small for my age. But I'm still taller than Peru, haha!**

**Peru: =_= Not appreciated, Frenchie. Keep this up and I might maroon you on the Chincha Islands.**

**Haiti: My crazy therapist decided I could do with more social interactions and deployed me to Peru's place. I'll be here for a few weeks, and then i have to take Peru to my place! It'll be so fun! :D**

**Peru: ...And here we see exactly why you _have_ a therapist in the first place.**

**Haiti: A-anyway... ahahaha... s-see you around... ^_^;  
**


	157. Italy, Spain, Mexico

**I... am busing home after prom. How ghetto. -.-**

**On the other hand, my friend is too. **

* * *

**Italy 37  
**

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, the book's there! I'll go tell him about it! We've been looking for that book for a while!

Ve~ that's scary! Ok! We can just watch for now? Should we ask someone to help us?

Well I guess so! Nicaragua said that she's going to go after her with a bat if she tries anything!

Well, I don't know if that's happened to Big Brother France! Do you want me to ask him?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

۞

_Hi Italy! Um, Peru told me not to scare people by speaking French... _

_It's Haiti! Chile turned into a blubbering sobbing wreck so Peru had to comfort him and send him home. So he left me in charge of the house! His house is scary. There are llama tracks on the floor!_

_What book? You mean the atmosphere? Peru doesn't have it. It's, uh... Well, I think you'd better ask M. Germany._

_Oh! Right! No French! D:_

_Help with what? Is this that Prussia-watching Peru was telling me about? I think you should get some help. Prussia can get ve~ry scary when he's mad. And trust me, he _will_ be mad when he finds out you guys are spying on him...  
_

_Nicaragua's going after _who_? D:_

_I d-don't think you should ask F-France anything. ._._

_Sincerely,_

_Haiti~_

**(Don't worry! You can borrow it from the library! XD)**_  
_

* * *

**Spain 36  
**

Peru,

I take pride in my attitude, so ha! Wait, pardon me?

...no, you're damn lucky. Stupid Peru. What would Papa say if he were awake, hm?

Anyway-it's not like Papa will willing go back to those days. He told me so himself when I asked about it. I hope you know, you ungrateful nation/person/thing that Papa regrets every last thing he did to you and your siblings in America del sur. So there you go.

I'm going to go wake him up now.

Sevilla

۞

_Hi Seville,_

_You sound very, er... snarky. What were you and Peru talking about anyway? Oh, never mind, he just came home. I'll go ask him._

_... _

_He's in a bad mood. I told him it was you and it only got worse. Did you do something to upset him? D:_

_Now he's grumbling about Westerners and their sorry excuses and pathetic apologies and something about cheesecake and owls... hold on._

You. I don't care if Spain _does_ regret all of that. Apologizing doesn't bring people back from the dead. So th - damn you, Haiti, let me g

_Ahahaha... he's really grumpy... Sorry... What're you trying to do anyway? Peru said something about time travel and sacrilege (as usual, so I assume that bit can be ignored...). It's not some crazy plan to go back in time and take pictures of dinosaurs, is it?_

_Okay, have fun waking him up!_

_Haiti_

* * *

**Mexico 21  
**

Perú

Thanks to Annabelle I am giving up with women

You do not need to explain me anymore.

One question, WHY THE HELL YOU KNOW THAT

I am so pathetically innocent than even someone that looks like a twelve year old knows more than me

It can not be worst than Annabelle. And I think that practical demonstrations are for Greece.

I can handle Rusia.

Mexico

۞

Hola Mexico,

Annabelle? What'd she do? I heard from Panama it was something frightening but I didn't get the details.

Ahaha... I know it because... because... because Japan said Senora Hungary was a _fujoshi_. So Japan explained that a _fujoshi_ is someone who is into yaoi. And then I asked him what yaoi was.

By the way, he keeps a secret stash of yaoi doujinshi in his suitcase. ._.

It's all right. I'm not actually twelve. Don't feel bad.

If you can handle Russia, you can do something few nations can. I'm jealous... D:

Peru

* * *

**Turns out, I'm NOT busing home tomorrow. Bummer - I-I mean, great! Wonderful! =D**

**For my next project - Ievan Polkka, the non-remix! And you know what that means? Finnish using a Japanese voicebank, woot! As long as it doesn't turn out like this guy here:**

http: / / www. youtube. com/ watch? v= GqNXDULoPog


	158. Mexico, Romano, Munich, Italy

**Mexico 22  
**

Perú

Haiti is there.

Hey Haiti, is there by any chance that your therapist is called Dr Gonzales, if there is then

HEY YOU HAVE THE SAME SADIST THERAPIST THAT I HAVE

México

_Hi Mexico! _

_How's it going over there? And no, my therapist is some crazy French person with a mohawk. But I believe he has a cousin in Mexico..._

_...Say, you don't think they're working together on this, do you? D:_

_Haiti_

* * *

**Romano 42  
**

C'mon, what'd I do wrong? What'd I do to deserve this?

... I really hate you. WHY the FUCK do you have a replica of my servant's dress!

But this is fun! Don't you agree? :D

This thing? I found it in Spain's closet...

* * *

**Munich 10  
**

Dear Peru,

Well, that's nice of him...?

It's beir, and it's good. Don't let the Italians tell you otherwise~

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. But... She looks like me. And Romano's yelling the word "Tica". What does that mean?

Dear Munich,

Of course it's nice. If you're a girl.

Why do Italians not like beer? It's great! Maybe they're jealous?

Peru

P.S.: We have blond-haired blue-eyed people here too. As for "Tica", um... I have no idea. But good luck figuring it out! :D

* * *

**Italy 38  
**

Ciao Haiti!

Huh? Why would it scare me?

That's really nice of you to take care of his house!

Si! Oh, he doesn't have it? Ok! I'll ask Ludwig about it!

Si! It's the Prussia watching! Huayna thinks that he might act like how I do when I play Risk and try to take over the world! Ok! We'll get some help!

She said that she's going after this scary girl named Lizveth!

Huh? Why? It's just Big Brother France!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

_Hi Italy! :D_

_I dunno! That's what I asked Peru, but he insisted there would be no French in his house! Maybe he hates France for some reason?_

_It's no problem! His house is a huge mess so it's not like I can leave it anyway. I'd get lost. _

_...You played Risk and tried to take over the world? ._._

_Who's Lizveth? She sounds like a stalker though. _

_It's not _just_ "Big Brother France"... it's France the pervert. France who will touch you in weird places - and then some. France who has crazy little short emperors called Napoleon or something. I don't like him very much, and neither do my friends._

_Haiti_

**(You'll end up with a book about the Earth's atmosphere or something. XD)**

* * *

**Ievan Polkka is coming along beautifully! Unfortunately... can you read this? "Nuapurista kuulu se polokan tahti/ Jalakani pohjii kutkutti.****" Yeah. Me neither. And that was the _easy_ stuff. So now I'm doing everything by ear, thanks to some Loituma videos I found on Youtube. **

**If this ends up sounding like Kagimine Len's version, I will hurl my mimosa out the window.**_  
_


	159. Spain, Philippines, Romano, Munich

**I've officially been kicked off my old computer. How will I find that weirdo Arabic Star of Whatever symbol I was using as a section break now? New Microsoft Word makes no sense at all whatsoever...**

* * *

**Spain 37  
**

Haiti and Peru,

I'm so sorry for Sevilla...he really is snarky-and he and I had a very..."animated" conversation on manners.

I'm really, really sorry...

Spain

**[This is the section break that should've been but isn't.]**

_Hi Spain! _

_I still don't get what's going on! Whatever it is, I forgive you. But Peru seems thoroughly upset with this whole thing and he went off to sulk. I think that's him in the kitchen baking something right now._

_Ooh, baking? I think I'll join him. Talk to you later!  
_

_Haiti_

* * *

**Philippines 7  
**

Dear Peru,

Poor Mr. British Colombia... My fish died because of lack of oxygen but his managed to get heart stroke as well!

Alcohol can be fine sometimes (I actually wouldn't mind some beer myself ^_^) but try not to drink too much, it's bad for the liver.

Nah, I'm pretty sure I saw his dumb side when I was there but I don't think he's that bad. He's just really annoying, loud, messy, ruined my chances of independence against Spain, dragged me into WW2, caused my house to become a battlefield and my capital to be the most destroyed in Asia due to the massive bombings and massacres by the American and Japanese soldiers...

... But at least his tourists give me a pretty good income and he does trade with me a lot :DDD

Chile...? Sorry to ask again but is Chile a hermana or hermano?

Oh well. that's too bad but I don't think many of you like him very much so it's for the best, I guess :)

Huh? You have one those aph fangirls around too? Mine is okay but she's kinda weird... Is there something wrong with the chili? I don't get what's wrong...

Signed,

Maria

The Philippines

**[Yay, another section break! Not. -.-]**

_Hi Philippines!_

_It's Haiti! I'm at Peru's house right now! You won't believe it, but he's making a cake! He's a good cook :3_

_I wanted to help, but he's making me stand by the sidelines instead. It's boring. _

Hola Maria. Don't blame me. I told him the recipe called for two eggs and he dropped them in whole. Shells and all. I'm still fishing the pieces out. =_=

About that salmon thing; this annoying Hetalia fan of mine heard about it on the news a few years ago. It was kind of weird but there were definitely fewer fish than before.

Liver? What liver?

_Maybe she's talking about foie gras._

I doubt it.

_Meh. Hey, is she talking about America?_

Yup. American tourists are gross. They come with their cameras and other gross crap and put their icky hands and feet all over my beloved Macchu Picchu. Someday, I'm going over to his place, digging up his George Washington or whatever his name was, and hauling his stinky corpse off for "research". That's what they've been doing here, anyway.

_Aww, don't be so grumpy..._

No, you.

Chile is... probably both, after I put him in the dress. And he screams like a girl when he's scared. But most of the time he's a hermano. And that chili thing...

_Chili? In French_

Stop it with your stupid French already!

_No, YOU. In French it also refers to Chile..._

In Spanish "chile" is "chili". So there.

Signed_/Signed,_

_Haiti_

Peru

**(We think our teacher is cool too. Except when he gives us homework. But then he never expects us to do it anyway... :D)**_  
_

* * *

**Romano 43  
**

No I don't agree!

... You what? ._. Why the hell would he have that?

**[Arabic Star of Whatever thingy it was, I miss you! T_T]**

_Hi Romano! It's Haiti! :D_

_What are you not agreeing to? :0_

Shh, don't bother him. He's going through rough times right now.

_Why are you smiling like you know what's going on?_

...No comment. As for why Spain has that dress... why don't you ask him yourself? :3

_Spain has a dress? O_O_

* * *

**Munich 11  
**

Dear Peru,

^_^;;; I suppose you're right.

... I think you just became my new favorite person.

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. I looked it up, and it means "flower" in... Quechua? *shrugs* At least she's having fun.

**[It's my birthday today! :D]**

Dear Munich,

_Hiiiiiii! I'm Haiti! Where are you from? I've never seen you at world conferences..._

Go away, idiot. She's a city.

_Oh. :(_

I'm honored to be your new favorite person. But I thought that'd be one of your brothers?

_Ooh! It's a birthday card! Who're you sending this too? :D_

G-GO AWAY! OAO

Signed,

Peru _AND HAITI TOO, DON'T FORGET! GEEZ!  
_


	160. Italy, Mexico, Puerto Rico

**Italy 39  
**

Ciao Haiti!

Well he did say that Big Brother France tried to do something really mean to him! Maybe that's it!

Wow! That's what Ludwig says about my house! He gets really mad when I don't keep it clean!

..si…That's why I'm not allowed to play it!

I think she is one! So Ludwig helped me get a restraining order!

He does? He's never done that to me!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

**۞ (Special thanks to KazeRose for pointing out something so obvious I am still banging my head against the wall over it! XD Oh, Peru just handed me a dunce cap.)  
**

_Hi Italy! _

_Oh. That makes a lot more sense now..._

_You don't keep your house clean? That's terrible! But this is even worse! I just saw a dust bunny humping another dust bunny! O_O_

It was your imagination, you dumbass. Leave the dust bunnies alone.

_And guess what? He has guinea pigs in the stable! :D_

_But anyway... a restraining order? Wow, that must be one determined stalker, huh?_

...You've probably just never noticed France's antics, Senor Feliciano. -.-

Signed/_Signed,_

_Haiti_

Peru

**(It would! And I'll throw my plant out the window if my Ievan Polkka project sucks. I don't want to hurt my plant, so I have to make my project good now... D: )**

* * *

**Mexico 23  
**

Perú

She is just being her bitchy self

I better keep away myself from Hungary.

Japan? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE IS ONE OF THEM

But still I am older ne~

I just give a sunflower and a bottle of vodka it is not that hard, and I let him stay... and "THAT" does not know

I am just awesome

Mexico

P.D: Hey do you have a cat version of your country

**۞**

Hola Mexi

_Hi Mexico! :D_

Don't interrupt me, geez!

I see. I feel kind of bad for Panama then...

_Who're you talking about?  
_

Remember Panama's sister?

_..oh... D:_

But there's no way everyone who should stay away from Hungary could possibly do that... some of them are her neighbors. :/

_Haha... sometimes it sucks being a nation. You can't even move away. _

_One of who? Or is it one of those R-rated things I don't want to know about?_

You're better off not knowing.

Well, you're only older by a little bit... *pouts*

I think you should let "THAT" know though. It might give him second thoughts about bothering you.

_What's "THAT"? D:_

Nothing. Don't worry about it.

Signed,

Peru _and HAAAAIIIITI! :D_

P.S.: As far as I know, nope.

**(Nekotalia is so cute! X3)**

* * *

**Puerto Rico 7  
**

Peru,

You are an evil little man. :D

I'm so proud~!

I got them! I got some help from the states and I got them. Here's some copies for you(frilly blue dress provided by California and mi hija San Juan).

OH DIOS! HORRIBLE IMAGE!

Teaching Liga to call /who/ a /what/?

Oh Argentina is going to regret that...

Last time I checked, no.

No, not the geese! France! That d-damn pervert...

Con amor,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

**۞**

Enrique,

I'm not a man... yet. :P

Strangely, Haiti's being reluctant to speak to you. He's been trolling all my other letters so something must be up. I should ask him - WH-WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS?

_H-hi Puerto Rico..._

_P-Peru's kind of, um... not talking to me anymore. I spilled the cake batter on the floor, and then his guinea pigs came in and started eating it... but look! The dust bunnies in his house are humping each other again! Isn't that scary? O_O_

_Argentina's teaching Liga Federal to call Panama a midget! You know, Panama! That isthmus guy with the crazy sister! _

_Wh-what do you mean by "horrible image"? D:_

_France is gross. I hate him. And Napoleon too._

_Haiti_

_P.S.: These pictures... is that who I think it is? Oh my gosh, you guys are awesome! XD_

* * *

**...Anyone else wondering about the truth behind those dust bunnies? They're starting to scare me a little.**

**And the guinea pigs aren't pets, they're food.**

**Well, time to head to my friend's house. Adios all!**


	161. Spain, Romano, Munich

**Insert more OCs! Oh, hooray! Cookies if you can guess from the following two chapters who they are.  
**

**You have been warned: Randomness Alert. By the way, if I'm doing too many of these too frequently, do let me know.  
**

**Things are only going to get worse next chapter... D:  
**

* * *

**Spain 38  
**

Haiti,

I don't even remember what's going on...ahaha...I've been dealing with a war-bent Russia.

...Ahhh, he just bombed Madrid for a second time, I ought to go nuke him...fusososo.

Giver Peru un abrazo from me, please...I feel really bad about Sevilla and his less than pleasent attitude.

Ah, have fun baking, ciao.

Spain

**۞**

_Hi Spain... things aren't much better here either._

_Apparently Peru got really incensed at something Panama's sister wrote, and now he's going to take down Panama with her. But shh! Don't remind him of Seville or he might_

_Too late. Now he's got three people on his hit list. D:_

_Um... is this sort of thing normal for him?..._

_Worried,_

_Haiti_

_P.S.: Baking turned out to be a disaster :(_

* * *

**Romano 44  
**

Uh... Ciao Haiti. How's your home doing since the earthquake last year? *feels kinda of awkward*

I would, but I don't want him to go all pedo rapist on me/get cursed out by his moronic son, Sevilla. Little bastard needs an attitude check and to stop being so asshole-ish to Feliciano.

**۞**

_Hi Romano!_

_Oh, things are going just great. *sarcasm* The rubble hasn't been cleared yet, money isn't getting to those who need it, and did I mention that cholera outbreak? Well, now I did. Ugh, everything's a mess. I'm almost glad that stupid doctor sent me out of the country._

_Almost._

_But maybe if you asked him very nicely while Seville wasn't around, you'd get away with it. It's worth a try, I suppose...  
_

* * *

**Munich 12  
**

Dear Peru and... Haiti?

I'm one of Germany's cities. And actually, no. We typically don't get along that one, my family and I. The only siblings I can actually stand are Luddy, GilGil, and Berlin. And Berlin's just to an extent on occasion. At least I don't get into fights with anyone but Hamburg... Bastard.

A birthday card? Tell whoever you're sending it to that I wish them a Alles gute zum Geburtstag~

Sincerely,

Munich

**۞**

_Bonjoooooou Munich! :D_

_Yes, it's me, Haiti! How are you? Nice to meet you! It kind of sucks though that you don't get along with your family. I barely have any; it's just Spain's giant armada of children over here. So you should appreciate what you have! Because there are lots of little orphans in this world. Especially after the earthquake. :(_

_But why do you dislike Hamburg so much?_

_I looked up "tica" for you! Apparently it means "brick" in some Quechua language or other. In the Quechua hat Peru usually speaks, it's "t'ika" or "wayta", and then in that weird other dialect it's spelled "ticca"! I feel so smart and so confused at the same time x.x  
_

_The person we sent the birthday card to says thanks! Oops, hold on, someone's at the door. I wonder who it could be. I mean, I didn't invite anyone, and Peru's busy devising his revenge plan against Panama's sister... Oh! Maybe it's the UPS_ _man with a present for me! :D_

_*opens the door* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OAO_

* * *

**Haiti said UPS like "ups" not "U-P-S". XD**

**"Bonjou" is not a typo. It's Haitian Creole.  
**


	162. Italy 40, Mexico 24, Puerto Rico 8

**Italy 40  
**

Ciao Haiti and Huayna!

I guess it does!

I try too! But Ludwig says that I take too many siestas! But can dust bunnies do that?

Si! She is really determined! She even said that Belarus has one against her!

Huh? is that true?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

**۞**

_Yo, Italy! Paraguay here, with the P, as in philosophy! _

_I found this letter in my mailbox for some reason. What's going on at Peru's place? Smells like something's burning. And when you're as good at cooking as Peru, you _never_ burn _anything _without meaning to. _

_Do you think I should go check it out? It seems pretty dangerous though..._

_What's this about dust bunnies and Belarus? O_O_

**۞**

_Hello, Italy. _

_This is Uruguay, without the P, as in New Zealand. Paraguay told me he got a copy of your letter too. Peru's usually not careless enough to let anyone read his letters, so something must've happened at his house. I don't suggest you go and find out what, though. He's probably finally snapped and gone batshit insane like his father. Tell everyone in Europe (especially Spain) to lock their doors and windows and invest in bulletproofing their clothes. I'll handle things over here. Oh yeah, and pass the message on to Asia as well. _

_Signed,_

_Uruguay  
_

**(I sound like a Japanese/Finnish/really robotic/Megurine Luka retard! XD)**

* * *

**Mexico 24  
**

Umm Perú

I heard that you are going into a killing spree against Panama.

Mind if I ask you WHY?

His Capital is the one who is a bitch... do not take it out in Panama.

Talking about that... he returned from his happy place away from his sister horrayyyyy.

Now that I know about yaoi I just can not see the nations of Europe the same anymore... DX

Yeah I know, but still I am older... even if I appeared after one hundred years of the Fundation of New Spain.

Umm for some reason I told "That". Maybe both of us are in a good mood or something. We will be at our throats when he pisses me off.. again.

Mexico

P.D: Oh, que lastima. There should be one somewhere I did not found mine that soon, I think he appeared like two years ago

**۞**

_H-hi Mexico..._

_Um... this is the Falkland Islands speaking. Your letter somehow got to my place instead. What's going on in Peru? This does not bode well..._

_Whatever it is, do be careful. Pubescent boys can get really scary. You know, with their mood swings and violent tempers and whatnot. I'd stay and chat with you, b-but Argentina just came by and h-he's doing weird things to me again... why does he keep touching me inappropriately? T_T_

_Falkland Islands_

**۞**

_Dear Mexico,_

_This is Chile. How did your letter end up at my place? What on earth is Huayna doing? I'd better go have a look. He's been in a sore mood ever since he got back and I think Annabelle's letter finally pushed him over the edge. But still, it's very unlike him to let his private messages end up in other people's hands - especially mine. I'll go over right now and if things are out of control I'll let you know as soon as possible._

_Chile  
_

* * *

**Puerto Rico 8  
**

Oh, hey Haiti,

What are you doing at casa de Perú?

Before Peru left, he wrote that you didn't seem to want to speak to me. Why?

...I'm not going to ask about the dust bunnies, but doesn't Peru eat guinea pigs or something?

I know who Panama is. Argentina should lay off if he doesn't want my bat to make contact with his head.

You don't need to know.

I don't exactly have...fond memories con Francia.

None.

From,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

P.S. Yes, yes it is. :D We are awesome~!

******۞**

_E-Enrique! Help! It's an invasion! A pair of little mites came in and started torturing me! They threw Peru's other letters to God knows where and - OH GOD! NO! They're starting a fire! Peru kind of disappeared when they showed up... I hope he's not attacking Panama already! Oh gosh, Chile better be keeping an eye on him. I know I'm not making a lot of sense here, but HOLY [bleep] ON A [bleep] SANDWICH THEY'RE STUFFING DYNAMITE IN MY PANTS! Who the HELL are these kids? O_O_

_Get help, Enrique! I'm sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding you but your bat is just so scary and anyway if I'd written in that last letter Peru would've seen the batter on my hands not that it matters because he found out anyway oh shoot they're lighting the fuse oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gooooooooosssshhhhh! OAQ_

_I'm too young to blow up into a million pieces and scatter away into the wind like in some retarded American movie! Oh God, please save me...  
_

_Shit! They found the letter! I better send it off as soon as_

**(Included with the letter is a photograph of two African children in Peru's living room, with a bound, gagged and terrified Haiti behind them, making the "V for victory" sign at the camera and smiling like a pair of brats about to do something bad.**

**Written on the back of the photo: "_Olá, você sentiu saudades de nós? Não se preocupe, em breve iremos visitá~_")**

* * *

**The "pair of brats about to do something bad" is carried over from one of my other fics. Because they were so diabolical, they figured out how to transcend stories.**


	163. Romano, Munich, Italy

**A wild Portuguese Pair has arrived! **

**Haiti used Run Away!**

**Do I even need to tell you how ineffective that was? -.-**

* * *

**Romano 45  
**

*winces* That... Sucks. Wish I could do something, but I'm barely keeping up with my own problems, and dammit, where's Feliciano when you need him! I end up doing all his paperwork, too! Sometimes I wish I didn't learn how to forge signa- Er... Disregard that last sentence.

... Maybe.

**۞**

_Ele forja assinaturas!_

Ele forja assinaturas!

_Talvez devêssemos dizer as autoridades._

Sim, sim.

_Senhor Romano, you should know, is bad to lie. We tell on you to Senhor UN, yes?_

Yes, Mom said must report bad people to authorities.

_That's right, Paulo. We phone Senhor UN right now._

Sorry Senhor Romano. Is for your own good. 

**(Uh oh, Romano...)**

* * *

**Munich 13  
**

Dear Haiti,

... So far, you don't act like France, so I'll deal with the French. Knowing him, he probably molested you at some point.

Can we trade? They seem nice.

New topic.

... Now I'm confused as well. I have no fucking clue which one it was... And then I'm having to take care of Luddy ever since that new strain of E. Coli. Poor bruder...

H-Haiti? You ok there...?

A little worried,

Munich

**۞**

_Ela diz que está preocupado._

Ela deveria estar preocupado, hehe. Senhorita Munich, is nice to meet you. Is Germany a nice place? Maybe we go there later, yes? :3

_We will bring present, yes! Nice present for sister of Germany! Dynamite we found in Senhorita Bolivia's purse! :D_

Yes, dynamite! They don't blow up very well though...

_Oh well! Is thought that counts! Senhorita Munich, we go to your place later~!_

Yes, later!

_Now we tie Haiti up and play with him! :D_

Will be fun! See you later, Senhorita Munich! :D

**(That's _not_ dynamite they found in Bolivia's bag. Let's just say that it's something you wouldn't have found in a guy's possession. And it... is a little stick with a string sticking out one end. No wonder they thought it was dynamite.  
**

**Based on an episode of AFV where some immature little boys ransacking their sister's purse made the same conclusion as these two did. They later announced it at an airport and, needless to say, the security guard was not amused...)**

* * *

**Italy 41, part A**

Ciao Paraguay!

Ve~ I don't know what's going on! But could you check it out? I'm really busy at my place right now!

Well Haiti was talking about dust bunnies and she asked about this scary girl named Lizveth! Even Belarus has a restraining order against her!

**۞**

_Hey Italy! I'm packing up right now. Sounds like things are getting dangerous over there - I just heard a scream and some very creepy laughter. Can laughter even carry that far? Something evil is afoot, and I'm going to find out what it is. Wish me luck!_

_By the way, what's this I hear about Germany being pregnant?  
_

**Italy 41, part B**

Ciao Uruguay!

VE~~~~~! IS THAT TRUE? SI! I'll tell everyone! Um…what…what would happen if he did snap?

Hoping he didn't,

Italy Veneziano

**۞**

_Hello Italy,_

_You don't want to know. I heard it happened once, a long time ago, and Spain was avoiding him for years afterwards. Long story short... it won't be pretty._

_I, too, am packing up, because Paraguay is an incompetent bastard who will probably get in trouble too instead of finding out what's going on at Peru's place. And so, I bid you adieu, Italy. May Lady Luck smile upon all of us and keep the calamity that is Berserk!Peru from ever happening again._

_Uruguay_

**(I only wish it were half as cool as it seems. But what should I put for the video? I don't want to put my voicebank avatar, it's embarrassing... maybe I'll find a picture of Finland and put him instead.)**_  
_


	164. Spain, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic

**Spain 39  
**

Haiti,

Aw, terribly sorry...I wish you all the best. It's sad that the world is going to hell like this, you know?

Ohh? Really? That's not good...aw, crap-ah, lo siento...

It sorta is...

Spain

P.S. Aw, that sucks. Ask Germany or Belgium or even France to teach you how to bake-I'm more of a cook than a baker

**۞**

_É a Espanha!_

É a Espanha!

_Espanha pode vir jogar conosco!_

Eu quero jogar com a Espanha!

_Spain! Peru has very nice house! :D_

Yes, very nice! :D

_Is fun to play here! _

What is Spain's house like?

_Does it have little furry animals?_

They're cute!

_But Spain's house too far away. We can't go today. So, we sent present instead! :D_

Have itching powder! Can prank France with it! But be careful, box lid is not secure... oops, I spilled it in the envelope.

_Oh well! We send it anyway! Hope you like! _

**(I shudder to think of what they're doing to the poor guinea pigs. By the way, a very belated thanks for the happy birthday! :D)**_  
_

* * *

**Puerto Rico 9**

Dammit!,

Haiti! Calm down, and I'll get over there as soon as possible! I have my baseball bat, some rope(don't ask), and Aguadilla and Mayagüez are coming along!

'Olá, você sentiu saudades de nós? Não se preocupe, em breve iremos visitá~' Portugese? Think, think...

...Oh sh*t. San Juan! While I'm gone, lock the windows and doors!

Sea paciente, Haití!

From,

Enrique

**۞**

_Esta é a Porto Rico!_

Porto Rico!

_Hello, how is? Do you miss us?_

You do! Otherwise why coming to us right now? :D

_Você tem um ponto, Paulo_.

Sim, eu sei.

_Hooray, can't wait to have fun with Porto Rico! Is fun person! :D_

Very fun! :D

_Come over soon! We have lots of cool things for show you! _

Lots and lots! Bring San Juan too? :3_  
_

* * *

**(toyboyluver as) Dominican Republic 1  
**

OYE PERU!

Que lo que tigre! You remember me right? Republica Dominicana. Man, its been a while since I seen you. So how it going? Um I heard about the killing spree against Panama. I just want to ask, EN QUIEN DIABLO POSESSES YOU TO DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING! Oh well, not even gonna bother.

Abur-abur Luis Guzman de Toro,

**۞**

Quem é?

_É República Dominicana. Devemos falar com ele?_

Claro que sim. Por que não? Hi República Dominicana!

_Hi!_

You are neighbor of Haiti, yes?

_Haiti is here! Say hi, Haiti!_

Oh my god! _République Dominicaine! _Thank goodness you're still okay! I've been tied up at Peru's place with these two evil little [censored] and they're going to torture me! Get help! Preferably from Madame Portugal, because they keep speaking in Portuguese so she might have a stronger influence on them! So please... get someone to stop them! Shit, they're

_He didn't say hi..._

He didn't...

_O que devemos fazer?_

Ele deve ser punido.

_Ok, vamos fazê-lo._

Sorry República Dominicana, we need punish Haiti now so we talk to you later!

_Bye-bye! :D_

* * *

**Guuuuhhhhhh... when I wrote "Madame Portugal" I had the terrible image of my French teacher in my head.=_=**

**But she's Ukrainian.**_  
_


	165. Romano, Munich, Spain

**Romano 46  
**

... Che cosa? Oh, it's you two demons... And it's not like I do his UN crap, too. Just the stuff that if he doesn't get to our boss on time, I'LL get chewed out for it since I'm the older one. Its sucks balls.

Anyway, the things for the UN I make him do himself. So fuck off, the both of you.

**۞**

Ele disse uma palavra ruim!

_Ele amaldiçoou!_

Senhor Romano, Spain didn't teach you no swearing?

_Senhor Romano is bad! We tell Senhor UN you said bad things! D:_

You should be ashamed!

_Yes! Mãe wash your mouth with soap!_

Soap! :D

* * *

**Munich 14  
**

Was? I-I'm sorry, I don't understand Portuguese and online translators suck...

But yes, Germany is a nice place, but I wouldn't advise coming now unless you feel like contracting an extremely debilitating case of E. Coli that has already killed people in not only my home, but a few others as well.

D-Dynamite? ... Boys, I think you should go show what you found to Miss Portugal. And bitte, leave Haiti alone. He hasn't done anything wrong. At least, not that I'm aware of. You should tie up France and shove a stick of dynamite up his [Bleep!] though...

Sincerely,

Munich

P.S. Um... Who are you two?

**۞**

_Ela não entende Português._

Não entende Português?

_Como patético._

Sim.

_Eh... This is Sao Tome_

and Principe.

_Mãe is busy._

We can`t talk to her. 

_Haiti fun to play with! We not letting him go! :D_

Is too fun! We be sad if Haiti goes! :D

_What's E. Coli?_

Is a vicious doggy?

_Oh, but killing people is bad..._

Not allowed to be bad! E. Coli must be punished.

_Sim, sim, like Senhor Romano! :D_

We visit Senhor Germany and punish the E. Coli! Yes? ^^

_Sound fun! Should hurry up here so we can go!_

See you later, Senhorita Munich!

_See you!_

**(Come to think of it... no wonder Haiti didn't already blow up.)**

* * *

**Spain 40  
**

To whomever I'm speaking (soooo confusing)

¿Hola? Uhm, ¿donde esta el Perú? No te ofendas, pero yo prefiero hablar con Perú en este momento ...

Ah...Portuguese...well then...

Ficaria muito feliz se você deixar o Peru vai, sim? Isso seria muito bom...

Uhm, why would I need itching powder...? Just a question...

Yes! my house does have "furry animals"~! I have kitties~! Kitties are cute.

You know what? I'll see if my sister (Portugal) and I can visitar, bien?

Spain

**۞**

Ehhhhh?

_Espanha não reconhece nos?_

Espanha não sabemos quem somos?

_Como é triste. Mãe ficaria furioso se descobrisse._

Sim, ela vai matá-lo.

_Que divertido! :D_

Hehe! :D

_We not know where Peru is! Only see Haiti!_

But Haiti is fun too!

_He didn't blow up from the dynamite! Is strong! :D_

Yes, strong! :D Here, Spain have dynamite too! Senhorita Munich says France needs some in his [bleep!]

_Oh! Paulo, Paulo, ela nos disse para dar a dinamite para m__ãe_, certo?

Ah, sim, sim! Spain, we give you extra dynamite for Mãe! Senhorita Munich told us show to her!

_Spain have kitties at his house? Kitties are fun~_

But no visit us here! You ruin the fun if you do! :(

_Yeah, Spain stay in Europe! We can take care for ourselves!  
_

**(And remember, it's not dynamite... XD)  
**


	166. Italy, Dominican Republic and conclusion

**Apologies to dogsrule for switching the letter order, but another Romano Munich Italy chapter wouldn't go so well in terms of chapter title. Gomen. D:**

* * *

**Italy 42, Part A  
**

Ciao Paraguay!

VE~! A SCREAM AND CREEPY LAUGHTER? Who was it? Do I need my white flag?

Oh, well He and Mr. Austria said it happened when I got really drunk!

**۞**

_Hey Italy! It's okay, just stay calm! Everything will be fine! So don't bring out that white flag!_

_Yet._

_Is that so? Congratulations then! Tell Germany to eat lots of nutritious food and rest well. Oh, and lay off the bondage. It's bad for the baby. _

_I'll let you know how things go!_

**Italy 42, Part B**_  
_

Ciao Uruguay!

VE~! I DON'T? SHOULD I SEND YOU ONE OF MY WHITE FLAGS?

Feeling scared,

Italy Veneziano

**۞**

_Hello Italy,_

_That won't be necessary. Paraguay hides one in his closet; we can use that one instead. Besides, I doubt we are in much trouble to begin with. In the worst-case scenario, we can always call on America and Canada to help out... even if America is a [censored]. As soon as things are safe again we'll contact you._

_By the way, you ARE Germany's baby's father, aren't you?_

_Uruguay  
_

**(I could try modifying the voice to sound like him too, but that might turn out kind of weird. And trust me, you do NOT want to see Berserk!Peru. He'll sink the entire continent or something.)  
**

* * *

**Dominican Republic 2**

**(And a huge apology for my massive head trauma-level brain fart. I fixed it on the previous chapter. If it happens again I'll chop off my writing hand and gouge out my eyes like Oedipus.)**

AYE DIOS MIO! YOU MONSTERS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HATI! DONDE ESTA MI BASEBOL BAT WHERE I NEED IT? DON'T WORRY HATI I'LL SAVE YOU!

Abur-Abur Luis Guzman de Toro.

**۞**

_Monsters?_

That's not nice! D:

_We're not monsters!_

Wah, Lino, ele está sendo cruel!

_Sim, muito mau. Mãe não gostaria que ele._

Oh! You bring baseball bat? How nice! :D

_We like baseball!~ :D_

Is cool! Why don't we play together?

_Sim, and Haiti too! Is nice person to play with!_

Yes, very quaint! :D

_He screams a lot, it's fun! :D_

Sim, eu gosto dele!

_Ok, we wait for you, República Dominicana! _

Yes, we wait! See you s

* * *

At this point the front door bursts open and Peru is standing there with his elephant gun held at the ready (but still no ammunition). He stares at Haiti for a moment, then at the twins, then back to Haiti again. An eye twitches. The twins gasp and quickly start cleaning up the evidence of their "fun".

"So," says Peru, lowering the gun, "you can't even keep a pair of nosy little brats in line, Xavier? That earthquake has addled your brain more than I thought." A guinea pig runs up to him. He watches it sniff around his feet and then dive under the couch. Suddenly a thought occurs to him. "Where's Capac?"

The twins freeze. Haiti looks away. Peru follows his gaze and spots the llama with his wool hacked into clumps like a poodle, dyed pink and swathed in little pink ribbons. The twins look down at the floor guiltily. There is a clatter as the gun slips from Peru's hands. "You... little..."

[And then he beats the crap out of Sao Tome and Principe. I won't go into the details, but let's just say the little twerps won't be sitting down for days afterwards.]

After phoning Portugal (and yelling at her), he unties Haiti and sits outside on the veranda. "What nice weather we're having today," he remarks as Haiti shuffles nervously up to him. "It's a good time to relax and enjoy some wine."

"Um," says Haiti, "a-are you still angry?"

Peru looks at him for a moment. Then he turns back to his garden. "I'll have to send Panama some pisco later as an apology," he finally says. "And a pipe bomb for his lovely sister. Shall we fill it with C4 or TNT? Some thick smoke to clog that throat of hers would do her good. Hmm, we could add some broken glass for bonus points..."

* * *

**Haiti: =A=**

**Peru: Well! Time to put these little losers to work. *hands broom and mop to Sao Tome and Principe***

* * *

**That was strangely anticlimactic... but at least there's no face-off between Peru and Panama. Everyone is safe! :D**

**Except for Annabelle.  
**


	167. Romano, Munich, Spain, Italy

**Fun With Section Breaks! Today's looks like a sun :D**

* * *

**Romano 47  
**

... You're kidding me, right? That idiot couldn't teach a fish how to swim, much less get me to stop cursing. If you have a problem with it, go talk to my nonno. He's dead. Have fun getting to him, you little bastards...

The UN doesn't give a shit about how I speak; just that I don't curse out any world leaders.

I really don't think your mamma gives a care, either. I'm not her kid; never was never will be. Thank God for that...

҉

Hola Senor Romano,

Well, you won't have to worry about those two anymore. I phoned Portugal and she's coming to take them away. Before she arrives, I'm going to tuck your letter out of sight, because if she sees it your goose will be cooked, Senor Romano.

By the way, the twins are whining about you swearing your head off and they're insisting Portugal will dunk your head in bleach for that. They'd be so cute if they didn't cause trouble everywhere they go.

Have fun swearing and cursing and whatnot. I'm going to make that bomb for Annabelle now.

Peru

**(Angry Portugal time... XD)**

* * *

**Munich 15  
**

Dear Sao Tome and Principe,

I may not understand how to say it, but I /did/ understand that you just called me not knowing a language from a countries I've never visited to be "pathetic". Maybe I should tell your mutti about what you two are doing to poor Haiti, hm? I'm sure she'd love to here it. ^^

E. Coli's actually a disease that can make you very very sick. So, please, stay where you are until this is taken care of, ja? Then you can visit. Have fun when you meet my bruder Hamburg.

... Wait, did you two just say that Herr Romano needs to be punished? ... Spain'd probably be more than happy to help with that. Just be sure to leave the room before he gets started, ja?

Sincerely,

Munich

҉

Dear Munich,

I was very lucky to have arrived home before those two ragamuffins brought the house down. They're busy cleaning up the mess now. Portugal will be coming soon to take them away. If they caused you any trouble while they were here, I apologize for that.

Don't worry, I'll be sure to let her know what they were doing. "Dynamite" included. =_=

By the way, how's it going over there? I hear Senor Germany got pregnant. Uh oh, suddenly I'm kind of scared for Senor Falklands...

Oh yeah, and they want me to ask you why they'd have to leave before Spain starts, er, punishing Senor Romano.

I'll distract them with candy while you make up a good reason.

Peru

* * *

**Spain 41  
**

Oh Peru,

Muy bein-I'm glad everything's fixed...though my sister wanted me to let you know she's going to take a plane over later.

Uhm, just don't get too aggressive, all right?

Adios~

Spain

҉

Spain,

Thank goodness. If I keep these idiots here any longer I'll be tempted to bomb my own house to get rid of them.

Define "too aggressive" and I'll think about it.

Peru

P.S.: Have some C4. There was lots left after I made that pipe bomb for Panama's bitchy sister. You can put it under France's seat at the next world summit! Along with those sticks of, er, 'dynamite' the twins sent you.

P.P.S.: Chile's a [censored]!

* * *

**Italy 43, Part A  
**

Ciao Paraguay!

O-ok! I'll try too!

Grazie! And I'll go tell Ludwig that for you! But bondage?

Ok! Please tell me!

҉

_Hey Italy! Guess what? Everything is under control now! Peru's stopped his angry rampage, Haiti is safe and those evil twins have been subdued! Oh, it just occurred to me that you don't know what had been going on. Well, you see, Peru got really pissed at Panama's sister and went off somewhere to sulk, and while he was gone, Sao Tome and Principe swooped in and took over his house! They tied up Haiti and made a huge mess. But Peru went in and taught them a lesson, and now they're about to be taken away by Portugal, thank goodness! _

_So, yeah, that's what happened over here. Aren't you glad it's over?  
_

**Italy 43, Part B  
**

Ciao Uruguay!

Ok! But you need any extras I can always send you one! But I'm writing to Canada, do you want me to tell him?

That's what Mr. Austria and Ludwig told me!

Hoping everything gets better,

Italy Veneziano

_ ҉ _

_Hello Italy,_

_What Paraguay said. And you can start writing to Peru again, I think he's stopped being angry now._

_Uruguay_

* * *

**If I don't update tomorrow, it's because I've finally started working on my fics again like I'm supposed to. I really ought to save Spain from floating down that yucky murky canal... :/**


	168. Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Panama

**Anyone who gets what the new section break is alluding to gets a cookie! :D**

* * *

**Puerto Rico 10  
**

Dear Peru,

Hmmm, you could've been easier on those kids.

Mayagüez: LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO THE LLAMA! AHAHAHA~~!

Aguadilla: You're too loud dumbass...

Oh yeah~! Here, keep this rope(don't ask). Just in case!

Mayagüez: Can we get a pink llama?

Aguadilla:*facepalm* What. The hell. Is. Wrong. With. You?

Boys, calm down! We're going home!

Mayagüez: So...no llama?

Aguadilla/PR: NO!

Seriously, keep the rope...,

Enrique

P.S...Mayagüez wants to know if he can at least keep a guinea pig...

⑥

Hi Enrique,

What do you mean? Bad children must be punished... *manic look*

Please don't add insult to Capac's injury. I'm going to fix it as best as I can, but it's going to be mighty breezy for him for a few weeks. Damn kids... they're worse than Chile and Argentina, and that's saying a lot!

Eh... this rope, what should I do with it?

Sure, you can have a guinea pig, I suppose...

_No! You're giving them away? OAQ_

Of course. You got a problem with that, Haiti?

_B-but I'll miss them! Especially Mr. Hairy Bun-Buns! You can't do this~ T_T_

..."Mr. Hairy Bun-Buns"? =_=

That's it. I'm giving that one away.

_Nooooooooo! Mr. Hairy Bun-Buuuuuunnnnss! D:_

Signed,

Peru

* * *

**Dominican Republic 3**

Oye Peru!

Peru I know what they did was wrong, pero coño! You didn't have to be so hrash. Oh well, as long as Hati is safe I'm cool.

Abur-Abur Luis Guzman de Toro

P.S. Oh yeah make sure you tell those little brats to stay away from Hati. If I ever find those two near him again, I'll cripple them! Deal?

⑥

Hey Dominican Republic,

You shouldn't go easy on them just because they're children. In fact, the punishment I gave them should be considered _light_ in comparison to what I usually do. Isn't that right, you little [censored]?

Sao Tome: ;A;

Principe: ;A;

Besides, they've done this countless times already.

Don't worry, I think they know already. Haiti will be safe with me from now on. I have C4. :)

Peru

P.S.: Would you like some? I have lots left over after packing that pipe bomb...

* * *

**Panama 13  
**

Peru! :D

You forgive me? YAY! I won't become Swiss cheese! ... but I still don't get why you wanted to fill me with holes in the first place.

Is Haiti okay? There have been a lot of kidnappings lately... First Belize, now him... Hope there won't be anymore...

What exactly were you doing when Sao Tome and Principe were bothering Haiti?

Annie is in Coronado right now... or at least that's what she told me. She also took my Harpy Eagle with her, but I don't know why she would want to use her for.

Are you sure you aren't mad at me anymore?

Signed,

Dani \ Panama

⑥

Hi Panama,

Sorry again for trying to go after you with the elephant gun. I should be the one asking for your forgiveness. I have absolutely no idea what came over me, but whatever it was, I hope it never happens again. It was like... it was like I got possessed by the personification of Rage or something. Maybe I need to be exorcised. O_O

Don't worry, Haiti is fine. He's sitting here weeping about having to part with one of 'his' (my) guinea pigs. =_=

What was I...? Um... Ch-Chile, he - I mean - er... w-well. Ahem.

H-he sat me down and gave me the same 'talk' I gave him two hundred years ago, all right? Ǒ / / _ / / Ǒ

Apparently he thinks I went berserk because of, I quote, "hormonal imbalances". He's a pervert, I tell you. A PERVERT.

So, your bitchy sister isn't home? Well, that sucks. You know that pipe bomb I sent you? Better defuse it before midnight tonight...

On second thought, you should delay the explosion and mail it to her ASAP. The instructions are on the sheet.

Yes, I'm sure I'm not mad at you. Are you mad at me?

Peru

* * *

**Extra cookies to anyone who can tell me the name of this first song in the video, or at least give me a lead. And... no, I'm a girl. Seeing Microsoft mascots with big upper vital regions doesn't affect me at all.**

**Peru: Well, wh-what about the _panchira_?  
**

**...Huayna, stop staring. -.-  
**

**http:/ / www. youtube. com/ watch? v=GCTzLQL1nN0&feature=related**

**Peru: By the way, check out 3:55. =_=  
**


	169. Talk show episode 6

Me: Yaaaaaaay! This thing is still running! :D

Peru: Unfortunately. =_=

Me: Anyway, special thanks to solitarycloud for sending in questions! (Please check that I did not spell your pen name wrong... D: ) Huayna, are you ready?

Peru: Never.

Me: Great! Let's see what's in store for you today! :D

Peru: Oh yuck.

_Hi Peru! It's cloud again. Before anything else please greet my motherland aka The Philippines on her b-day this Jun.12. Please?_

Me: Wah, her birthday is a week after mine! Unfortunately, I'll be away on that day... but an early happy birthday to her, and I'll see if I can update while I'm at the airport or something! ^_^

Peru: What a boring vacation you have_, _going to the States.

Me: It's not boring! Don't call it that, you'll make Americans everywhere mad at you! D:

Peru: ...Boring. Boring boring boring boring boring. Boooooooorriiiiiinnnnng. Just you try and beat me up, darn gringos. I found the ammunition for my elephant gun.

Me: Eh... ahahahaha, a-anyway, moving on... ^_^;_  
_

_Now back to the questions:_

_1. How do you think of your siblings? (lame question, sorry)_

Me: Oh, it's not lame at all. I think it's a very good question~! So, Huayna...

Peru: Well, you know about that thing I have against Chile-

Me: But why do you hate him so much? D:

Peru: B-because... because I just do, okay? *scowls*

Me: Er, okay... what about Ecuador?

Peru: He's... better than Chile, at least. And he's actually been trying to improve relations with me lately.

Me: But hasn't Chile, also?

Peru: That _roto_ really doesn't care about how I feel. Ecuador's more... compassionate, I guess.

Me: Aww, you called Ecuador compassionate! I must phone him up right now! :D

Peru: D-don't you dare! O_O

Me: Oh, okay... :( Well, what about Argentina?

Peru: He's fine, I suppose. About the best that half-siblings can get. Except he has a really big ego. And sometimes he says R-rated stuff in front of other people. I mean, I personally don't mind, but with Liga Federal being the little brat he is, you really shouldn't teach him that kind of language...

Me: O_o Erm... a-and is Liga Federal related to you?

Peru: Hell no. He comes from the other side of Argentina's family. Thank goodness for that; I'd commit hari-kiri like Japan if I were related to that thing.

Me: Oh, okay. =_= And Bolivia?

Peru: She's nice. I like her. We used to hang out a lot. She needs to eat better, though, or she'll never develop properly. *sees RayRay staring at him* No, wait, I didn't mean-

Me: Don't worry! It'll be our little secret ;) Huayna's finally growing up!~

Peru: =_=

Me: So, how're they related to you anyway?

Peru: Well, their territories were part of my father's land. Chile got conquered by Huayna Capac (the original) later on, and quite frankly, the Inca hold on the people there wasn't very strong, so he's only a half-sibling. Only a tiny part of Argentina was ever taken, so he's even less related. Ecuador and Bolivia are close, though.

Me: How... complicated. D:

Peru: Yeah, compared to _your_ ancestry, at least.

_2. Where do babies come from?_

Peru: Oh no. I'm not answering that.

Me: You should~! It's a fun question!

Peru: Only when I'm watching the other party squirm awkwardly.

Me: Well, we can invite someone over if you want~!

Peru: No, that's alright. Let's move on to the next question.

Me: No~~~! You must answer this one first~! :D

Peru: ...I don't wanna.

Me: I'll give you pisco if you do~

Peru: How can you? It's probably all crap stuff they have up in Canada.

Me: ...eh... Candy? :D

Peru: If you think you can buy me with Toblerone, you're wrong. Mm-hmm.

Me: -.-

Peru: How many sticks of Toblerone did you think you could bribe me with? Five? It was five, wasn't it? You're pathetic.

Me: I'll throw in some Caramilk... *puppy dog eyes*

Peru: . . . W-well... when a man and a woman love each other very much, they [mumble mumble mumble]...

Me: Aww, you're so cute when you're blushing! Quick, I must take a picture! X3

Peru: ...and then nine months later you get a shrieking screaming monster everyone goes ga-ga over. There! Never ask me that ever again. =A=

Me: Yay, well done, Huayna! I'll buy you chocolate later. For now, though, we're moving on to dares! Yessir, you can send dares to our poor little Andean here!~ :3

Peru: Oh dear. =.=_  
_

_1. Please make Peru crossdress and, author-san, please send me the pictures :DDD_

Me: For some reason I came prepared for this. *holds up schoolgirl uniform*

Peru: O_O You are NOT putting me in that.

Me: [suddenly standing up] Oh~ yes~ I~ am~!~

Peru: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HELP! RAPE! RAPE! OAQ

Me: *pulls Peru's pants off* No it's not~! Hold still!

Peru: NEVER! H-hey, wait, not my underwear - !

**PLEASE STAND BY**

Peru: [in the uniform, with his hair down] I.. _hate_... you. *scowls*

Me: [taking pictures] Aww, but you look good in a short skirt~! You have nice legs!

Peru: O / / A / / O I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT! GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!

Me: No wonder he said Chile has a "most unwomanly figure"... Uwa, look how the uniform accentuates your curves, Huayna~!

Peru: I'LL CURSE YOU! I'LL CURSE YOU, YOU [censored]! GO [censored censored censored censored] ON A [censored censored] UNTIL YOU [censored censored censored]!

Me: Yeesh, lighten up, I'll take it off in a minute_. _As soon as I get... *flips Peru's skirt up and snaps a picture* _this_ shot! Ahahahaha!

Peru: WHAT THE HECK?

Me: That one's going to Chile! :D

Peru: What? NO! You-

**PLEASE STAND BY AGAIN WHILE RAYRAY GETS PUMMELED**

Me: Sorry... it won't happen again... T_T

Peru: Darn right it won't, [censored]. Let's move on before I decide to kill you._  
_

_2. Please hug ALL your siblings and tell them you love them :3 Boy's lo- Err... I meant Brotherly love is awesome. (yeah, that's what I really meant)_

Peru: Oh. That's not so bad. *hugs Bolivia* I love you, Sis.

Bolivia: Aww, how nice. I love you too! *returns hug* By the way, you sure you don't have a fever or anything?

Me: Ahaha... -.-

Peru: Argentina! I'll grant you that hug you wanted to give me last week. And I'll even tell you I love you. Even though you're a big fat evil man who should choke on his own ego.

Argentina: Um... okay... *glomps Peru* You know, I kind of like it when you're all deredere like this. Especially with your leg rubbing against mine~

Me: Oh yeah, Huayna, you forgot to change out of that uniform.

Peru: O_O Argentina, you pervert! Why didn't you tell me?

Argentina: But you look so hot in that skirt~! It would be a sin to make you hide that beautiful body of yours under that big bulky poncho...

Peru: ...Screw you. I'll tell Senor Falklands you're two-timing him. =_=

Argentina: Y-you can't! D:

Me: Um, l-let's move on... ^_^; Peru, you still have two siblings to go.

Peru: ...Aww, shit.

Me: I called Chile and Ecuador over! Now you have to hug them both~! :D

Peru: I don't wanna hug either of them.

Me: I'll give you more Toblerone~~

Peru: No. You're not tricking me this time.

Me: [pouting] How 'bout letting them hug you instead?

Peru: ...

Me: _And _Toblerone? :3

Peru: ...Only Ecuador. The other one should go [censored].

Me: Eh... good enough, I guess. Sorry, solitarycloud, I guess this is as good as it gets.

Peru: *squeezes eyes shut* Just hurry up.

Me: Hmm... :3 *pushes Chile toward Peru* Surprise~! :D

Chile: Wha-

Me: Shhhh! D:

Chile: Geez. =A= *awkwardly hugs Peru*

Peru: You don't smell like Ecuador... *opens eyes*

Me: Oh no! *hides behind Bolivia*

**The aftermath is up to your imagination.**

* * *

Me: Look! I survived! :D

Peru: [bringing out elephant gun] Not for long...


	170. Another Announcement

**This is not a letter chapter, unfortunately. It's just a short announcement to congratulate Peru on his new president, Ollanta Humala, the 94th president of Peru! :D And thus, we should all share a round of pisco and go to sleep early.**

**No, really. Then again, I'm probably the only one up late. Geez, you'd think I live in Kiribati or something, the way my sleep pattern is. =_=**

**As a bonus note, letter fic-ing has branched out; check out the forum Vee, I got Tomato Stains on these Cartas! (Haha, I probably spelled that wrong too...) :D**

**Peru: Let me sleep... =_=**

**Me: Write my cover letter for me! Then we'll see.**

**Oh yeah, and this bonus note was also because I got tired of sending private messages. **

**Peru: SLEEP, you bitch. Or I'll shoot you with... *holds up umbrella***

**Me: ...Um. D:  
**


	171. Italy, Mexico, Romano

**I found the name of the song! It's Sumizome no Sakura. I Googled the first line of lyrics and it showed up! At first there were no results because I'd grouped the syllables wrong... well, excuse me for thinking it sounds more like "sa kimi dare" than "saki midare"! So I searched "sa ki mi da re" instead.**

**Peru: You're rambling again. Shut up. **

* * *

**Italy 44  
**

Ciao Paraguay and Uruguay!

Yay! And si! I'm glad it's over! I'll try to talk to him now!

҉

_Yup! You have fun with that! _

_...Why are you so hyper, Paraguay?_

҉

Ciao Huayna!

Um….are you feeling better?

Hoping you do,

Italy Veneziano

҉

Hola Senor Feliciano,

I'm... better, I guess. Sorry if my absence/these two ridiculous little [censored]s making a mess of my house caused you any trouble. Portugal's coming to take them away so hopefully they won't be around much longer.

...I meant "back-in-Africa" not-around. Not "dead" not-around.

I sent a pipe bomb to Panama's sister. It made me feel tons better. I also sent some C4 to Spain - too bad he can't send it back, he'd get arrested for terrorism~! I suggest you sit as far away as possible from France/England/Russia at the next world meeting.

Don't sit next to Chile either. And if they happen to be evenly distributed within the room... we're screwed.

On a happier note, Capac isn't pink and frilly anymore. :)

Talk to you soon,

Peru

* * *

**Mexico 25  
**

Perú

Hola how are you, finally you have cooled down.

Ummm can you tell what is was Puerto Rico's mission about, I did not notice because I was in an extra large therapy session.

And family session, it was not pretty.

Mexico

҉

Hola Mexico,

Yes, I've finally cooled down. I feel really bad about trying to shoot Panama now. I sent him some chocolate and a bottle of pisco as an apology.

Enrique's mission was... well, I left the house for a while, and Sao Tome and Principe decided right then to come over and have their, er, "fun" at my place. They tied Haiti up and started tormenting him, and Enrique went to save him. But don't worry, everything is fine now. Portugal's coming to take them back to Africa and the house is getting cleaned up.

I hate kids. =_=

A family session? That sounds grueling. Who did you go with?

Peru

* * *

**Romano 48  
**

Ciao, Peru.

... Ah. Um, grazie for that, then...

Yeah. And if they'd just shut up. I don't like kids...

Romano

҉

Hola Senor Romano,

No problem. I think the twins are trying to make sure she finds it, though. But not to worry, I'll lock it in my drawer along with all those scandalous pictures of pink-dress!Chile.

After meeting these two, I don't like them anymore either. Why can't their boss keep a closer eye on them?

Peru

* * *

**Have you noticed yet that when you select the page break, it disappears? :D**

**Also, the ⑥ of a few chapters ago is Cirno's 9-ball... upside-down. And no, I'm not a Touhou fan at all. I just like her theme. It's in Seven Colors of Hetalia, you know!**


	172. Munich, Spain, Puerto Rico

**Munich 16  
**

Dear Peru,

Welcome back. It's fine; I really didn't mind them all too much. Having Prussia as a brother will do that to you.

H-he's WHAT! WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT THIS!

And just tell them it's because Spain'll probably go for them, too.

҉

Dear Munich,

I can't help but feel a bit of pity for anyone who has to put up with Prussia. Except France and Spain.

Uh oh. Sh-should I have told you? D: Oh no, I probably put him in a heap of trouble, didn't I...

Please don't be too angry at him.

I told them, and now they're arming themselves with my pots and pans. Today's dinner is going to taste like whatever they use to wash their hair. If anything at all. =_=

Peru

* * *

**Spain 42  
**

Peru,

Ahaha-welp,she should be there shortly-so let's refrain from blowing up your house, si?

Ah-too aggressive would be blowing up your own house, Peru.

Adios~

Spain

P.S. ...ehm...g-gracias? But why France? Why not England-England's a bigger douche...

P.S.s. no comment...

҉

Spain,

I wouldn't blow up my house. It's too precious to destroy for the sake of these two [censored]s.

Strangely, Chile warned me this sort of thing was going to happen. The aggressiveness, I mean. Don't worry, I've got it under control. I think.

Signed,

Peru

P.S.: Because I hate France more. But you can put it anywhere you like. I've forewarned people not to sit too close to England, France or Russia. So go for it.

P.P.S.: It's because you know it's true, isn't it.

* * *

**Puerto Rico 11  
**

Peru,

I got in trouble a few times as a kid, but Taino never punished me like that. Really, you were too hard on those kids...

But you have to admit, me and Argentina did do a few good pranks when we werre living with Spain(and Mexico paid for it a few times but let's not get into details).

Whatever you want to do with it. I don't know.

...'Mr. Hairy Buns-Buns'...?

Mayagüez: I think it's cute! :3 *pets guinea pig*

Aguadilla: I think you need to be quiet.

Humacao: I think you all need to grow up.

I think you all need to SHUT UP.

Con amor,

Enrique

҉

Hola Enrique,

I was not hard on them. You haven't seen what Portugal does to them when she's mad. Besides, they're making mischief again as I'm writing this. This is a good example of that proverb, "eating a hundred soy beans and still not tasting the pungency". I think these twerps are on their thousandth soybean about now.

Yes, I know. It's a weird name. I wonder what other ones Haiti's got up his sleeve. =_=

Argentina still pulls a lot of pranks. But if he gets out of hand, I take revenge, so he never bothers me.

He's still a pervert though.

I think it's nice that you have so many people to hang out with. My regions all tend to look down on me since they've all grown up and I haven't. I only ever speak to them at federal elections and other important meetings.

Peru

**(It's a Chinese proverb. Basically means you keep repeatedly doing something without learning from your mistakes.)**


	173. Spain, Romano, Italy, Philippines

**Well, my keyboard is in French Canadian mode. I mean, Canadian French mode. Dang, the language confusion is starting.**

**By the way, I randomly looked up Europride, and would like to voice something I'm wondering... why would an anti-gay city like Rome host a gay festivalÉ and OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THE QUESTION MARKS! Now I'm back to hating the French keyboard. D:«**

* * *

**Spain 43  
**

Peru,

Oh good-that would just be plain awful.

All right-that's good then.

Adios~

Spain

P.S. Oh. Well-hmm...I just won't say anything to France then?

P.S.S. Pfft. Maybe.

**[I was too lazy to bring out the little sun-thing that disappears when you highlight it.]**

Spain,

No it wouldn't. I could always move back to Lima. But the tourists are a bit of a problem, so I think I'd rather stay here for the time being.

When is Portugal getting here? Or should I send them to Brazil instead?

By the way, Chile has the same birthday as you. =_=

And speaking of birthdays, don't forget to wish Maria a happy one today!

Peru

P.S.: Nah. After the molestation incident he kind of deserves it. For best results, make him sit beside England.

P.P.S.: Ambiguity is unhealthy. It's either "yes" or "no", not "maybe".

* * *

**Romano 49  
**

Yeah, they'd do that... By the way, I heard something a little... Strange. You eat guinea pigs...?

Because our bosses tend to only care what we do when we screw up.

**[Apparently on a Canadian French keyboard the apostrophe moves to another key. =_=]**

Yes, I do eat guinea pigs. They taste like rabbit. You should try sometime!

But doesn't hopping to another continent and wreaking havoc on someone's house count as "screwing up"?

**(Teehee, I have a friend called Roman. So then, in Italian... XD)**

* * *

**Italy 45  
**

Ciao Huayna!

Yay! You're back! I'm glad you're feeling better!

Oh, ok! But why did they do that?

VE~! That sounds scary! But si! I'll make sure I don't sit near them! But I thought that Big Brother France was his friend!

Oh, well I was planning on sitting next to Germany like always!

He was? I didn't know that!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

**[...Cheesecake. I feel so tired after just waking up. Maybe there's a vampire sucking my blood...]**

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Thanks! I'm glad I'm feeling better too...

I don't know why they do what they do. Maybe they're planning to take over the world with their incredible mischief-causing skills. In any case, never let your guard down when they're around.

Well... Sometimes friends do bad things to each other when they get angry. And besides, everyone else would agree that France deserves it.

In that case tell Senor Germany to sit far away from them too. And Chile.

Oh yes. You can blame the twins for that.

Peru

* * *

**Philippines 8 (happy birthday! :D)  
**

Dear Peru and Haiti,

Kamusta! Haiti, I don't believe we've met before so my human name is Maria and I represent the Philippines. In case you don't know where I am, my house is in Asia, just near Taiwan and Malaysia. It's really a pleasure to meet you XDDD

Umm... I think you should stand and watch first if you don't know what to do. I don't really bake so much but if I ever visit I'll teach you how to make chocolate cake and some Filipino desserts if you want. :D

Never mind about the liver. ^_^;;

I hate to admit it but I have to agree with you. Half of Boracay is filled with trash thanks to the many tourists... *sighs*

Oh thanks, I forgot again. Puerto Rico tells me I have to remember these more ^_^;;

Okay, but I still don't get what's wrong though...

Love,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. This actually the second time I typed this letter. I accidentally sent the first one to Puerto Rico so please don't be surprised if he forwards you another one. I sent some bananas again, please share with Haiti :3

**[There are weird people coming to our house today. No touchy the mimosa, weird people! D: ]**

Hola Maria,

_Hiiiiiii! :D_

_I'm Xavier! I share an island with the Dominican Republic and I live close to Cuba! But I'm the only one that speaks French in my area... :(_

Lighten up. It could be worse. You could act like that blond pervert too instead of just sounding like him.

_I suppose so... but anyway, it would be really fun to learn how to make Filipino desserts! That would be great! :D_

_By the way, today is your birthday, isn't it? Happy birthday! Bonne anniversaire! :D_

Oh, it is! Well, feliz cumpleaños and I'll send you a cake! Haiti, if you behave yourself on this one I won't make you clean up afterwards.

_Really? Yay! Okay, I'm in! ^_^_

Well, it's alright, lots of countries seem to have livers of steel. Either that or they get a lot of organ replacements.

Blarg, tourists. I was going to say something about them but then I forgot.

Oh, don't worry about it. That's what he gets for having a nosebleed when he saw that picture this annoying Hetalia fan took.

**Hey, hey, do you think he's secretly a shotacon? :D**

I hope not, or else he's in a heap of trouble.

_You mean YOU are, li'l shota~ :3_

=_= Right.

Signed,

Peru

_Haiti_

P.S.: _It's okay, I do that sometimes too. And thanks for the bananas! Peru refused to eat them because they reminded him of Ecuador, but I'm sneaking some into his salad... shh! ;)_

**(Well, happy belated birthday to you then! Mine's on the same day! XD)**_  
_

* * *

**I just realized that... well, my Mexico (on a separate fic) has the human name Juan. The letter-fic Mexico (by Mizuki-Ariaki) has the human name David. At our school there are Hispanic twins going by the names of... David and Juan. Oh my god. =_=**

**I'll be heading to Los Angeles/San Diego tomorrow! And it's just occurred to me that up until now, I've never traveled to/from/within the States by plane. Well, there's another "I've Never" broken...  
**


	174. Romano, Italy, Spain

**Romano 50  
**

Um... No thanks. I'm pretty sure Feli would throw a fit if I did that. Plus, I used to have one as a pet... Once you have it as a pet, you really can't eat it.

Only if it started a war.

**[I am going awaaaaaaaay today! Wahahahaha! :D]**

Well, as long as you don't shun me or something for eating _cuy_. It's called a different culture. America just doesn't seem to understand that.

That's okay though, because in India there are kids who hate him because he eats beef. So we're all good~.

Started a war, you say... Hmm, this gives me an idea...

* * *

**Italy 46  
**

Ciao Huayna!

Si! I'm really glad too!

Ve~ that sounds really scary! But si! I'll make sure I don't!

Oh, I guess that makes sense!

Don't worry! I'll tell Ludwig! But why Chile?

Oh, I can?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

**[What a bad time for me to go away... say, you guys will manage the List of Characters and whatnot on the forum, right?]**

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Yes, do stay away from them. In fact, you should pretend they have C4 under their seats all the time and just avoid them altogether. Even on a daily basis.

Because I'm going to put explosives under his seat too.

Oh yes. You can. But they're going away so I have nothing to complain about anymore! Except Haiti.

Peru

**(Yeah, I say "cheesecake" the way someone would say "fudge" when something bad happens. I'm weird. :P)**

* * *

**Spain 44  
**

Peru,

Would you prefer to be in Lima...? Ohh-okay, gotcha. I have to usually stay in Madrid-but I prefer my House in Barcelona. It's right by the ocean and it's so relaxing.

She should be there shortly. Probably getting off the plane. Let's not trouble Brasil with them, shall we?

Whuttt? D: nuuuu. Imma change my birthday now. (I like uniqueness~!)

Oh, that's right~! I will~!

Spain

P.S. Fusososo, I suppose he does. Ahaha, yes.

P.S.S. but I like maybe...

**[The director of Alliance Française à Vancouver spoke a whole bunch of rapid-fire French to me. =_=]**

Spain,

I prefer being in Cusco, actually. It reminds me of my other father. You know, the... the one that's not you.

...

...Right! M-moving on. I made cake yesterday and Haiti sneezed on it right after it came out of the oven, so... here you go. Happy four-months-belated birthday. By the way, that yellow stuff is icing, not snot**. **Yeah.

Brazil can handle them, no problem~! =D

You can't change your birthday. It's against the law. But that must've been one hell of a birthday present that year, hey?

Peru

P.S.: There we go! So, C4 under his chair? :D

P.P.S.: Maybe is for the weak. Real men only say yes or no. And not "yes or no". The two parts have to be separate.

* * *

**It's really cold in Vancouver today. I feel like I'm living in an igloo! Which is to say, I don't. Thank goodness for that...**


	175. Spain, Romano, Italy

**July 1st is coming up soon! :D**

**Peru: It's more than a week away, doofus.**

**Me: August 9th is coming up too! :DDDDDD**

**Peru: ...I'll never understand this alleged 'Singaporean pride'. -_-**

**Me: Majula~~~h Singapura~~~~~! 8D**

**Peru: Eww, your singing voice is disgusting.**

**Me: Oh [bleep], I missed 08/09/10 last year! D8**

**Peru: Sorry about the extra-long ramble today, folks... let's move along.  
**

* * *

**Spain 45**

Peru,

Ahaha-gotcha, gotcha.

...Do you really wanna get me more sick than I alreaddy am? That's cold hearted, Peru...really, really cold-hearted.

You're so mean today!

Says who? I'm a nation, I can do what I damn well please. I really don't think it's against the law-I don't even remember that year... whichever one it was.

Spain

P.S. Fineeeee. You're taking all the blame though. I "knew" nothing of this.

P.S.S. Fine yes.

**[I'm back! :D]**

Spain,

Oh, I'm terribly sorry... Here, have some strange tea leaves I found in the back of my cupboard. There's some sort of warning tag attached to the package but Quichua is not my jurisdiction so I didn't bother reading it. You might wanna ask Ecuador what it means. Anywho, I hope you like it~. =)

Am I? I suppose so... but it's, as the twins would put it, fun!

Chile would be very hurt if he found out you forgot. Ooh, in fact, I should go tell him right now! If I'm lucky he might even shed a tear or two~~

I hope you haven't forgotten _my_ birthday... *glares*

Peru

P.S.: Sure. I don't think anyone would really care though.

P.P.S.: Are you okay? I hear you haven't left the bathroom for hours now.

**(Because Ecuador's Quichua and Peru's Quechua are different. But Peru can understand Quichua, he's just being apathetic/somewhat cruel when he says it's "not his jurisdiction".)**

* * *

**Romano 51**

=_= I'm not America, dammit.

I don't like the sound of this...

Romano

P.S. Did you send Spagna C4?

**[I was too lazy to fish out the mystical magical disappearing-sun thingy.]**

Well, you never know. Some non-American people have been known to act suspiciously like America.

You shouldn't. Heh heh heh...

Peru

P.S.: Yup! It's going to be rather... interesting at the next world summit. Bring your umbrella and fire-proof underwear!

* * *

**Italy 47**

Ciao Huayna!

Ve~ do they have it? That sounds really scary!

YOU ARE? Please don't do that!

Oh, but I thought you're always complaining about that one Hetalia fan!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

**[I'm hungry. When is breakfast ready? T_T Do they even know I'm awake and job-hunting while FF-ing?]**

Hola Senor Feliciano,

Well, they don't, but you should pretend they do. That's how you'll learn to stay away from them. :D

Don't be so shocked, it was bound to happen. Peru + explosives always equals something to do with countries like Chile and Ecuador spontaneously combusting at world meetings. At least, it's going to be, once I set the trend this time.

Oh yeah. Her. She went on vacation for a few days so I had some peace and quiet. But now she's back and she's telling me Texas has a flag that looks remarkably like Chile's. Well, my headache's back now. Thanks a lot, annoying Hetalia fan. =_=

Peru

* * *

**Time to finish up Ievan Polkka. I hereby dub my voicebank... Fail!Finland. I have a Fail!Sweden, Fail!Romano, Fail!England, Fail!America, and Not-so-Fail!Canada too! :D**

**Interestingly, the Singaporean national anthem is in Malay, not English (the first official language). I spent 7 years there belting out those weird gibberish words without knowing what they meant. Today, on Wikipedia... "Oh, so _that's_ what I've been singing this whole time! :D"  
**


	176. Italy, Romano, Spain

**A wild Lili has reappeared!**

**RayRay used Encourage to Write Fics!**

**I have no idea yet if it was effective or not, but watch out for A/Ns written in italics and very OOC behavior from yours truly. In the meantime... Majulah Singapura! :D**

**And for once, Peru's not gonna make any evil comments! Because he's too busy purring about... oh, you'll see. I told you he was a sadist.**

* * *

**Italy 48**

Ciao Huayna!

Oh, ok! That makes sense!

Ve~ it still sounds scary! There was one girl I met who liked to play with fire! And these little marshmallows that look like chicks! That was really scary too!

Oh, they do look alike? I didn't notice! But why do you have a headache about it?

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

**[Yes. I _am_ this lazy. Wanna see how many chapters it's gonna last until I bring out the magical disappearing sun again?]**

_Hi Italy! It's Haiti again! _

_Guess what? It's really scary! Peru's actually smiling and acting all jolly and whatnot! He actually smiled at me when he passed me in the hall! I wonder why he's so happy all of a sudden._

_He's locked himself in his room now but I can hear him humming to himself as he - I have no idea what he's doing, but he sure seems happy. Aww, now I'm jealous. I wanna be happy like that too! D:_

_Whoa, fire and chick-marshmallows? That sounds intense! Wait, are those "cute girl" chicks or "baby chicken" chicks? It would be really scary if it were the first one... O_O_

_Hahaha, you know Peru... he gets a headache over anything and everything! Don't worry, I'm sure it'll pass soon... once I slip some aspirin in his tea. Don't tell him, okay?_

_Haiti_

_P.S.: Apparently he's going on a trip soon, but I don't think that's what he's happy about... doesn't he hate traveling?_

* * *

**Romano 52**

But I'm the personification of the fucking southern half of Italy. How the hell would I be America-like?

... I'm going to ignore that for now and hope nothing happens.

Yes. Yes it will be. I think I just won't show up at that particular one...

Romano

P.S. What. The. Fuck. My therapist says I need a vacation, but I can't take it in Italy. The hell is that about?

**[Nope, still lazy.]**

_Ciao Mr. Romano! It's Haiti! Wow, it's been so long since I talked to you that I can't even remember what to call you! I mean in terms of the Mr. and Monsieur and Senor and Xiansheng and Sahib and whatnot. Isn't that silly? :D_

_Well... maybe it's not you who acts like Mr. America, but Mr. America who acts like you? I dunno. Didn't Americans originally come from Europe or something? Mweh, I'm so confused now! I'ma take one of those aspirins I was supposed to give Peru..._

_Oh, but his headache seems to have passed! In fact, I think I can hear him singing up there in his room. Something must've made him really really happy! I wish I could find out what..._

_Haiti~_

_P.S.: Well, of course not! You can't take a vacation at home! It has to be somewhere else! Hey, how about you come to my place? It's got some nice rubble you can take pictures of... wait that wasn't funny. D':  
_

* * *

**Haiti: Dang it, what're you so cheerful about, huh?**

**Peru: [ignoring] :3**

* * *

**Spain 46**

Peru,

...I hate you so much right now...I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

FUCKING LAXATIVES? Just what the hell?

I don't want your damn tea leaves!

Fuck if I care right now! If I'm ever in South America, you better be watchin' your back. Got it?

Spain

P.S. Whatever

P.S.S. Shut. Up.

**[Wahahaha, still lazy! Unfortunately, if you select this text it's _not_ going to disappear. Sorry. I think I'll get the disappearing sun out next chapter though~!]**

Spain~,

Then the feeling is mutual, isn't it~? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll survive~! Eventually. :3

It's not my fault there's false advertising at my place~. Maybe you could've done something about that instead of, oh, say, squabbling over a bunch of islands covered in bird crap, hmm? Aren't you sorry now you tried to hold on to me for so long?~

Anyway, it'll give your gut a good cleaning~. A decrepit old man like you certainly needs one from time to time, _n'est-ce pas~? _Especially one who partakes in, shall we say, "strange activities" with Senor Romano~. Isn't that so?~

But since I've really enjoyed myself watching you wallow in misery, and you _did_ save me from France, maybe I'll help you out, hm~? I'll be heading over soon, so just hold on for the time being. Then again, I guess you can't~. X3

Don't worry, I have my elephant gun with me~.

Peru~~

_Hey Spain! Whoa, sorry to hear about the laxatives, man. I should've stopped him, but I didn't know they were laxatives and I had no idea it was gonna do _that_... Um, anyway, hope you get better soon! I'm heading home in a little while so talk to you at the next world meeting! You poor thing... D:_

_Haiti_

**("islands covered in bird crap": see Chincha Islands War. And Peru was one of the last colonies to become independent.)**_  
_

* * *

**Majulah Singapura! Even though they make me have a [censored] license to do any kind of work there. [grumble mutter] There goes my dream of working in Singapore over the summer... **

** Peru: [purring] There's so much suffering in the world today~~ -w-**

**Me: Oh, Huayna, what would your therapist say?**


	177. Talk show episode 7

**My face itches. Stupid sunburn. =_=**

* * *

Me: Welcome back to whatever this talk show thing is called! Today we finally got some theme music! Isn't this exciting? :D

Peru: Don't tell me. It came from Singapore.

Me: You bet it did! Cue the music!

Peru: Turn it off or I'll fill you full of holes like Swiss cheese.

Me: But don't you like listening to Majulah Singapura? D:

Peru: You're not Singaporean, [censored]. Now let's start the questions before we get completely off-topic.

Me: Meh, fine. Well, today's questions are from Sutchi! Thanks for sending in the questions, and - oh gosh my face is soooo itchy right now! DX

Peru: ...We didn't need to know that. =_=

_Question 1:_

_Why do you hate Chile so much? Haven't you heard of all the problems he has had lately? Like the volcano and the earthquakes, etc._

Me: Oh no! Has he? Poor thing, I must send him some flowers! D: Huayna, why didn't you tell me?

Peru: Because you're not one of those who need to know. Besides, the bastard deserves it.

Me: Huayna! That's not nice! D:

Peru: Your _face_ isn't nice. -.-

Me: Aww, that's not very - oops. B-but you're still being unnecessarily mean!

Peru: No I'm not. He's a jerk. To answer your question, Sutchi, I hate him because of the War of the Pacific. And if you want to find out more about that... Wikipedia is your friend.

Me: But I thought you hated Wikipedia!

Peru: [ignoring] Not to mention, he's a prissy little twerp who likes to think he's European. And he also broke up me and Bolivia's marriage. Not that I'm devastated or anything, but damn it, he made her cry! That's unforgivable, that is.

Me: Aw, you really luuuuuuurve your sister, don't you? :3

Peru: Damn pairings-whore, will you stop it already with your insane matchmaking attempts? D:«

_Question 2:_

_Can you tell me something? Who sent Panama a picture of Peru in a dress hugging Chile?_

_Panama: THE WORLD IS GOING TO END! ; . ;_

_... I think you traumatized him a little._

Peru: ...Wait, what happened?

Me: O_O

Peru: _What_ happened?

Me: O_O

Peru: *slowly turns to RayRay* _You..._

Me: D8

Peru: I-it wasn't me hugging him! It was him hugging me! Don't go making things up like my Mr. Newspaper! (Speaking of which, I have talk to him... with my elephant gun.) But who - who sent it? *glares at RayRay* Well, whoever it is, he/she/it is going to be sorry...

Me: Uh-oh. O_O

**(Well, here's _his_ comeuppance for doing mean things to Spain. I've already had mine... And I'm about to get it again. T_T)**

_Question 3:_

_Peru! What is your relationship with Ecuador?_

_Panama: And don't worry about my house, okay? The bomb squad arrived in time! And so did Big Brother Ecuador... but he seemed pretty angry at you... lock the doors while you still can... Last time I saw him this angry, Vene had locked him in a closet for a whole day..._

Peru: Oh, it's too late for that. He came over and started yelling at me. And he pulled my hair a lot. It hurt. =_=

Me: Why does he like pulling your hair so much anyway?

Peru: Because it's Loreto. He tried to claim most of Loreto from me during our territorial dispute. And now that he can't have it, he's resorted to tormenting me by pulling my curl.

Me: :D Say, does it-

Peru: NO. It's not like Senor Feliciano's or Senor Romano's at all. -.-

Me: Oh. :(

Peru: Things have been getting better between me and him though... somewhat. He still doesn't like me, but at least he's trying to improve relations with me, not like... *glares in Chile's direction*

Me: Yay! So, are you two best buddies now? :3

Peru: ...You wish. Just because we're actually talking to one another now doesn't mean we're friends again.

Me: Of course not~! You're brothers~! :D

_Question 4:_

_What's your human name? Not the Quechua one, the OTHER one._

Peru: I don't want to tell you. It's embarrassing.

Me: Oh, come on, it's just a name...

Peru: It's a _boring_ name! I _hate_ boring names! Not to mention, _you_ made it up! I demand a refund, [censored]!

Me: Ehhhhh, I'm not to happy about it either, but I don't know what to change it _to_...

Peru: Give me a better surname, for starters! Just because yours is the one of the most common in China doesn't mean mine has to be in the whole Hispanic community! So change it! *pouts*

Me: Please don't be angry... T_T

Peru: Oh, I'm not _angry_... I'm just really really really really really REALLY pissed off. So you better change it soon or you'll be floating in the ocean in a body bag.

Me: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... But, I don't think Ricardo Perez Huamani is such a bad name... T_T

Peru: You left out the accent, stupid.

_Question 5:_

_Do you go to a therapist? Most of the American countries see one now a days, so, do you see one? If not, I heard Mexico's therapist needs more clients. But then that would mean seeing Annabelle again._

_Panama: I asked Nica if she would go with her for the next session! Pray to god that she won't be as anti-social as before! :D_

Peru: I just started recently. It's horrible. I don't like sitting down with a guy who pretends to be interested in what you're saying. Especially not when he charges like 100 nuevo soles an hour. Which I could be spending on food or Capac instead. =_=

Me: But it makes you mentally stable! Well, a bit more than before, anyway...

Peru: ...

Me: Wah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! D;

Peru: You should be.

Me: I hope Annabelle finds it beneficial too~! Oh yeah, and Huayna's therapist is... oh, you'll see...

Peru: Is what? Why haven't I heard of this yet? Tell me!

Me: Nope~~~ :3

Peru: Darn you-

[lights suddenly go out]

Peru: ...I'll get you for this, I will. =_=

* * *

**So, yeah. You'll find out next chapter.**


	178. Spain 47 and yet another Announcement

Peru,

...it really is, isn't it...? Pfft! Survive? Ha! You weren't the one pumped full of shit! I'm stuck in the damn bathroom either A. Puking my guts out or B. doing other nasty things because of damn LAXATIVES

...I hate you...so...much...ugh...my stomach...you're going to die, do you understand me, damn brat? Dieeee.

That's disgusting, Huayna! Utterly disgusting! And I'm not fucking old! There are plenty of nations out there much older than I I'll have you know. Jesus Christ, may the good Lord have Mercy on your demented and sinful soul.

F-Fuck off. Urrgghh...

...f-fine...j-just hurry your ass up.

Spain

Haiti,

...yeah, well, you didn't.

Gracias...

Spain

**[Nope, no disappearing sun still, but you can get Romano to put it in next chapter!]**

Hello, Spain~. Good to see you're still alive~. Well, I suppose you'll be glad to know I'll be there soon~. How're you doing? Still stuck in the bathroom~? Well, that sucks, doesn't it? Hehehehehe~~~ :3

Peru~

* * *

**And now, yet another announcement!  
**

**Yes, it's another one. Peru's doing an exchange with Romano! So, from the next chapter on, Romano will be replying to Peru's letters, and vice versa! As Peru would say, "Hehehehehehe~~~ :3"**

** Check out Yuri n' Chuka's letter-fic, "Crap, I got Tomato Stains on these Letters, Dammit"! Oh, and I may or may not have spelled that wrong.  
**


	179. I hereby dub this the Romano Arc!

**Hey everyone! This's Yuri n' Chuka, and what's this? I'm updating RayRay's story for her? Gasp! No, not really. It's just a document exchange thing. So for now, you guys get Romano answering Peru for you! He's on "vacation". :3**

* * *

Ciao Haiti!

Ve~ it's good he's happy! Maybe you could ask him about it!

Si! But I think it's the bird ones!

Ok! I won't tell him! I hope he feels better soon!

Talk to you soon!,

Italy Veneziano

P.S. He didn't sound too happy about it!

[[I'm doing this on WordPad, which means no fancy stuff, unfortunately. Not even spell check! Q-Q]]

Fuck shit dammit, I'm going to kill that man... Not the midget, I mean my psychiatrist. WHICH I DON'T FUCKING NEED, YOU ASS!

M-moving on. Feliciano, it's me, Romano. Aparently my and Peru's therapists are suicidal and think they best way to go is by pissing off two nations. He sent me to Peru's house, as you can tell. Actually, you probably can't but anyway it doesn't matter since I'm going through his mail now.

And who are you hoping feels better soon?

Romano

* * *

Dear Peru and Haiti,

F-french? Eep! Sorry, Haiti... I know not all of France's former colonies are... like him. I'm actually good friends with Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos, maybe you've met them before? :D

Thanks and the cake was delicious~! How did you know I love chocolate? X3

Huh? Did something happen? What picture are you guys talking about? O_o?

Oh! And Peru, I got your letter, sorry if I can't reply right away. Here take my earplugs. I usually use them whenever America has these speeches on robots saving us from global warming or something like that. You need these more than I do XDDD

With Love,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. Okay, I won't tell Peru either ;)

[[Still no cool symbols. WordPad sucks. A lot.]]

Dear Maria,

Ciao, bella donna. I'm Romano, and currently stuck at Peru's house. It was my doctor's stupid idea...Ugh, I hate that man.

Anyway, sorry that I don't understand any of what's going on in your letter. But, could you explain what you mean by picture?

Romano

* * *

**^o^ One chapter down! Wow, this replying to more than one at a time thing really works! :D**


	180. The Romano Arc 2

Peru,

But they are still children...

I don't know. Ask him.

I usually use the usual weapon. My baseball bat. I never went through my rifle cabinet unless it's an emergency...or I'm REALLY pissed off.

But I always keep them in good condition...you never know when you just feel like shooting something~.

Do you still want me to punish Argentina?

Mis hijos would regret it if they disrespected their Papa, I'll say that much!

Con amor,

Enrique

۞ **[[Haha! Copy and Paste FTW!]]**

Ecuador,

Are you talking about the twins? Those two are Satan incarnate, I swear...

... Now I'm kinda worried about what you two were talking about.

Romano

* * *

Huh? fratello? Why are you answering Huayna's letters?

Oh, so you're at Huayna's house right now? But I thought that you were with Big Brother Spain!

I was hoping that Huayna feels better soon! Haiti told me that he gets a lot of headaches!

Feeling confused,

Italy Veneziano

۞

My therapist grabbed me when I got up to go use the bathroom, dumbass. And the guy's surrounded by his siblings all the time; I get headaches from just you. It must be terrible for him, so I don't know why I'm here when none of them even like me that much.

Go talk to Peru about it, dammit,

Romano

* * *

**Seriously, copy and paste. It's not that hard, RayRay. :P And Romano, if your therapist can overpower you, I think you should be very worried.**


	181. The Romano Arc 3

Lovino? My love?

Mi querido, why in the hell are you answering that sonuvabitch-who-has-me-living-in-the-bathroom's letters...?

Not that I mind. I prefer to talk to you anyway, mi amor.

So, Lovi, how're you?

Te amo~

Antonio

۞ **[[Think I can find a little heart to put here...?]]**

My therapist grabbed me and forced me to come here to "relax" and take a "vacation". Bullshit. And how does he have you doing that?

O-oh, well, um, th-thanks...

Other than stuck in a place I really don't wanna be while some bitch runs around me taking my measureme- fuck off, asshole! Anyway, I'm fine. But I'm more worried about you right now. O-only because Peru's a little devil child and could probably wreck your home right now!

* * *

Romano?,

ECUADOR? I'M PUERTO RICO, IDIOTA! Your memory sucks...

What are you doing answering Huayna's letters anyway?

...I rather not write to you...really...

...When is Peru coming back?

From,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/PUERTO RICO( and NOT ECUADOR)

۞

CHIGIIIIII! I'M SORRY; DON'T HURT ME, DAMMIT! I JUST SAW THE 'E' AND THEN PERU'S GOT THESE BANANAS ALL OVER THE HOUSE THAT'RE STABBED FULL OF NAILS AND I TYPED ECUADOR! I'M SORRY, DAMMIT!

* * *

**Honestly, I'm very very very sorry about that mix up. But, like Romano, I saw the 'e' and thought "Ecuador!" ^_^;;; Mi dispiace.**


	182. The Romano Arc 4

**Italy**

Why did he do that? It doesn't sound very nice of him! Do I really cause you headaches?

Ok! I will!,

Italy Veneziano

۞

I don't know! Chigi! I have half a mind to shoot him... A-and yeah, but only sometimes, so don't get all whiny and shit on me, you hear?

Good.

**[[Yeah, that was the point of this little endeavor.]]**

* * *

**Spain**

My love,

...so that's where you went...I was worried. Ah, well, first I wasn't feelin' too great so I took some cold medicine right, with some nice white tea-and then Huayna was like "HERE~ Papa~ Have this, you'll feel better~" And being disoriented and shit, I was like "huh, okay, whatevs" and now, I'm either puking or...yeah. Laxatives SUCK.

Anyway, si, de nada mi amor~

Ah, gracias mi amor, but there's really no reason to be worrie-urggh-about me...I'll live~ once I down a ton of water, tea and other shit to make me feel better~

Ti amo~

Antonio

۞

A-Antonio,

Jeez, kid's a little devil... I agree with Brazil; your children are devil spawn. But, I noticed you called him his Quechua name. He'd probably be happy to at least have that. Tch.

I-I wish I could help, but I'm stuck here, shooting BBs at the tourists from the window at all the tourists to entertain myself. H-hopefully you feel better s-soon...

* * *

**Puerto Rico**

Romano,

Cálmate, cálmate. I should've blown up like that.

So...eh...what are you doing answering Peru's letters?

..hmmhmm...

From,

Enrique Andrés Padilla/Puerto Rico

۞

Puerto Rico,

I-it's fine... Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack, dammit. Especially when Peru's stupid llama came up behind me and stuck his head somewhere he shouldn't... Dumbass animal.

Well, I got bored of shooting at the tourists and went through his mail after I found out he's been answering MY letters. Damn brat...

Romano

* * *

**Philippines**

Kamusta Romano~! XD

It's been a while since I've last heard from you! I doubt you remember me since I was Papa's only colony in Asia and I think I've only been to Europe once or twice for meetings. ^_^

Umm... I hope I don't sound rude and all but where's Peru and Haiti? Not that I don't like talking with you, it's just that I'm pretty sure I sent this letter to Peru and you live in Europe..?... Oh gosh! Not again! I hope I didn't mix the addresses again!... TT^TT

Anyway, how are you? Papa tells me most of Europe caught colds but you managed to recover quickly. That's really nice to hear. It makes me kind of sad that there isn't much I can do to help but I just hope that all the nations that are sick get better :)

The picture thing? Honestly, I'm not sure about it myself but Haiti mentioned something about Chile getting a nosebleed while looking at a picture of Peru, I think. I'm really lost, do you know what's it about? O_o?

With Love,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. I sent some mangoes. Hope you like them~! X3

۞

Ciao Maria,

No, I remember you. You're hard to forget, y'know.

Peru's at my house because of this stupid exchange program our therapists are making us do. And I'm, well... I've got another cold, though it's minor and I'll be fine.

Oh, that? I think you're talking about the time that Peru forced Chile into a corset and dress, then took a picture of it. Chile apparently started crying and Peru comforted him for some reason. Probably because even Chile's boss was laughing at him. *shrugs*

Signed,

Romano

P.S. Grazie; I've been trying to find something to eat here, but the kitchen kinda scares me because there's a bunch of guinea pigs in there...


	183. The Romano Arc 5

**Italy**

Please don't shoot him! I'm sure he's just trying to help you!

I'll try not to cause anymore headaches!,

Italy Veneziano

۞

Help me my ass... I think he just got tired of me bitching at him so he decided to ship me off to South America for a break. Tch... And I don't think it'll work, but you can try...

Romano

**[[I know, right~?]]**

* * *

**Spain**

My love,

He really is-sometimes I just don't know how to react, you know? And I get bitched at by the other nations to control him-but he's not my colony anymore-so he's not my jurisdiction and urggghhh. It's annoying.

Yeah, I did-it works wonders, you know~

I know my love, I know, just knowing you care enough to want to help me makes me feel a bit better, you know?

Ahaha, "shooting BBs at tourists"? My love that's not very nice-but if it enterains you then have at it.

Thank you Lovino, I love you~

Antonio

۞

Antonio,

I know what you mean with the whole "not knowing how to react" thing. And you could probably tell them to fuck off and go bug Chile about him, since a) he's closer continent wise, and b) it'll annoy the hell outta Peru.

W-well I'm glad about that...

I'm scared to go into the kitchen. There're a bunch of Guinea pigs running around in there and Capac just plain freaks me out.

T-ti amo troppo, bastardo.

Lovino

* * *

**Philippines**

Hi Romano~! :3

T-thanks *blush*... Wait, you mean that in a good way, right?

Therapists? I thought only Mexico was visiting a therapist..? O_o?

Oh! I think I just have the thing for your cold! Usually when I'm sick, a bowl of arroz caldo (rice porridge) tastes great. I'll send you some right now! It would taste better hot though...but I'm sure you can reheat it over there. XDDD

Umm... I think I would've been better off not knowing...but thank you for explaining it to me. ^_^

Guinea pigs in the kitchen..? Why? And isn't that kind of unsanitary?

Love,

Maria

The Philippines

P.S. I'm kind of worried about what you're going to eat over there so I hope you don't mind if I sent a basket of fruits, some Filipino dishes, and rice. My cooking may not be as good as Kuya Yao's but it's edible to say the least :D

۞

Ciao Maria,

Yes, I meant that in a good way. And no, there's also Peru for obvious reasons, and me, even though I don't need one. I don't know about any others, though.

Grazie for the food. It tastes great. But now the guinea pigs followed me out of the kitchen and into the living room, and they keep staring at me with these sad eyes... I wonder if I should let them go before Peru gets back...

Hey, you asked about it. And apparently he eats them. The guinea pigs, I mean.

Signed,

Romano

* * *

**Hooray, this is a note from Lili and RayRay! You know Peru needs a therapist when he finds listening to this enjoyable...  
**

**http: / / www . youtube. com/ watch? v=8UuygxrdTxU& feature=related**

**and:**

**http :/ / www . youtube. com/ watch? v=dyW9AHtW4nc& feature=feedlik**

**XD**


	184. Apologies

**Hey guys, it's RayRay here again. You've probably guessed from the title of this chapter that nothing good could possibly be coming up, but... wel, no "but". It's true. I'm stopping the letter fic for... er... personal reasons. Yeah. However, it doesn't mean I won't be continuing my other fics, so... I dunno, don't give them up for dead or something if you do happen to like them. Which probably isn't very likely. But hey, I tried.**

**It's not that I didn't enjoy writing as Peru, it's just that [all of the stuff covered by this censor bar is labelled under "PERSONAL REASONS" and therefore you don't need to know, haha~]. Maybe someday I'll pick this up again, but by then most of you will probably have moved on to other things so... well... bye. T_T**

**A final farewell from Huayna, too. But he has his own fic so it's not like I've banished him to oblivion. And lastly, another great big apology for the letters that remain unanswered.**

**Wow, that's a lot of apologies. Canadian, eh? -_-  
**


End file.
